Speechless
by papillione
Summary: Bella is so shy that she can't even talk to people sometimes,Edward is a rude and suspicious jerk.When Bella moves to Forks to her Dad she has to deal with a lot of new people,Edward and her new life.AH,AU,OOC.
1. Chapter 1:The new school

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

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Summary:

Incredibly shy Bella Swan moves to Forks to her Dad. Her biggest problem: When she's nervous she can't speak a single word. So what will High school's most popular boy Edward Cullen think when he meets his new lab partner in Biology?

**1. Chapter**

First day of my personal hell. As if it wasn't bad enough I missed my home and my Mom, but I have to deal with my own shyness and being the "new girl" in a small town High School. At home in Phoenix it was far easier to hide from the other people and to avoid being talked to or stared at, but I was pretty sure it will be impossible here. Coming here to my father Charlie was awkward. I couldn't talk much more than "hello" and "thanks" when he came to pick me up at the airport. Thankfully he knows how shy I am and that I need to get warm to speak more than those few words. The only person in the last years I could speak to fluently was my mom, but now she's gone and I had no other choice than moving to my father who I barely knew. I know that he is very nice and that he doesn't talk much either and that it is difficult to express his feelings. It seems we have a lot in common. But my mom was always so outgoing and tried to get me out of my shell. Since she's gone I've been hiding in my shell even more. But today I have to be brave for her sake.

I finally arrived in the parking lot with my new old truck Charlie brought for me. He tries to care for me as good as possible and it was very nice of him to be so thoughtful that I didn't want him to drive me to school with his cruiser. I found the school office quite quickly and got my timetable and map of the school. I was studying the map when suddenly someone tapped on my shoulder and said a "hello" with a wide grin.

I got out a low"Hi" with a timid smile.

"You must be the new girl, Isabella Swan! I'm Mike Newton."

He put out his hand and after a few seconds hesitation I took it.

"Yeah! Call me Bella:" I got out somehow after some deep breaths.

"I will take care of you and show you around if you like…"

He seemed very nice and friendly, so I simply nodded.

"What lesson do you have first? I will take you to your class room."

I gave him my timetable and he started walking. On the way to the classroom he constantly talked and asked me questions that I only answered with nods and shakes of my head. He pointed out how shy I was and how little I spoke but that didn't stop him talking and asking constantly. I wasn't quite sure if I liked that or not, but he didn't make me say more and I actually knew someone here that would make things probably easier. As we passed the hallways the people that passed us stared at me like I was a car crash or something. That made me very uncomfortable but Mike managed to distract me pretty well. When we finally reached my first class room, I got out a "thank you" and went in.

The next lessons passed quickly and I got to know a few more people. A Jessica who talked even more than that Mike and a rather shy Angela. Jessica had the most lessons with me and showed me around the rest of the school that Mike left out. So we stalked to the lunch room at noon and sat at a table full of people. Mike and Angela were there too, what made me a little more comfortable. Jessica didn't seem to mind at all that I didn't talk and kept on talking and talking. Mike asked some more questions and I ate my lunch while I again nodded and shook my head a few times. I didn't look around in the lunch room as I still felt stared at from all the people around and I didn't want to meet their stares, the last thing I wanted was a small or even a big panic attack because I thought about this whole horrific situation. Sometimes my thoughts and fears took control of me and I got that knot in my chest that made it hard to breathe. I needed to try to relax as best as I could to avoid that. Up until now it went far better than I expected and I didn't want to ruin that with a panic attack that would make me look like a total freak. The people here accepted pretty well that I didn't talk much and that I was shy and I was happy about that, because I was sure that that would have made my mom happy, probably my dad too, as she always wanted me to have friends and other people of my age to talk to.

Lunch time passed and my next lesson was Biology which I had with Mike and not with Jessica, so he went with me to the class room, still talking like a waterfall. I barely could remember what he all talked about, but I tried to listen and keep as much as I could. I would probably be able to talk to him once I knew him better and felt more comfortable around him.

In the class room he sat at his lab table with some other boy and I took the seat at the only free table in the room.

Then the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen came into the room and I instantly felt my blood flooding my cheeks and it got difficult to breathe. Of course he sat at my table as it was the only free place left in the class room. He looked bored over at me and huffed before he started introducing himself.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen. Looks like you're my new lab partner. You must be this new girl everybody is talking about…"

I just stared at him and tried hard to not stop to breathe. He made me so nervous, I nearly fled on instinct.

"Ähm, sorry. I didn't get your name…" He looked already a little annoyed.

But all I could manage was still stare at him and breathe hard.

"Would you mind being so polite to stop staring at me like that and introducing yourself to me…"

Then I just turned and stared right in front where the teacher was now starting the lesson.

"Great! I have to work with a girl who does not even have the politeness to say "Hello" .It's really nice meeting you, you know" He said sarcastically.

I felt so ashamed but I just wasn't able to get out one tone or even a nod. It was even difficult to stop staring at him and now he thought I was unfriendly and probably crazy too or too arrogant to talk to him. I knew this day went far too good until now and it was clear that I couldn't be that lucky.

I stared the rest of the lesson at the board and made my notes while I put my hair as far into my face as possible. I was thankful we didn't need to work together today and I already dread the day I couldn't get around that.

When the bell rang he shot up and went to the door as I picked up my stuff. Edward was already gone and I saw him going to a group of people outside the class as I went through the door.

"You heard about that new girl in school? Totally annoying…too arrogant to talk to me or just some freak. She's in my Bio class my new lab partner and I tried to be nice and all, but she just stared at me and turned away. Didn't even say a single word to me or introduced herself". He said to them a little too loud. I guess he wanted me to hear him as I passed by.

I flinched at his harsh words. I was right about how he thought about me…I was such an idiot; I wasn't even able to nod at him. I felt so embarrassed and I was mad at my own self. He was the best looking boy I ever saw with his intense green eyes, his perfect body and his brown reddish hair that looked perfectly messy and he talked to me, tried to be nice and right at that moment, I couldn't manage to say even my name.

"Ohh, c'mon. You and nice? ", a short black haired girl said to him skeptically." I'm sure, you were just as rude as always and she just ignored you, what is the most intelligent way to interact with you."

"I decided to change and be more nice and polite to people. I thought I could start with the new girl who doesn't know me already and isn't prejudiced."He sounded so annoyed.

"Come on Edward! I just think she is very shy. I've heard that Angela girl talk to her boyfriend about her in my last class. She sat with her at a lunch table. She said, that she thought that Bella seemed very nice and sweet, but she was so shy and that she needed to warm up a little. I'm sure she was just too shy to talk." How sweet of Alice, she tries to defend me without even knowing me.

"Even if that is true, one cannot be too shy to at least say "hello" or nod or something. She can't be that interesting to wait half an hour to get a response out of her"

"You can be such a jerk at times Edward that I'm ashamed I'm your sibling" Alice huffed.

I couldn't listen to it anymore and headed to the Gym. I already annoyed someone so much that he started to argue with his sister. I am so pathetic. Why couldn't I just at least nod at him?! Obviously I was too fast thinking this wouldn't end in a nightmare and I haven't even had gym.

And I was so right about gym. We played Basketball and I got the ball at least three times on the head and twice in the face. I fell five times trying to run dribbling with the ball and hit five people with the ball. In the end everyone knew not to throw the ball at me. I was just glad it was over.

I went home and threw myself on the bed putting a CD on and recounted my first day at Forks High School. I have to try to apologize to Edward. I couldn't stand him hating me.


	2. Chapter 2:New friends

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

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When Charlie came home I had dinner ready and we sat in silence while we ate.

"So…How was your first day at school?" Charlie broke suddenly the silence and he wanted to talk what I dreaded since he came home.

"Ok," I answered him shortly.

"Have you made any new friends?"

"Yeah, kind of. Ähm, I think so…" I actually didn't know. Did I really make friends? Is it really that easy? Maybe it was just some kind of karma thing today. I made easily friends with Mike, Jessica, Angela and the others and in return Edward hated me…

"Good, it will be good for you to have some friends here… Ähm, Bella. I need to talk to you about the…the funeral. The overpass will be soon and I wanted to know if you would like to help me with the arrangements. If it's not too hard and sad for you."

That hit me unexpected and I was frozen for a moment. I nearly forgot the funeral. We wanted to bury her here in Forks, where we once were a family and where I was born. God, I couldn't believe I will never see her again and I feared the funeral because it meant I really had to let her go. I would bury a piece of my heart with her.

"Y-yes Dad. I want to be involved." I took a deep breath; there was something really important that I had to say." Dad, I want to ask you to keep it small, just the two of us. And I would like to ask you to tell nobody. I don't want anybody to know. I don't want them to ask me questions and I don't want them to stare at me or pity me." I got tears in my eyes and my voice got higher as I said the last piece almost cracking.

Charlie looked sadly but also very understanding at me and took my hand.

"It's alright Bells. I will do anything that makes you better. I know that this is very hard for you and I feel the pain about the loss too. We were divorced but still loved her nonetheless and you too." He looked as if he was going to cry too. I don't know exactly how it happed but suddenly we hugged each other.

It was the biggest conversation that we ever had. I've never talked so much to him and he never talked so much to me. But it was the right moment. I didn't feel so lonely anymore and I felt like never before that he was going to be there for me. It was as hard as it was for me to show his feelings but right now we needed each other so much that it broke some of the ice. Despite the years where we barely have seen each other and despite we didn't know each other very well, we were all of a sudden close like never before and I felt it will going to be ok with him.

After a few minutes of silence and me stopping crying and sobbing we let go and ate the rest of dinner. We didn't talk again and although you might think that it must be awkward after that it wasn't. It was just comfortable. So I just cleared the table and washed the dishes before going upstairs and saying "goodnight" with a quick kiss on his cheek.

I made myself ready to go to bed and sat at my desk. I took the picture of my mother and caressed her face. My homework was done and my clothes for tomorrow lay on my rocking chair. I sighed.

"Well, today wasn't the best, but I will try anything to make you proud of me."

With that I went to bed. It was a bit hard to get to sleep, but after a while I finally fell asleep. Just to have a nightmare. I went to school and met all the people I got to know yesterday, but as I tried to talk to them, I realized I didn't have a mouth. I was released by the beep of my alarm – clock.

About an hour later I parked my truck in the parking lot of the school. I made my way to my first class room when I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I gasped when Mike Newton's grinning face popped up at my side.

"Morning, Bella!"

After I got out of the shock and my heartbeat steadied, I took a deep breath. I decided to take all of my courage together and talk to him.

"Oh, good morning, Mike."

"Wow, I think these are the most words that I heard out of your mouth", he grinned at me."So, how do you like your new school after your fist day?"

"Ähm, it's ok. Not as bad as I thought. "I forced a small smile.

"If you thought it was so bad to live here, then why did you come?" he asked confused.

Ok, now I got nervous. I didn't want to tell him and I am a bad liar.

We were in the class room by now and he still looked at me, wanting me to answer his question. But I was too nervous to get a word out.

"Ok, so you don't want to tell me. Fine, but someday you will." He said with a wink and went to his own first class.

Puh! That was stressful. But I was glad that he wasn't mad at me that I didn't tell him. Although I couldn't imagine that I would ever tell him. He was nice and I liked him. He was very easygoing and tried to integrate me, but he was also following me everywhere possible and he was sometimes too intrusive for my taste.

Jessica sat next to me for the first lesson and talked all the time when the teacher wasn't paying attention. I managed to say a few words when we went to other classes, but for her it was no problem that I didn't talk very much. This way she could talk herself without being interrupted. I was relieved that it was so easy with her, but most of the things she told me were not that interesting for me. She mostly talked about herself or parties and shopping or about other people. Sometimes I just tuned her out.

I sat in the only class I had without Jessica or Mike when suddenly somebody sat next to me. I looked up from the book I was reading and was shocked that the girl Edward talked to yesterday sat next to me. She was a short petite girl with short black hair. Just as Edward she looked exceptionally beautiful, but still not as good as him. _Oh stop that thinking! _I scolded myself.

"Hi! I'm Alice! You're Bella right?" she asked.

Before I could even answer – if I were able to, again I was too nervous- she just continued.

"My brother Edward told me about you yesterday and well, I've heard a lot about you just from all the students talking. Yesterday everybody only talked about you!"

Oh, I already guessed, but I actually didn't want to know. I didn't want to hear it. My face fell when I remembered what her brother told her about me. But she just smiled at me cheerily.

"Oh, don't look like that. I know that Edward can be a jerk, but just forget him and ignore him, we all do when he behaves like that which he does most of the time. "

I just stared at her and wasn't able to get a word out.

"Ah right. You're shy, I've already heard. It's ok, you don't know me and my brother was pretty harsh, I don't expect you to talk to me right away. But I hope you will try to become friends with me." With that she extended a hand to me.

Now I was even more nervous. Why did she want to be friends with me?! ME? I am boring and I am often too shy to get a word out. She seemed to be so carefree, energetic, cheery and just fun to be with. I wasn't fun at all; I was annoying as her brother pointed out. Should I trust her? Is this just a bad joke or probably Edward's revenge? Did he hate me so much? Ok, now I am really exaggerating, he was annoyed but he doesn't care about me so much to make his sister be friends with me and …well, I don't even know what then. I decided, I was paranoid and I looked her in the eyes and I just saw that she was honest, that she was just kind. I also remember her defending me in front of her brother yesterday without even knowing me.

So, I finally took her hand and shook it.

"Ow, great!" she squealed." We will become very good friends, I know it!" She winked at me.

I wasn't so sure about that. But it felt right to accept. It felt even more right than to become friends with Mike or Jessica. I couldn't really describe it. I haven't really ever had friends before and this was very new to me, it was the best to just trust my feelings.

The lesson began and we or better she didn't speak until the end of it.

"Now that we are friends, you have to come to our table at lunch!" she already took my hand and pulled me out of the classroom.

"No!" I almost screamed.

She stopped and looked at me surprised.

"But I have to introduce you to the rest of the gang." She pouted.

I shook my head. It was bad enough that I had biology after lunch and sit there with Edward where he would send me death glares or just coldly ignore me. Wait, that shouldn't bother me, it would be the best if he ignored me.

"Ahh!" it came from Alice. "You're worried about Edward! But he is not at our table today. I forgot to add that. He has some other business at lunchtime and will not be there, so don't you worry. Don't let that get in your way."

"Eh, really?" I asked still worried.

"I promise he won't be there." She said now pulling me again towards the lunchroom.

"Ok then" I mumbled.

We arrived at the lunchroom and she dragged me to a table where three people sat. All of them were in front of the bio classroom yesterday when Edward told them how horrible I was.

"Hi guys! Look who I brought?! Gang, this is Bella Swan, the Chief Officer's daughter and the new girl at school that everybody is talking about." She had a huge grin on her face while she pointed her hand at me to introduce me.

Again I was the centre of attention and I got nervous. I felt the familiar blush in my face as I tried to say "H-hello…" It was low and timid, but I was proud that I could manage to say it despite my nervousness and them staring at me.

"Great! She even said something. This is good Bella. Guys, she is just very shy and it has nothing to do with rudeness or ignorance as Edward said." She rolled her eyes. "Bella, these are Emmett and Rosalie, they are a couple and this here is my boyfriend Jasper."

She pointed to the big muscular man with dark curly hair who sat next to the most beautiful girl I have ever seen with his arm around her. Rosalie hat long shiny blonde hair, eyes as blue as the Ocean, thick red lips and the perfect body with curves in all the right places. My good God! The boys must be chasing after here everywhere she went. I felt even plainer than ever compared to her.

Alice seated herself next to Jasper, a tall, blonde guy with intense but very kind brown eyes and kissed him quick on the lips. They looked like made for each other, they just seemed to belong together.

Jasper extended a hand to me.

"Hi there Bella! Nice to meet you." He smiled encouragingly and I took his hand without thinking. He somehow relaxed me with his nature and his kind eyes.

"Welcome to our little clique, Bella! Our little Alice always finds the right people to fit in our group. I'm sure we will get along very well!"Emmett said as he stretched his hand out to me. Again I took it and shook it, now a little more at ease as they seemed to be very nice people and welcomed me so nicely.

"Ha! Edward will surely be pissed when he finds out you are getting into our group and eat with us. Yesterday he only talked about you. This will be fun! I love everything that gets him pissed. Nice to meet you, sweetie" With that she, too extended her manicured hand to me.

I took it, but now I was uncomfortable and I felt upset that Edward really hated me so much. It must have been showing on my face because Alice put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"Oh, Bella don't be upset about Edward. It isn't your fault, he is just bad tempered and he isn't very nice to a lot of people. There is a reason behind it, but it has nothing to do with you."

Rosalie huffed. "Not very nice to people is an understatement. Edward needs a kick in his ass! And you, Bella should just ignore him." Now she smiled at me and I relaxed a little.

And with that I was sort of settled there. We all ate lunch and they talked, asked me questions that I even managed to answer, although just a bit curtly and I even laughed a little. What I didn't to for a very long time. So the time nearly flew and I needed to get to my bio class room. I was so scared. Alice said that Edward wouldn't be there at lunch, but not that he wouldn't be in school which meant I will sit next to him an excruciating hour.

Alice was so nice to walk with me to my class as she saw how tensed I got and she seemed to know exactly why. She just chatted a little with me and tied to extract me. But when we reached the class room, I had no choice but face Edward. Alice waved me as she went and I took a deep breath and walked into the room.

I was relieved he wasn't there and sat down. I took out my book and tried to read to not think about him. After a short time the teacher, Mr. Banner, started the lesson, but Edward still wasn't here. Mr. Banner gave us so group work with microscopes and I was more than grateful that Edward was absent. I started my work and was half way through the identification of the microscope slides when suddenly the door opened and Edward came in.

"How nice of you to join us, Mr. Cullen." Mr. Banner said. "Now get to work and help Ms. Swan with the group work.

He sat down next to me and glared. I stared at him, my heart raced and I felt myself blush.

"What are staring at?!" He snapped. I quickly looked to the front of the class room.

"Ok, what do we have here…" he murmured to himself. I watched him out of the corner of my eyes. He took my notes, read them and looked then through the microscope.

"I see, so you are half way through and this one you identified right. I will do the rest, I think that's fair and the check the other ones. I don't want you to ruin my mark."

Jesus, he seemed even more bad tempered than yesterday. I actually wanted to apologize to him, but I surely wouldn't manage to talk to him today even though I felt better after lunch with his friends. Again, I was mad at me for being such a chicken.

"Impressive. You got all of the right." I heard him say. "Alright we can hand that in like that and I will cope the notes" With that he pushed my notes back to me. He had added the rest of the identified microscope slides with his elegant handwriting. His writing was so nice that I felt ashamed when I saw my own writing above.

Mr. Banner went to our table and checked our work.

"This is very good work. But next time you two will be working together."He said.

I internally groaned. _Please, let that be when I managed to apologize to him! _I pleaded.

Then I waited sitting stiff in my seat until finally the bell rang and I almost run off. But of course I stumbled and fell flat on my face.

Ouch, that really hurt. I got up and straightened my clothes and went out the door to gym. I heard the giggle and laughs of the others in the class room, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get out of there.

Gym was as catastrophic as yesterday and I was more than happy when I could get in my truck to head home.


	3. Chapter 3:Sunflowers and homesickness

**This took a little longer than I thought, but I will try to update every week. I hope you will enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

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I was so glad when I came home that school was over. I didn't think it could get worse with Edward, but I was wrong. How am I supposed to apologize to him? By the time I am able to speak to him, he won't even listen to me. What am I thinking? He already wouldn't listen, even if I could now.

I went into the kitchen and found a letter of Charlie asking me to pick the flower arrangements for the funeral. He left an address of a flower shop, a little outside of town, to make sure people won't start gossiping when they see me order the typical funeral flower arrangements.

I wanted to get over with as soon as possible, so I took off after putting my bag into my room. After a little while of driving I reached the flower shop that Charlie sent me to. When I entered the door, a bell rang and a woman behind a desk looked up from some list she was writing.

"Hello dear. How can I help you?" She seemed very friendly and had an honest smile on her face.

"Hello" I spoke low, but I felt comfortable as she was very friendly and I always could talk pretty well with vendors, because they didn't expect anything from me and I didn't need to deal with them on a daily basis-at least not in Phoenix.

"I need flowers for a funeral"

"Oh, my poor beautiful girl, I'm sorry they are for such a sad occasion. I hope it wasn't anybody close…"

I already felt the tears swell up, but I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I swallowed and blinked the tears away.

"Sorry, I didn't want to get too personal. What kind of arrangement did you have in mind?"She asked me, but she had pity in her eyes and I just wanted to get out of here. But I wanted to be strong; it was a very important thing to me.

"Sunflowers, these small sunflowers." I showed her the flowers. "The arrangement should be with these and a lot of green."

I showed her everything I wanted to have for the arrangement and she showed me an example of the arrangements. They looked just as I had imagined them. My mother would have loved them, her favorite flowers were sunflowers. It didn't look so much like flowers for a funeral, but that was what I wanted. I gave her the address of the church and the address for the bill.

Just then the bell rang and someone stepped in.

"Hello young man. How can I help you?" She said while she put ma arrangement away and gave the new costumer the warm smile she gave me.

"Good afternoon! I am looking for a nice bouquet of flowers for a beautiful lady and I hope you can help me picking out the nicest…" I froze as I recognized that velvet voice. This couldn't be happening. I had my share of Edward for the day.

"Well, I'm sure, I can help you. For whom are those flowers? And what is the occasion? This nice young lady here would also help you, she just picked out one of the nicest flower arrangements I have ever made." The woman said and smiled up to me. I stood there wide eyed still not able to move. My heart raced and I prepared to run for it. Fight or flight. For me it was definitely flight. The saleswoman went forward, I guess to show him some flowers.

"Well, they are for my mother and they are actually not for any special occasion. She's just the best mother in the world and I just wanted to do something nice for her. I guess, I'm not always the best son, I could be." I have never heard him talk so soft. To me he spoke so harsh.

And he bought flowers for his mother just to tell her what a good mother she was. What a nice gesture. I couldn't believe my ears. If I didn't know better, I would assume it's not Edward. But I was a 100 percent sure, it was him. I would recognize his voice everywhere.

"So what did she have?" He asked.

"Oh, a very beautiful arrangement with sunflowers." The woman answered. "But dear," she came to me and put a hand on my shoulder."What is with you?"

"Bathroom" I croaked out, hoping it would be somewhere behind the counter desk, so I wouldn't have to turn to him. My voice was barely audible and seemed even to me alien.

"Come with me, I will show you" the woman said and directed me behind the desk through a door that connected the flower shop with the rest of the house where the woman seemed to be living. We walked through the floor to a small bathroom.

"Here we are, dear, tell me if you need anything." She looked worried, but seemed to understand that I needed to be alone.

I went in and sat on the toilet lid. I breathed deeply in and out, but I was just glad he didn't recognize me. Surprisingly he seemed to be so nice in there. At school he was so unfriendly, not only to me, but to others too. I also remembered what Alice said and that confirmed that he was rude to almost everyone. That was really strange. Why does he behave like that when he can be nice and friendly in a little flower shop? He was a riddle and I wanted to know his motives behind his behavior.

I heard a car being started outside and opened the window slightly, so I couldn't be seen. I saw a silver Volvo reverse and take off, Edward behind the wheel.

Then I heard the saleswoman.

"Are you ok there, dear?"

I washed my face with cold water and opened the door. She stood there with a glass of water that she handed me.

"Thanks", I said and gulped some down." I'm better now." I gave her the glass back and walked with her back to the shop area of the house.

"That was a nice and polite young man there. He asked if you were ok after I came back. By the way he picked sunflowers too, two posies even and left one here for you as thank-you for helping him pick the flowers." She took a sunflower from the desk and gave it to me. I just stared at her flustered.

"Thanks." I heard myself say as I made my way towards the door."Goodbye."

I walked absentmindly to my car. I was so confused. Nothing fit together in today's events. First there was the Edward I learned to know yesterday, then he walks in and he's nothing like he is at school. I looked at the flower in my hand. That was really nice of him to leave it for me, even though he didn't know it was me. In there he didn't just proof that he was nice to his family and most probably his close friends too, but to complete strangers.

I started the engine and drove slowly back home. I didn't even notice the whole way home, I was too deep in thought. At home I started preparing the dinner for Charlie and me, still only thinking about Edward.

Was this how he would be like if I didn't mess up our first meeting? I regretted more and more how our first encounter turned out.

Charlie came home just when I finished with cooking and setting up the table. We sat together and started chatting a little. I told him about the flowers I ordered, having a lump feeling in my stomach, but just because of the sad topic, not because of talking to him. We got more and more comfortable with each other and I was very happy about that; not only for my sake, but for his too as we were not very close before due to the distance too, but also because of our inability to talk about feelings or generally to talk. He told me, he did all the paper work and organizing of the funeral.

"I thought you might want to take care of the music too." He said. "I'm not very familiar with any kind of music besides from the country and rock stations on the radio…"

"Yeah, I will pick out a fitting song. I actually think, I already have a song that I like to be played at the burial."

"Alright, you just take that music with you on Saturday and the people there will take care of the rest. Reverend Webber is a very nice man and he will not tell anybody. He chose a time when the church and cemetery will be deserted. He knows when the people here are coming and going. In a small town like this, the people have their habits and stick to them. Don't worry about anybody knowing."

"That's great. Thanks Dad." I smiled at him.

"I'm a little worried though, you should probably also have friends to talk about your mom too. You know, you can always talk to me, but I guess as a teenager you will want to talk about things with people of your own age." I looked concerned and put a hand on mine and squeezed it a little.

"Dad, I'm fine at the moment to have you to talk to. I'm new here and I want to get to know the people first before confide in them. I don't want them talk about it at school." I put my other hand on his and squeezed, too.

He was contented with that and dropped it. The rest of dinner we talked about lighter subjects and I felt good when I went upstairs after I finished in the kitchen.

When I lay in bed again all my thoughts were about Edward. I looked at the sunflower that was in a small vase on my table. Now I got annoyed with myself. Why did I even care? I don't seem to be able to get on a level with him where I could talk to him and he would listen. Then why do I try? Why do I even care? It's not like he was ever really nice to me…well, except for today. Even though he didn't know it was me. I just didn't get him. He was a big cryptic riddle to me and I couldn't resist riddles. I want know why he is so tense and mean at school.

I sighed. Of course, he is mean because he can't stand me, because I just stare at him like an idiot and haven't said a single word to him.

Still nothing else on mind than him I managed to get to sleep after a while.

I was awoken by the chirping of birds outside my window and as I opened my eyes I realized that the sun was shining in my room through the windows. It was the first day when I saw the sun here. I haven't paid much attention to the weather until now as it matched my somber mood pretty well. I went out of bed to my window and looked outside at the sky which was a clear blue, that I remembered from Phoenix pretty well. Suddenly I felt a wave of homesickness overtake me. I haven't realized before how much I missed the sun and the dryness of the desert. I missed going to a big school where people didn't know every student or every citizen of the town. I missed my anonymity there.

I took a deep breath to loosen the thick lump in my breast. Then I went to the bathroom to get ready for school. When I was ready to have breakfast and leave, I finally looked at the clock and discovered that I had plenty of time. It was even before my usual wake up time. I put the alarm off and went down to the kitchen.

I wasn't very hungry so I quickly finished with breakfast too. There I sat, unsure what to do now, but as it was so nice outside, it would be a shame to stay inside. So I decided to go to school already and try to enjoy the rays of the sun.

When I arrived in the parking lot, it was empty and I had a free choice of parking. I chose to sit at an outside table that was in the sun. I took out my book and read, tuning out all sounds from the outside world and getting completely lost in the world of the book. But when I looked up after a while, I saw a shiny silver Volvo in the parking lot. My heart stopped a beat.

_Isn't that Edward's car?!_ I thought shocked.

I didn't want to be here alone with him. I looked around to find him, but I couldn't see him anywhere.

_Calm down, Bella. It could be one of the teachers. _I told myself.

But it would be a very unlikely coincidence that one of our teachers drove the same silver Volvo as Edward. Not to forget that I highly doubted that a teacher at this school could afford such a car. So it must be him. But what is he doing so early at school? That was weird.

I looked out for him for a little while, but when I still couldn't spot him anywhere, I tried to concentrate again on my book. First it was hard to concentrate on the book again, but soon I sucked up every word again and tuned out my surroundings.

When I felt someone tapping on my shoulder I looked up. It was Mike grinning at me. I looked around confused and the before empty parking lot was now full with vehicles and the school full with people.

"Hey there," Mike said.

"Uhm…Hi" I tried to smile, but today I didn't manage to hide my feelings very well. I guessed the feeling of homesickness just affected my day.

"I just came and saw you sitting here reading and I thought we could go together to class." His smile grew wider.

"Sure" I answered and began to put my book away and stand up.

"What are you reading there? You seemed to be kind of spaced out." He asked.

"Atonement by Irving."

"Oh, cool." He looked rather confused and I was sure he had no clue what kind of book it was. But I didn't bother to explain it to him, so I just headed with him to my first class.

The first few hours passed quickly, but I wasn't there at all. My homesickness was consuming me and all I could think of was my former home in Phoenix and my life there with my mother. I had one of my bad days that I also did have in Phoenix when I actually had no real problems to be worrying about or anything else sad to be compared to this. Sometimes my life just seemed so bad and I thought that anything would be better than what I had at that moment. I know now that it would be better tomorrow. Well, at least a bit.

I just seated myself at the table when a small figure shot through the room and sat at my table.

"Hi, Bella." Alice said as cheerily as always and hugged me tight.

To say that I was surprised was an understatement, but after the shock it actually felt good and it felt like she really liked me.

"Hi Alice" I coughed out as she had knocked out the air of my lungs.

"How nice to see you. I wanted to ask you if you had plans at this weekend."She pulled out of the hug and flashed me a brilliant smile.

"Well, I have something important on Saturday actually and I think I will be busy with the preparations and all." I said watching down as I thought about the funeral.

"Oh that's a pity. But you must promise me that you will be free the weekend after as I have plans to get to know my new friend better. "Alice just said.

Obviously she was unstoppable and I had no other choice but say yes.

"Ok, I promise."

"Ow that's great!" she squealed." I will plan for us the best weekend you ever had!"

I already began to regret to give her the promise, as much as I liked her I guessed that she might have things in mind I wouldn't want to do. I also wasn't much one of the girlie type who liked to have sleepovers with painting toenails or anything like that and I bet Alice was the exact opposite. I sighed.

_Well, I could at least try it and maybe it was even fun._ I told myself.

"Hey. Is everything ok with you? You look somehow upset…I already noticed when I saw you in the hallway earlier." Alice brought me out of my inner conversation.

"Yeah. It's ok. I just have a bad day, I guess. I miss home…but it will be ok tomorrow." I tried to explain.

"I'm sorry about that. I would like to invite you to our table again, but Edward will be with us today and he is in an even worse mood than usual." She said with a frown.

I just wondered how he could be in a worse mood. I didn't even know there was an escalation of his bad mood. Ok, that was mean as I was the reason for his bad mood around me.

"It's ok, Alice. I just have to make through this day somehow. I'm also sure that sitting with you guys, as much as I like you, wouldn't help much. Just forget it, it will be ok."

Then the lesson began and then I realized how much I talked with her. I was so comfortable around her that I managed to have a normal conversation where I said more than just one or two words at once. I was proud of the progress and happy that I found someone who was so comfortable to be and to talk with.

The lesson ended and I still wasn't able to pay any attention. I was lost in my thoughts.

Lunch was uneventful as I sat with Mike, Jessica, Angela and the others at the table. Mike tried to talk to me, but gave up after he finally noticed that I wasn't paying any attention to him either. But lunch was over too soon and I felt my stomach tighten as I made my way to Bio. I was worried. How much worse could Edward get when he was in a worse mood than usual?


	4. Chapter 4: Alice,the lifesafer

**Hi guys! I actually wanted to post this yesterday, but I didn't get ready to finish it. I had my problems this time writing this and I'm hoping it's not too boring, but I have already something in mind for the next chapter******

**And I'm so excited about the MTV Movie Awards and the "New Moon" trailer. I will stay up until 5 am, as the awards are shown here 3-5 am due to time difference. I'm just glad tomorrow is a holiday^^**

**So, I hope you enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

I reached the classroom and Edward sat already at our table. I trembled a little and my knees were weak. Besides him there was nobody else in the room and there was nothing else in the world that I would want least today than being with him in the same room.

I made my first step into the room and of course-because today everything had to go wrong-I stumbled and fell flat on my face.

Ouch, that hurt and I stayed in my position for a few seconds.

"Bella! Are you okay?!" I heard behind me.

I felt an arm that pulled me up and then I was confronted with Mike Newton's face.

"It's ok. I fall often." I answered as I straightened my clothes and beat the dust and dirt of the floor out of my clothes.

"Are you sure? That looked pretty bad…"

"Yeah, believe me, that happens to me a lot."

"Wow that was a real sentence. You're getting talkative, aren't you?" he pointed out with a smile.

_Not really…_I thought, but I blushed and felt awkward. I didn't think about it, I just answered his questions, still a little groggy and confused from falling, I had no time to get nervous. I didn't feel comfortable with him like with Alice. I still wasn't sure if I could trust him.

I just nodded at Mike and went to my table where Edward still sat, his face a mask. But Mike followed me and started talking like he always did. I however didn't pay attention to what he said, I stared at Edward and I wondered why he hasn't said anything. I thought that little show of mine would be perfect for him to say again something nasty.

"Would you eventually stop staring like that?!" he snapped at me and I was shocked to no end as I was completely spaced out and unaware I was even staring…again, I had no clue how long I have been even staring at him. Mike was gone too without me noticing.

"What on earth did I do to deserve this? Do you know how annoying it is to be stared at like that? Do you want me to show you?! What is it with you?"

I thought he wouldn't stop his tirade and I must have been red as a tomato. And as I turned around I realized that the classroom was full now and even Mr. Banner was at the door. This couldn't get impossibly worse. I felt beyond humiliated and I felt my chest tighten and struggle for breath.

_Oh, no. Please not now! Please not here!_ I thought and just bolted out of the class room. I ran to through the corridors as fast as I could to get out. Outside I panted and tried to breathe. It wasn't because of running that I couldn't breathe; it was the feared panic attack that finally took hold of me. I slide slowly down the wall outside and put my head between my knees.

I tried to calm myself down. I couldn't believe what just happened. I made a fool out of myself, but it was better than to have the panic attack right in front of everyone, right in front of him. Very slowly I could steady my breathing; my face was damped with my tears.

How I hated that I had to react like that. That I couldn't say a word to him, that I couldn't defend myself. I knew that it was partly my fault that he didn't like me, but he was very mean.

I felt suddenly a light hand on my shoulder and as I looked up, I saw Alice's worried face above me.

"Bella, what happened? I was on the way to the bathrooms when I saw you sprinting through the corridors. I looked out for you." She explained as she slid down beside me.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to speak, but right now I couldn't. So I shook my head and buried my face in my arms.

She put her arms around me and squeezed lightly.

"It's ok. Take your time. I will stay her with you as long as you need me. I also guess you can't go back to class. You should better go home and I will go to the school office and take care of that so you get no trouble."

I leaned in to her a little and sniffed a little.

"Thank you Alice." I seemed to calm down with her by my side again and her words and her care soothed and relaxed me.

"You're welcome. I know it is hard for you now, but I'm sure we will have a lot of fun together in the future. I just feel that we are meant to be best friends. Trust me, I can see it clearly before my eyes. I will be here for you and everything will turn out fine."She assured me as she rubbed my shoulders. I wished, I could be so optimistic, but as the last year turned out for me, I didn't dare to hold my hopes up that everything would get better just to be crushed again. At least I seemed to have found a friend who would be there for me.

I sighed and looked at her.

"Now tell me what happened. I have a certain feeling that my douche bag of a brother has something to do with this here." She rolled her eyes.

"Sort of." I said unsure." I came to class and he sat already at our table and after I tripped and Mike helped me, I sat next to him. I sort of spaced out brooding over something when he suddenly yelled at me not to stare at him. I don't know it just isn't my day. I felt so embarrassed and I got so nervous…and when I get very nervous, I get panic attacks…so I just run out of the class. It was bad enough, I didn't want them see me freak out completely. When I'm in that state, I just can't breathe then. I need to calm down and I can't do than in front of everyone." I somehow blurted everything out and it felt amazing. I have never been able to talk about these kinds of feelings, about the panic attacks; it was even hard to talk about that with my mother.

When I looked back at Alice's face, I saw anger and was shocked.

"I can't believe he did this." She said through gritted teeth. "Wait until I get his poor ass…"

"No! Alice, please don't! It will get things only worse. He has a reason why he hates me and I can't even apologize. I can't say a single word, he makes me so nervous and now I'm getting terrified of him. But I really did stare at him…not on purpose, but I did. I guess I would freak out too, when someone just stared at me the whole time…I just wouldn't freak out in his way. It's just the way he is and he has a good reason to be so angry with me.

I appreciate it that you want to try to help me, but that wouldn't change him or his attitude towards me."

"I hate to admit it, but you are right." She said frustrated." Still, I'm dying to kick his ass. He deserves it!"

"Ok. I will just have to try to stay away from him and try to not let his words and behavior to me." I patted her hand.

"Oh, Bella. If I could just explain it to you. He actually isn't that bad and there is a reason why he is like he is now. But he is my brother and I just can't tell you. It is in fact not that big deal, but he is very sensitive about this. God, he's so stubborn!" Now she looked rather desperately at me.

I leaned my head on the wall and looked up to the sky. We stayed like this a little while when Alice stood up and hold her hand out to me to help me up.

"Come, we should go now. You go home and I will take care of everything here. Mrs. Cope and I are like this" she said with a wink and crossed her fingers.

"Ähm, Alice. I have a problem. I stormed out of the classroom without my bag and in there are my car keys and the keys to the house…"

"Oh, I see. Then wait a minute, I will get them for you."

She was about to go in when I grabbed her hand.

"Wait, Alice. You can't just go in there and take my stuff right in the middle of the lesson."

"Trust me, I will handle this. That is a good opportunity to explain to Mr. Banner, too."With that she got out of my grip and went inside.

I waited outside and looked around school, taking deep breaths. I was worried how Alice tried to explain my behavior, but I decided that I could trust Alice.

I thought about what I could tell my dad when she came back with my bag.

"There, now you can go home and just relax. Tomorrow will look differently." She said with a smile and gave me my bag.

"What did you say to Mr. Banner?" I asked.

"Oh, that was easy. I knocked and asked him to have a word outside the classroom which was no problem because the others had some writing work to do. I just told them you had some women problems and needed to go home. Male teachers are usually so embarrassed that they don't ask any further questions." She let out a small giggle. "And Mrs. Cope will make sure you are apologized for the rest of your class."

One half of me was relieved the other side was embarrassed. But she was right, this was the easiest way and I was grateful she did it for me as I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to tell that kind of story to Mr. Banner.

"I can't say how thankful I am, Alice." I said as I hugged her without thinking about it. Usually I wouldn't do this because I was too shy and because I had no real friends to be intimate with in any kind of way.

"I'm glad, I could help. And I'm also used to clean the mess my brother makes when he interacts with other people than his family or closest friends. Now get home before the bell rings and everybody comes out. I'll see you tomorrow in class. Bye" With that we let go and I went to my car to drive home.

At home I did some cleaning around the house to keep myself busy from thinking and to please Charlie before I have to tell him I ditched two classes today. I also redecorated the house a little to make it look more comfortable. I unpacked some photos of my mother and hang them on the walls. My mother was a professional photographer that was well known and her photos were even published in a lot of magazines and displayed in various galleries in Phoenix. She had a unique way of seeing the world and was fantastic in transforming that into her pictures. I thought my dad would like them and would be happy to have them in the living room.

Dinner was ready when he finally came home and I retold an edited version of today's events from school while we ate, I didn't want to tell him about Edward. He was very understanding, much more than I expected and expressed again his concern about me and he wanted to get to know Alice. He knew Dr. Cullen a little, but as the Cullens just moved to Forks just a year ago themselves, he didn't know them so well like other families in Forks. I wanted to thank her for today anyway and thought about inviting her over for dinner, so that was a pretty good opportunity.

I showed him my decorations and the photos after dinner and he seemed to like them a lot, especially the photos. When he and my mother were still married, he didn't appreciate her photos and she started make a living out of her hobby after she left him. He wasn't the kind of person who would read art magazines so he never really saw her work. He even seemed to have tears in his eyes when he saw a picture she took of me and him when I was small and visited him. I knew he still loved her when I saw all the old photos from our time as family together and I was happy to show him that piece of her that he didn't know.

The bonding thing with my father was far easier than I expected and I went to bed with a good feeling.

I had a nightmare again; it was the nightmare that came regularly. I came to school and all people, even the teachers looked at me and pointed their fingers. It was one of my personal worst nightmares. It wasn't the typical going-to-school-naked nightmare that most people have; I was dressed like I always was. There was nothing out of the norm about me. I looked like always and still everyone looked at me.

By the time my alarm woke me up I was coated in sweat and I needed to hurry up to take a quick shower before school.

School was surprisingly quite uneventful. Mike asked me about yesterday, but when I blushed and obviously could not and did not want to tell him, he dropped it. Some people stared at me a little weirdly, but it wasn't that much more staring than usual as I am still somewhat the "new girl". I invited Alive over for dinner and she happily accepted and she wanted to come in the afternoon. Even biology wasn't so bad, as Edward simply ignored me and I managed to not stare at him. Gym was as bad as always, but I got used to that. It's not like I wasn't any better in Gym in Phoenix.

Before I went home, I went to the grocery store to get the food for my special dinner with Alice and my dad. As I made my way through the aisle of the store and put all the food I needed into the cart I began to daydream a little and bumped, of course, into another cart.

When I looked up, I saw a heart shaped kind face with light brown hair that cascaded around the face.

"Oh, sorry!" I managed to get out with a deep blush in my own face.

"Oh, dear. Don't worry, nothing's happened."She smiled a kind smile to me, that calmed me down a little. "You are Chief Swan's daughter, aren't you?"

I just nodded.

"I'm Esme Cullen. My son and my daughter go to school with you. Alice told me a lot about you"

Again, I just nodded.

"Well, I wish you a nice day, dear."

"Sorry, again. Bye"

So that is Edward and Alice's mother. She seems very nice and I was wondering why Edward was so rude sometimes when he had such a nice mother who surely educated him well. The riddle Edward Cullen seemed to get bigger and bigger and with every new information I learned about him, I was left with 10 new questions.

I quickly got the rest of the food and paid to get started with the food at home.

When the doorbell rang, all of the food I needed to be prepared was prepared and I wouldn't take so much time to cook it in the evening.

I cleaned my hands and took my apron off before I made my way to the door to open it. All I saw was some black spiked hair as Alice pulled me into a tight hug.

"Hi, Alice." I greeted her.

"I'm so happy to see your place! What are we having for dinner?"

She pushed me through the door and pulled me out of the hug.

"I was just preparing the Macaroni when you ringed the doorbell so I will just have to put it in the oven later."

I first showed her around and she was unnaturally silent while she observed every room. My room was last and we sat on the bed for a little while until she finally said:

"Oh, what a nice sunflower! My brother bought my mother a very beautiful flower bouquet with sunflowers this week. Seriously I sometimes think that he has a split personality."

I blushed when I thought that I just got them from her said brother. She eyed me suspiciously but she didn't ask me about it and I loved her for that. She let me set the pace of our friendship and the levels of trusting.

We went down into the living room and watched a movie. In between I put the macaroni casserole into the oven to have it ready when Charlie came home. Which he did, right after the movie had finished.

Dinner was very nice and Charlie seemed to like Alice a lot. Both complimented the casserole and we all had a very nice chat. Alice left after dinner with a bright smile and I cleaned the kitchen.

"I like this Alice girl. I think she's good for you. You seem to talk more freely around her. Seems like I don't have to worry some much after all about you finding friends." He said from the living room where he watched a baseball game with a beer.

"Yeah, I'm glad, I have found her."

Before I went upstairs, I gave Charlie a quick kiss on the cheek, happy that he got along with Alice; though I didn't have any doubts of that before anyway.

This night I fell quickly asleep and had no nightmares.


	5. Chapter 5: Keeping the promise

**Hello guys! I finally managed to get the next chapter out a day earlier than I used to. The problem is that I have my lectures from Monday to Thursday and I don't write on these days. **

**I loved the New Moon trailer and can't wait to see the movie. Rob was soooooo hot at the MTV Movie Awards and I had tears in my eyes from laughing when Kristen dropped her award. I also finally got my "Twilight" DVD, believe it or not in Germany it just was released yesterday, that totally sucks, but I'm happy now having my DVD.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

I sighed as I looked exasperated at Alice who looked back at me with pleading eyes and a pout that was impossible to say „No"to. Not to forget that I had promised her last week.

The last week passed pretty quickly. The weekend of course was dominated by the funeral of my mother that was very sad, but also freeing. I could finally say the last "goodbye" and as it went smoothly and nobody except Mr. Webber seemed to know that it was Charlie Swans ex-wife and my mother that was buried. Well, nobody except Angela. She was babysitting her twin brothers and had an emergency and her mother was not available, so she came to her father. The funeral was actually over and my father talked with Mr. Webber when she came. I don't need to say that she was surprised to find me there and to read the name of my mother on the tombstone. My father and Mr. Webber asked her to not mention it to anybody as I wasn't able to say anything. I was crying silently and could only plead with her with my eyes. But it wasn't necessary, she was very understanding and we went over to the Webber's. She comforted me as good as she could and still held a little distance to make me feel comfortable. My first impression of her was right, she was shy yet one of the nicest people I've ever met. I had the feeling that we could be very good friends and I liked her as much as Alice, but just in a different way, as they were two very different personalities. It helped a lot to have her that day, even though I wasn't able to talk, this time out of grief and sadness, not because of my shyness. We just spent the rest of the day mostly in comfortable silence and she showed me around a little and sometimes told me a little about herself and her family. But I also had a bad conscious because Angela knew about the death of my mother and Alice didn't. Alice deserved my trust and I knew, I had to tell and I also wanted to tell, but it wasn't as easy done as said. I whatsoever promised myself that I would tell Alice. Besides it was a kind of accident that Angela learned about it…I still felt guilty though.

Although Charlie wasn't a very religious man, he found some comfort in talking to Mr. Webber and I was glad that he had someone at that moment too. We ate at the Webber's that evening and drove home then. At home we talked a little. He liked my choice of music and flowers I was just glad I could take part in the preparations. I chose Jeff Buckley's interpretation for the funeral and though the lyrics weren't that much the reason for me picking the song it was more the melancholic feeling and just the music and the way he sang the song that were important to me and for my decision. I loved that song and though my mother was a very cheerful person and didn't like sad or melancholic songs, I played that song so often that she started to like it too. As Charlie and me sat in our living room we began retelling funny memories of her, like once when we went bowling and she refused to wear the shoes you rent there and wore her own flat boots and when it was her turn she slipped because of her shoes and fell right on her butt. We laughed so hard that we both had tears in our eyes and she rented a pair of bowling shoes right after that. That was typical Renee, she was so stubborn with her own ways she wanted to do things and then she fell on her butt. But I just discovered later that that characteristic of her brought a lot of fun in our lives and I missed that kind of fun so much. We also talked about the things that made her special, a great woman and a great mother too. That talk eased both of our pain a little and got us again a little closer together. It was the best way to end the day. I fell asleep quickly too and had a dreamless night. The next day Charlie went to his old friend Billy and after Angela called and invited me over to her house again to look after her small twin brothers. That day was quite uneventful, we just played with her brothers which was a lot of fun and a great distraction. In the evening Charlie came home with a lot of fish that I made some of for our dinner.

It seemed to help him talking and spending time with his I should go with him one time to meet Billy's son Jacob that I played with when I was small. But I couldn't remember him at all, I just remembered his two sisters. I didn't say anything to that; I didn't really want to get to know him, at least not anytime soon. I got to know enough new people and I'm still adjusting to them, I don't need another person that I have to learn to trust and to talk to.

The following days were uneventful as well. Edward ignored me still and I was glad about that as I was still completely unable to say a word to him. But I got better in trying not to stare at him. I talked a little to everyone more this week, but still not as much as I talked to my dad or Alice. Alice was truly my savior here. I learned to trust her more and more and I had fun talking to her, too. Twice I sat at her table with all the others, except Edward of course who was the reason I even sat there. I managed to talk to all of them too. Emmett was very funny and I once almost spit all of the water I drank at that moment on the table and on them, too when Emmett told a funny story. Jasper didn't talk that much either, but I just liked him somehow, because he was so calm and not so pushy like a lot of people I knew. Rosalie had a confidence that was huge and intimidating, as if her stunning beauty wasn't enough intimidating. But she was nice to me in her own way. She somehow tried to make me braver and told me to fight back, especially when it got to the subject of Edward. Which I surely brought up myself, but they were complaining constantly about his attitude. I t was obvious they loved him despite all the complaining, but as far as I could sense he wasn't always like this. Here we had it again. Edward, the riddle. But I refused to get carried away; it wasn't my place to solve that riddle, besides I would just annoy him further. I was better to leave it like it was at the moment with him ignoring me instead of saying mean things, until I build more confidence and courage to approach him and apologize and clear things between us.

So that was my week and here I stood right at the moment in the corridor of our school at my locker, Alice in front of me pouting and trying to talk me into going to a party. I surely didn't mean to promise her to go to a party when I made that promise a week ago when she asked me to do something at the weekend.

"Alice, that isn't a good idea, me going to a party." I tried to reason her. But I knew better that she wouldn't have that.

"You promised me that we would do something this weekend and it happens that I'm going to throw a party. Come on, you will have fun! Trust me, I will take care for you and make sure, you will have fun."

"But Alice, you know that I'm fat too shy and there's no way I'm going to feel comfortable enough to have fun at a party." I whined. "It is at your house too, what makes it worse because your brother will be there for sure." I wouldn't give in without a fight, but I knew better that all resolve was useless against Alice persuasion skills.

"I didn't want to play that card, but it's my birthday party and as my new best friend you will have to be there."

"You're birthday party?! Why didn't you tell me it will be your birthday?" I was a little shocked. Now I would have to find a birthday present for her in a very short time.

"I didn't want you to feel obligated to give me a present as we don't know each other for so long. I just wanted you to be there. "

"I would feel far worse going to that party and then realize there that it was your birthday and I didn't have a present."

"Does that mean you are coming?" she said and beamed at me.

I sighed in defeat. I didn't have a chance against that ball of energy. So I just nodded.

She shrieked and hugged me so tight that I nearly couldn't breathe.

"Yay! I'm so happy. Trust me, it will be fun. Oh, now we will have to go shopping for clothes this afternoon and I will talk to Charlie and ask him to let you sleep over that night. We have plenty of space. My parents are going to Seattle to leave us alone this weekend. "

Oh my God! What did I get myself into! She was unstoppable; she was planning the next two days to the last minute. I could just hope that Charlie might refuse to let me go or sleep over. But I knew I had lost completely, I didn't have as say in those plans anymore. And how could I say no now? It was her birthday and she did so much for me already. I would just have to swallow that pill and go through this weekend.

So we spent the afternoon shopping in Port Angeles where she dragged me to every shop that was in that town. But she found the best dress for herself and me, after she talked me into wear that for her birthday. The only thing that she couldn't talk me into were heels and we could compromise with a very pretty pair of ballerina flats.

When she rode me back home, she came in to ask Charlie about that night. Although he was a little skeptic at the beginning he couldn't resist her as well and in the end he had the opinion that it might do me well to ease up a little and do what other teenagers do. There went my hopes to have a way of avoiding the party right out of the window.

Although I was very exhausted after that tiring shopping trip, I needed to go to the grocery store, because I decided to bake her cake for her birthday. It is something that I would make myself and I wouldn't have to worry so much about whether she would like it or not. Everybody likes a cake, right? Well, at least she seems to be a person who likes cake. So I made the cake until the late evening.

The next day I made my way to her car to congratulate her and give her the cake. I was glad I packed our Tupper ware with the things that were sent from our home in Phoenix that was sold to Forks. That stuff just came at the beginning of the week and I unpacked it all in the afternoons. I was finally able to decorate my room nicely. However we had a nice Tupper ware cake plate with a plastic cover to be able to transport a cake without damage.

It was a double chocolate cake with chocolate icing and I wrote "Happy Birthday Alice" with white chocolate on it.

I felt very nervous when I realized Edward stood beside her. He tried his best to ignore me, but he had that usual annoyed look on his face.

But Alice was very happy and nearly knocked me off when she hugged me.

"Alice. Can't. Breathe." I choked out.

"Oh my God! That is so nice of you! Now I am glad, I told you it was my birthday! The cake looks awesome!" She said shrilly.

"Happy birthday Alice!" and I hugged her again and handed her the cake.

"See, Edward. Isn't it really nice of her to bake me a cake? And look at the icing and the writing; it looks like it was done by a professional. I love it, Bella."

Now I started to blush. Of course, I tried my best with the cake, but I wasn't that good and she didn't even try it yet.

"I can't wait to eat some of it at lunch. You have to sit with us today. Edward will not say one bad word at you, I promise. I will shut him up. It's my birthday and he will have to do what I want." She said with a wink.

But I felt already unwell with the thought of sitting at lunch with him. At least he still ignored me. And Alice might be right, it was her birthday and he would have to be nice today or at least not rude.

The morning passed far too quickly for my taste and it was lunch time. Alice hasn't stopped talking about her birthday party since the lesson had begun that we had together.

When we came to their usual table everyone was already there, Edward included. The table was decorated a little and they all congratulated Alice again. They have seen her before school as well, but they just wanted to hug her again as it was our own little party with her, just her and her closest friend. I was honored to be one of them.

She put the cake on the table and I put out the candles and the lighter that I brought separately because otherwise the cover wouldn't have fitted. When I was done putting the 17 candles on the cake and light them, I held it up to her to blow them out.

"Here, Alice. You have a wish free."

She blew the candles out and everyone clapped. She cut the cake and got a piece for everyone, but I refused because I already felt nauseous from being nervous because of Edward. He didn't do anything, just his presence made me so uneasy that I just felt sick and I was sure I couldn't eat a bite. When Alice tried to put a piece on my plate I shook my head and covered the plate with my hands.

"Come on, Bella, you have to try your own cake. It looks so delicious. Mmm, mouthwatering." She held a plate with a piece of cake under my nose, but I just kept shaking my head and pleaded with my eyes.

"Fine." She then said, but leaned in to whisper to me. "It's ok. Ease a little. Edward promised me to be nice to you. Well, as nice as he can be…But you don't have to worry, he won't bother you, not today anyway. I know, this is hard for you, but try to relax a little. We will work on that and one day you will sit here with us as carefree as we always do. I will get you out of your shell." She rubbed my shoulders and I really relaxed a little. I still felt a little sick, but I tried to not look so tense. It was Alice's day and she shouldn't worry so much about me.

Even Edward seemed a little more relaxed than I ever saw him. He even joked around with Emmett and I saw a hint of a smile. He still ignored me completely though and I just tried not to look at him too much. I didn't want to get caught staring at him and get him mad at me again. I could have even sworn that he looked at me sometimes too, but I wasn't sure.

So lunch went easier than I thought and so did rest of the school.

I went quickly home for my stuff for the party, cooked something for Charlie that he could make warm in the evening and left him a small note.

Emmett and Rosalie picked me up to head to the Cullens. Alice said, it might be a little to complicated to get to their home that was a little hidden and outside of Forks, I could get lost easily trying to find the way. Rosalie or Rose-she allowed me to call her Rose now, she seemed to like me too- and Emmett wanted to go earlier to Alice too, to help her preparing and change there. The five of them were friends for very long. They knew each other from childhood on as Alice told me. When they were small they lived here in Forks with their parents. But then their father started to travel around the country with them. He had a study and to get the best results for comparison, he changed places every year or two. So they never stayed long at one place until he had all the information to publish his studies, then they moved back to Forks. Alice and Edward stayed in touch with Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper which got easier in the last years with e-mails, mobiles and messengers. When they came back it was nearly as though nothing had changed, just that some had grown romantic feelings towards each other. Alice and Jasper had been texting and calling each other every day and they visited each other as much as they could. You can imagine how happy they were when the Cullens finally moved back to Forks again and their friendship had gotten so much stronger than it would have been if the Cullens had stayed in Forks. Now they knew that nothing could come between them. I was really surprised that they even let me in. I've never really had friends and now they let me in their exclusive row. It was beyond amazing and I had no clue why they liked me enough to let me in. I thought first it was only because of Alice, but all of the, except for Edward, gave me the feeling that they liked me genuinely although I didn't talk so much to them. They kindly gave me time to adjust and to go to them on my own and I was willing to work hard that they will not regret that.

As we went to the Cullen's I had to admit Alice was right. I would never have been able to find their house, I wasn't even sure, if I could find it after I tried to memorize the route.

As we arrived at their house I couldn't do anything but stare at that amazingly beautiful house with my mouth hanging open. I t wasn't even a house anymore, it was more a mansion.

It was huge and looked very friendly. Then I remembered that Alice told me that their mother was a kind of hobby interior designer, restaurateur and estate agent. She was the one who always found all the places that they lived in and she decorated them all herself. No wonder, she found the nicest house in the area.

We went to the front door and Rose rang the bell. The door was opened by Alice's mom who welcomed us all three with a hug and a kiss of the cheek.

"Hello, Bella. Nice to see you again. I'm so happy you came, Alice is constantly talking about you and she was worried you wouldn't come."

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen." I greeted her with a low voice, but still glad, I said something.

"Come in, come in. And don't call me Mrs. Cullen, I'm Esme for the good friends of my daughter, I'm sure from now on we will see each other quite often."

"Ok, ähm, Esme."

I stepped inside, just to stop in my tracks and look in awe not only to the nicest living room, but the already finished party decorations that were just as amazing as the whole house seemed to be. I just wondered why, Esme didn't work professionally as an interior designer, she was very talented. She managed to get the perfect balance between modern style and classical and antique designs. The decorations were not cheesy, just nice. There were a lot of lampions and a lot of free space to dance, tables with food and drinks.

Alice broke me out of my astonished daze with a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so happy, you're here!" She squealed. "Dad, this is Bella, the Chief Officer's daughter, new girl in town and my new friend."

She stepped aside and a very attractive looking man with blond hair and kind blue eyes held his hand out to me. I blushed when I took his hand. He looked so good and young for his age and I understood where the beauty of Edward and Alice came from. Their parents were gorgeous and they were so kind too.

"Very …nice..to…meet..you…Mr. Cullen." I mumbled.

"The pleasure is entirely mine. And call me Carlisle. I'm sure my wife wants you to call her Esme, too. We are very happy to have you here. You got our little bundle of energy all excited over you. I didn't think she could get more excited." He chuckled and patted Alice's head.

"But now it's time for us to go. Alice, we talked about everything. Be careful and don't get into trouble. You can call us any time; we will be there if you need us." He looked Alice seriously in the eyes.

"Ok, ok, Dad. Now go, we need to get ready." She tried to push him out the door.

"Alice." He said again in a serious tone. "Have fun." He kissed her on the cheek and went out. Esme did the same and followed her husband out.

"Great! Now we are going to make you ready. Rosalie is already preparing everything we will need and the boys play video games next door to us." She pushed me forward to the stairs.

"What me? Get me ready?!" I shrieked. "What do you mean with that? I wanted to help you decorate and all and then just change into the dress you forced upon me."

"Uh, uh. We will make your hair and put on some light make up, nothing that will hurt."

We were already upstairs and she pushed me through a door. Her room was bigger than our living room; she had her own big bathroom too that we passed as we made our way to her makeup table.

I was her hostage and I had no power to stop her from her torture. She said it wouldn't hurt. Picking my eyebrows hurt, a lot. And they pulled pretty hard on my hair.

I don't know how long they tortured me, but when they finally finished, they let me see myself in the mirror. I was surprised to say the least. I looked very different then somehow I still looked like me. Does that make sense? My hair was softer and shinier and flowed so smoothly in an elegant ponytail down my back. My face had some glow that I could describe, I also had to admit that my eyebrows looked so much better now, my eyes were lightly accentuated and I had a glimmering lipstick on that had a color that nearly matched my own lip tone. They were all just little details that let me be me just with a little improvement. At last I put on my dress it was black lace, strapless and with white floral embroideries at the end and it ended above my knee. I didn't feel very comfortable in it although it looked more than nice, it was cute and it suited me well, but it would drag attention to me that I definitely didn't want.

Now was their time to get ready. Of course they were pros doing that and they didn't need so much time for themselves. Alice had her usual spiky hair, but shinier and with a pink ribbon in it that matched her pink mini dress that was strapless, very simple yet very elegant.

Rosalie wore her hair loose in big waves that cascaded down her back. She wore a dress with golden threads weaved in the beige textile. It had a big cleavage and was shorter than my dress but longer than Alice's.

There we were now and I feared what would happen when the party ultimately would begin.

**I'm sorry I have to stop here, but I'm tired and I wanted to get this out. Next chapter will be the party and I think there will be more Edward than before. **

**Links for the dresses are on my profile. It is hard for me to describe them as well as hair styles because I'm not a native speaker, but I hope it is ok, if I leave the rest to your imagination.**

**Big thanks to EstherRL for the PM and for ****Ratava100d**** who always leaves a review.**

**I don't want to push people for reviews or ask for them, but they really help a lot when I'm stuck in the story and that happens a lot. **


	6. Chapter 6:Alice's birthdayparty

**Here is the party! It really took me long to write this, but I hope, you enjoy!**

**A big thanks to Ratava100d for reviewing all the chapters and flame55!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

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I heard loud music from downstairs when Alice and Rosalie were still putting on their makeup. I needed to relax, to not panic at the thought that I would go to my first party. Back in Phoenix, I was never asked to go to any party, so I've never even thought about what to do. Though I think I would have said not to an invitation. But Alice such a good friend and she really wants me to be here and I think she wants me to enjoy it too, not just getting somehow through the night. I guessed you dance and talk to people at a party, so I would probably have to muster up enough courage and do just that.

I looked once again in the mirror. I looked so different, I tried to convince myself to just pretend to be someone else, or better say to pretend to be a more confident version of me.

Alice came out of her bathroom.

"Say hello to Party-Alice" She grinned at me while she turned around for me to admire her party styling.

"Alice, you look great! I still can't believe what you made out of me and now look at you."

She didn't put that much makeup on herself either, some blush, smoky eyes and lip gloss.

"Rose, went already downstairs to the boys. Sounds like the DJ is here already. I just need to get you prepared 'til we go downstairs." She winked at me and I just wondered what she meant. I got my dress on and my hair and makeup were done too.

"See, I know you are nervous and this has to be your first party, isn't it?"

I simply nodded.

"Don't get too worried about this, just relax and have fun. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. If you like to dance, then dance, but if you don't, that's ok as well. You don't need to talk to people you don't know or don't know well. I don't want you to be here to follow some stupid party rules, I want you here, because you're my friend, it's my birthday and I want to have a good night with my friends. I also wanted to push you a little to be more sociable and to act like a normal teenager. But in the end the only person that counts is you. Don't be afraid to offend people, because if they don't like you, they are idiots anyway." She winked again and took my hands.

"And you really also don't have to worry about Edward, not that you ever should…We all talked to him to be nice to you today. I know he is grumpy and all, but he can be nice too."

Well, I knew that, but I started to give up all hope that he would ever be nice to me.

Alice hugged me and said. "I'm so happy you're here. Now we will go downstairs, we surely have guests already and don't forget that I'm here, if you need me. So whatever happens, I will help you."

I felt so much better now and I was ready for my first party. I knew Alice was right about the sociable aspect and I knew that it was exactly what my mother told me, too. But she also soothed me with her kind words and her assurances that I'm not forced to be conversational or to dance. So I decided to just let things flow and see what this night will bring.

"Alright, let's go!" She pulled me up and pushed me through the door to the stairs.

Downstairs there were already people just like Alice guessed and they greeted her all one by one and put the presents on a table. I smiled shyly at the people that greeted me as well while Alice introduced me to them.

I spotted Jasper, Emmett and Rose sitting on a couch and joined them.

"There you are! You look really good Bella, I'm impressed! If I wasn't with Rosie, I would hit on." Emmett winked at me and Rosalie glared at him, but smiled then at me.

"I must agree with him, though the last part was inappropriate." She stated.

I blushed at all those compliments. I wasn't used to get any for my outer appearance and I felt a little abashed at that.

"But we worried, you wouldn't come down all night. You were a good while upstairs with Alice. You know we are all here, nobody is going to hurt you or anything." Jasper gave me his relaxing and kind smile.

"Uhm…thank you all. But I'm ok at the moment. I'm determined to relax and try to behave like a normal teenager or at least to enjoy this." I made myself more comfortable at the sofa and started chit chatting with the others.

"Hey, Bella! Wow, you look stunning! You have to promise me to have a dance with me tonight." I turned around to the voice to see Mike Newton grin at me.

"Oh, hi Mike" I greeted him, but I avoided to say anything to the request. But I was happy to see him, because I thought it would be easier if there were people I knew.

Mike sat at the armchair that stood at the right angle to the sofa. He joined our conversations or at least he tried to in an attempt to wrap me in a conversation with him.

"You want me to get you something to drink?" he asked me.

"Oh, I could go myself…"

"No, I go." And with that he went. I looked after him and spotted Angela at the entrance, greeting Alice. I stood up and made my way to them.

"Hi, Angela! I didn't know you would come too."

"Hi, Bella! Well, Alice invited me and I came with Jessica, who is somewhere here, I think.

"Urgh, I guess she looks out for my brother. I really don't get her, he treats her with complete indifference and she runs after him like a puppy. Why did I even invite her…?" Alice mused."Oh right. I'm too nice of a person and feel guilty for my jerk of a brother."

Suddenly Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me to the area that supposed to be the dance floor, where some people were already dancing.

"I love this song so much and wanted to dance to this." She squealed.

I listened and recognized "My Party" by Kings of Leon. I saw Rosalie approach and I saw no escape from this so I tried my best to dance with them. Alice and Rose seemed to have a great time and sang loudly the refrain. I on the other side wasn't the most graceful person when it came to dancing, but I started to enjoy it myself after a while. I just jumped around with them without even looking around me and then I tripped and fell right into somebody. Without looking up, I stuttered. "Oh, I'm so sorry… I tripped…I hope you're ok…"

The person held my arms as I raised my head and got up and nearly got a heart attack. From all the people here I fell into Edward and he just looked at me and didn't say a word. I could make out what was going on in his head, his expression was unreadable and at least he didn't look mad. I was frozen, I just stared back at him and all clear thoughts left my head. All of a sudden he let go of my arms and just left. I stood still staring at him disappearing like an idiot. My heart raced, my breathing sped up and my palms started sweating. I needed to calm down a little and I made my way back to the couch. Just s few seconds after I sat down, Mike stood beside me and held a red plastic cup to my face. I thankfully grabbed it and took deep gulps of the liquid inside. I couldn't make out what it was but it tasted really good, sweet and refreshing with a slight hint of bitterness in it.

"What was that?" I asked Mike.

"Don't know. It looked tasty, so I thought you might like it." He shrugged. "Here take mine too. You look like you could need some more." He held up another cup and I took it, but drank from it slower. "What happened?"

"Oh, nothin'. I danced with Rose and Alice and bumped into someone. I guess I'm just a little exhausted from the dancing. I feel good, don't worry." And it was true, I felt good, I felt relaxed, even a little exhilarated.

Alice came up to us, Jasper in tow.

"Hey, Bella. Jasper says, he has a birthday surprise for me and we will have to leave for a little time. Is that ok with you? Emmett and Rose are still here somewhere…"

"Of course, Alice. I'm not a baby. See, Mike is right here and Angela is here too. I'm good, just go and enjoy your surprise." I winked at her.

That was all she needed to hear and she shot out of the room like a lightening.

"Soooooo." Mike looked shyly at me. "Do you want to dance? With me?"

I drank the rest from the cup and put it down.

"Sure." I replied. I didn't even think about it, I wasn't that thrilled with the idea of dancing with Mike, but I wasn't disgusted either, so I just agreed. He took my hand and dragged me to the dancing area. I looked at our hands and just shrugged. When we arrived, he let go of my hand, of which I was very thankful. Dancing was ok, but holding his hand made me feel a little uncomfortable. I often had the feeling that Mike was always slightly nearer to me when we talked than normal for friends and he barely left me alone, except for getting me something to drink. I didn't have a lot of experience when it came to love or flirting or anything like that, but I really had sometimes the feeling that Mike liked me and not just as a friend. Still, I absolutely didn't care right now.

We danced to some songs and I had to admit that I had a lot of fun. I never would have thought that I would really have fun on a party, but I did. Although I didn't know exactly why, I was just calm and didn't feel the usual shy- or uneasiness that I did feel when I was at crowded places. And this house was now very crowded. I wondered how many people were invited, however I guessed even Alice didn't know that.

Somebody tapped me on my shoulder and I turned around to see Jessica in front of me. She had put on a lot of makeup, wore her hair loose and wore a pink top with a huge cleavage and a black mini skirt that could rather be considered as a belt than a skirt.

"Oh. Hi, Jessica." I greeted her.

"Hey, Bella. Would you mind if I borrowed Mike for a while." She looked at him with a strange smile on her face. But looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Well, I don't know, Jessica. We had a lot of fun and I wanted to dance a little longer with Bella." He said.

"Come on, Mike. It will be just for a few minutes." Jessica pouted.

"Go, Mike. I will be fine here. I will look out for Angela or Rosalie and get me something to drink, I wanted a break anyway." I told him.

"Ok, if you're ok with it, I'll go. But I will be back later."

"Take your time." I waved at them when they went to the front door.

I was left alone and wasn't quite sure what to do now. I went to the food and drink table and looked out for the drink that Mike had given me. There were a lot of empty colored plastic glasses and bottles with lots of sodas, juices and beer, too. I was wondering where Mike got that drink from when a long fingered hand with a red cup appeared in front of me.

"Were you looking for this?" I heard Edward say right behind me, very near to my ear. I froze, surprised by his sudden presence. He came from behind me and still held the cup in front of me.

"This is our ladies special for tonight. One of my sister's favorite drinks. Just take it!" He put the cup further up to my face and smiled at me.

I looked at him, confused by his kind gesture and the light tone he had when he spoke to me, and grabbed the cup. I gulped it down fast as my mouth was very dry from the dancing. It really tasted like the drink I had before, just a little more bitter.

"Ah, I guessed you must be thirsty after dancing so actively. Here I have two. Mike isn't here to that and besides I'm one of the house owners and I should take care of our guests." He held out another cup in front of me.

_Am I dreaming? _I asked myself. I felt a little dizzy and awkward, but mostly just very confused. He probably really listened to his sister and tried to be nice to me.

"Uhm thanks" I said as I took the cup from him. Those were the very first words I that spoke to him. I finally managed to push my fear, shyness and discomfort aside and talked to him! It was only one short word, but it felt so good and liberating. I smiled at him shyly and took a sip.

"So, do you enjoy yourself at this party?" He asked waving at the room.

I nodded.

"That's good. Alice was really worried you would feel bad here."

I didn't know what to say to that and my head spun a little and I seemed to be slower than usual in forming coherent thoughts.

"Uhm Edward. I…I want to...ap…apologize…for bumping into you earlier. Uhm I tripped and…and well, just crashed into you…Sorry."

"Oh, don't worry. This is a party, this happens all the time." He flashed another smile at me and I felt even dizzier than before, if that was even possible. "You wanna dance?" He gestured to the dance floor with his hand.

I couldn't believe that he said that. Edward! Edward who was hostile towards me right from the beginning. But I felt somewhat happy, he asked me. Unlike with Mike, I real wanted to dance with him.

_Now where does that come from?_ I wondered. Surely I was just relieved that he was nice to me.

I nodded and drank the rest of my drink. We went to the dance floor and started dancing. He moved very smoothly and I was sure, I looked really stupid beside him. I didn't know he was such a good dancer. But everything went more and more blurred. I heard the music and saw the lights moving but I could barely focus anymore.

Then one of my favorite songs, "Rock'n'Roll Queen" by The Subways came up and I was just so happy to hear it, I pulled Edward with me to a table that was empty and asked:

"Help me climb up."

"Excuse me, what?" He leaned down a little to me.

"I love this song. Help me up."

He looked confused at me and then I just grabbed his hand and tried to climb up the table. After he understood what I wanted, he helped me and when I was up I started dancing frantically and singing along with the song. I saw that people were cheering at me and looked up at me, but I didn't care, I was too lost.

The song ended and another great song, really at that moment I felt like all the songs were great, and then I just heard a shrill voice shriek.

"Bella! What are you doing up there?!" It was Alice who made her way through the crowd."Edward! What happened? What have you done?"

She was now right before the table and Edward who just shrugged.

"Oh my God! Is she drunk?" She asked disbelieving.

"Wassup Alice? I'm ok. I'm not drunk." I hiccupped.

"I can't believe this. Come on Edward; help me get her from the table." She held out her hand to me and I took it, but I stumbled and nearly fell down. Nearly because Edward caught me and set me down. But it was hard for me to keep my balance, so Alice and Edward liked arms with me on both sides.

"Let's get her to my room." We went up the stairs to Alice's room where they put me on the couch.

"I will go and get her some water and you!" She pointed her finger at Edward. "You will stay with her and take care of her and I really mean take care of her."

"God, Alice. Calm down. What do I have to do with this anyway?" He held his hands up.

"Edward, don't act all innocent. I know you too well and I'm sure, Bella didn't get drunk out of her own free will."

"And what makes you think that? You don't even know her that long Alice? Why do you trust her so much? "He demanded.

"Because I just know that she is a kind and nice person who is a little shy and needs a little push."

He huffed."Yeah, right. And what if she acts?"

"Oh, will not discuss this any further with you now. I need to take care of her. She will be so embarrassed tomorrow about the dancing on the table. I'm sure, it was the first time she drank alcohol, too." With that she went out of the door.

He sighed and sat down on the couch. But I couldn't focus, everything spun so fast and suddenly I felt very sick. I stood up and ran to the bathroom and just made it in time to the toilet to throw up. I don't know how long I hang over the toilet, but at some point somebody came to me and held the strands of hair out of my face that came out of the ponytail while I was dancing earlier and rubbed gently my back. When I could finally stop, I flushed the toilet and leaned back wards. Surprisingly it was Edward who knelt beside me; he didn't say a word though. As he stood up, he grabbed my hand and helped me up and helped me to stay steady. I went to the basin, still with his help and washed my mouth. I saw my toilet bag and looked for my toothbrush. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, careful not to look into the mirror as I didn't want to know how horrible I looked. I felt horrible; like someone chewed me and spit me back out. Edward helped me to get back to the couch and when Alice came back.

"Here, drink that. It will make you feel better." She gave me a large glass with water that I gulped down very fast. I felt very little better.

"You should go to bed now. Edward, go and get her another glass of water." She took the glass out of my hand and put it into Edwards. He looked like he wanted to protest, but one evil glance from Alice and he rolled his eyes and went out.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have left you alone. Come on, I will help you to get your pajamas on." She went to my bag and put my pajamas out and then she sat beside me and pulled the dress over my head. She helped me to get the pants on and to button up the top.

"Get up, you will sleep with me in my bed, it is very large." I got up and she led me to her bed, where she shrew the cover over me after I laid down.

"I really shouldn't have gone away and let you alone with Mike. I should have at least looked out for Rose and Angela to be here. Rose and Emmett went for their own little private time and Angela was on the outside porch in a deep conversation with Ben. Seems like the two have found each other." She chuckled."I already guessed they would be great as couple and I think that this little party made both a little more relaxed to make a step towards each other. I think now they only need some little time."

She sighed. "My dear Bella, I should have known that my brother was up to something. I think he regrets it now, but he can be so stupid sometimes." Just as she said that, he came through the door with the water and some Aspirin that he put into my hand.

"Here, take this, it will make you feel and sleep better and the hang over tomorrow won't be so bad."

I took it and swallowed it with some water. Then I put the glass to the nightstand next to me.

"Ok, then you should sleep, now Bella." Alice patted my head and stood up. I turned around in bed and tried to do as told. But I heard them argue outside soon after.

"You have no idea how much I want to punch you right now, dear brother! Are you out of your mind? What did this poor girl to you?!"

"Alice, calm down and stop yelling at me. It wasn't my fault. We just had some little fun that's all. Just because we were together when you came back, doesn't mean I gave her the drinks…"

"I told you already to not act all innocent. I asked Mike when he looked for Bella and he told me, you gave him the drinks that he gave to Bella and someone saw you later giving her drinks, so don't deny it! What did you put in that drink?"

"Well some juices and syrups…"

"And?"

"Some Vodka, probably…"

"This can't be real. Why, Edward? Why did you do that? She hasn't done anything to you. She's just very shy."

"Well, she pushed me and nearly knocked me off earlier…"

"That's a stupid excuse, and you know it. Even you can't be that blind to see that she tripped."

"Ok, right. I just wanted to have some fun. How would I know, she haven't ever drunk alcohol?"

"Fun? Fun! Seriously, how old are you? Great! I hope you had your fun, because now I need to take care of her instead of enjoying my birthday. Thanks, Edward. You are a great brother!"

"Wait, Alice. I will go in and take care." He paused."Look, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would end up that bad. Go and try to enjoy the party and I promise, I will take care of her."

"Are you sure? But be nice. She didn't deserve this, she is a good person."

"Alright. I will take care, but she's your friend. You will have to know if you want to trust her or not. I guess, I can't protect you from the disappointment when she turns out to be different than you thought."

"I wished, you could see her, like I see her. I will have to wait until you finally realize hoe great she is and you will regret how you acted towards her."

"I don't think so…But go now. Have fun."

"Ok, I will come and you can go to bed then…or clean up. I think you owe me some."

With that the conversation ended and I heard the door being opened and shut, but I couldn't stay awake anymore. I fell into a deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7:bad awakening and progress

**Puh, I finally managed to get the next chapter up. I'm sorry for the delay, but I was really very busy last weekend and then I got sick and was too tired to write. I hope you enjoy the new chapter where Edward and Bella make some progress.**

**Special thanks to my reviewers, especially Ratava100d and flame55. You make me keep going on when I struggle.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

When I slept, I wasn't sure if I dreamt or not. I dreamt of my mother and our home in Phoenix, the last excruciating year. I think I cried, too and I felt hands rubbing soothing circles in my back and pat my head, I could even hear a voice from somewhere far away trying to calm me and hush me. The feeling of loneliness gone, I had a calm sleep until I woke up.

I saw the light of the day and heard light tapping of rain against the windows when I woke up. I had no idea how long I slept or what time it was, but it felt like I just woke out of a come. The moment tried to get up further in bed, my head began spinning and I felt nauseous, very nauseous. Where the hell was I? I looked around and saw messy black hair in a pillow beside me.

_Alice_, I thought. I was at Alice's house. I was at her party yesterday. But what happened? I didn't remember getting to bed. The last thing I remember clearly was Mike, who gave me something to drink and us dancing together. The rest was very random. I saw Mike, Jessica and Edward. Edward smile at me. But that was just a dream, right? I had no clue what was going on.

I tried to get out of bed, but it was difficult to hold my balance when I stood and then I felt another wave of nausea hit me and I raced into the bathroom and made it just in time to throw up into the toilet and not onto the floor.

_Good God! What is going on with me? _I wondered. This felt like all the typical symptoms of a hung over, but I never drank alcohol.

I stood up and nearly shrieked when I saw myself in the mirror. I looked like death itself. I was paler than usual, my skin looked livid, I had dark circles under my eyes and my hair was nearly the worst. It stood in all directions, tangled. I quickly brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and washed my face. I looked for my bag in Alice's room and found a fresh towel in the bathroom and showered. That felt so unbelievably good at that moment, it actually made me wake up completely and I felt like a human again. When I looked into the mirror again, I looked better too.

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Bella? Are you in there?" It came from the door.

I opened the door where Alice stood right behind.

"Oh Bella! You look horrible. I'm so sorry! How are you feeling?" She looked worriedly at me and I went out of the bathroom into her room.

"Well, I don't feel that good. I feel like a car has run me down and I feel very nauseous."

"Here, drink that, you need to drink a lot of water and you should eat something." She handed me a bottle of water. "Come on, we go to the kitchen and eat something…" She wanted to drag me down, but I stayed where I was.

"Wait, Alice. I can't eat right now, I feel too nauseous. Could you explain to me what happened? Do you know why I feel so bad? I can't remember how and when I went to bed…The last thing I remember is that I danced with Mike, which is weird enough."

She looked sheepishly at me.

"Yes, I know what happened. It was my fault. I wanted to look after you and I just went away and left you there at the party. I should have known better."

"Alice, stop apologizing, please and tell me what happened."

"Ok. I left you and you stayed with Mike. He gave you drinks with alcohol…but it wasn't his fault. He didn't know himself; Edward gave him the drinks and didn't tell him that there was alcohol in there."

"In those drinks were alcohol?! I got drunk? I really got drunk?!"I was shocked, that was more than out of character for me. I went to a party and got drunk. What would my dad say?

"Yeah and that's not the end of the story. It looks like Mike left you because he went outside with Jessica. And you ended up hanging out with my brother."

"What?! Edward?! I was with Edward?!" I couldn't believe it. How did I end up hanging out with Edward? Why did he even talk with me? I thought he didn't like me.

"Yeah and he gave you more drinks. You ended up dancing on the table in front of everyone when I came back. You were out of control. I've never seen you like this. The crowd was cheering you on and you went with it. When saw you there, I brought you out of there up to my room and after you threw up and calmed down a little we put you into the bed. It seems like Edward planed on getting you drunk. He knew you wouldn't get suspicious when Mike gave you the first drinks; it even went better for him, because you drank Mike's drink, too. He asked Jessica to distract Mike and to get him the chance to get you alone. You were already a little drunk, so you didn't question his sudden kindness and he gave you even stronger drinks. I just don't know what to say. I didn't know that he could be such an idiot. I'm more than sorry for this."

I needed to concentrate to breathe. I couldn't believe I embarrassed myself in front of at least half our school. The house was full and I danced on a table. I wanted to die out of embarrassment. Why did Edward hate me so much? I know we hadn't a good start, but is that really the reason he hated me that much? That was so mean and calculating. He planned on making me drunk so I would embarrass myself in front of everyone.

"I did what? Everyone saw that?!" I choked out.

"Don't worry, Bella. Most of them were drunk themselves. They won't remember and don't think that was the first time somebody from our school did that. It isn't such a big deal. I know you don't like to be in the centre of attention and they might talk about it at school. But it won't be long, just ignore it and I will be there too. "

I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to think how school would be like when everyone knew from my little dance show. It would be even worse than being the new girl.

"Why? Why did Edward do that? Is he really that mad at me?" I was nearly crying now.

"Oh, Bella. He is just a little careless. When I asked him, he said, he was bored and wanted some fun and he was curious how someone like you reacted to alcohol. I think he it wasn't his intention that you do something like that. In my opinion, he just didn't think at all. He can be a very difficult person when he has a problem with you, but he isn't really a bad person. He didn't mean to hurt you with that. It is not an excuse, of course. But he doesn't hate you and he was so sorry it got out of hand like that, even if he wouldn't admit that. When you were in bed, he looked after you, so I could go back to the party. He sat at the bed when I came back and later he tidied and cleaned up the whole mess from the party downstairs all by himself."

She patted my back while she said that and I just couldn't get a clue out of what she said. Edward was the weirdest person, I've ever met.

"Oh, and he got it pretty bad from Rose." She chuckled. "He has a lightly bruised face. She screamed at him like hell broke out and pushed him, but because he drank a little himself he lost balance and fell against a table. Rose was so mad that he did that to you. You know how intimidating she can be and that for a good reason which isn't only her beauty. She isn't a person you can mess with. She was furious he took advantage of you helplessness in that moment for his entertainment."

"Oh, but won't he be mad at me because of that?"

"What?! Hell, no. It was his fault. It was mean and careless what he did. Stubborn like he is, I fear, he won't apologize to you and I wouldn't bet on him being nicer to you now; but I assure you as his sister who knows him his entire life, that he is sorry for it and one day, he will apologize to you. He still has some kind of bad picture of you in his head or something that he holds on to; because he is so stubborn, but I think that you two will be good friends one day. A friend of mine saw you two before your dance show and he told me you got along so well and I saw how caring he was up here."

I snorted at that. I believed her with him being sorry, but I wasn't so sure about the not hating me part.

"Ok, I think we should drop that now. I should go home. Charlie will worry if he gets home and I'm still not at home." I looked at the clock on the wall and as I expected, it was already early afternoon.

"Are you sure, you don't want to eat anything?" Alice asked doubtfully.

"Yes. I will eat when I don't fell so nauseous anymore. It will do no good to eat just to throw up again. And I'm not mad at you. I should have looked after myself better. It was your party and it wasn't your task to baby sit me. What happened, happened and we can't change it. I dread Monday and I'm very embarrassed, but I think I will handle that somehow. For now, I just want to go home."

"Alright. Call me in the evening, please. I want to know you are ok."

I packed my stuff together with Alice's help and she led me down and walked me to my truck. At home I put my clothes into the washing machine, the smelled like sweat and alcohol. I slept a little more and when I woke up, I felt better. Still a little nauseous, but I felt safe to eat. I cooked some fish for me and Charlie that was ready right when he came home. He asked about the party and lied, it was good. I didn't want him to know what happened, because he would just worry unnecessarily. I called Alice after dinner and went early to bed, I was groggy all day and sleep did help a lot.

Sunday I felt normal again and I used the day for cleaning, laundry and home work. The little free time, I had I read the rest of "Atonement", the sad ending making me cry.

Monday came far too early and I felt a lump in my stomach when I arrived at the parking lot of the school. I breathed deeply in and out a few times before, I went outside. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I heard whispers. My name and words like "dancing", "table" and "drunk". It was even worse than first day. They had a reason for gossiping and I couldn't do anything about it. It bothered me that they had now that bad picture of me, that wasn't me at all.

"Hey Bella! Will you do your sexy dance with me next party?"

I looked around to find Tyler Crowley waving and winking at me with a huge grin on his face. I blushed crimson and nearly ran off into the school building. Before I even got in, I heard the next voice call out to me, but I didn't react.

"Bella! Wait, it's just me, Mike." I slowed a little, but didn't stop.

He arrived and walked by me out of breath.

"I didn't get a chance to see you again that night. Alice didn't let me look how you were. I heard of your little dance and that Edward made you drunk. See, I know the first two drinks were from me, but please believe me, I didn't know that there was alcohol in them. I would never do that to you."

"Ok. Alice, told me. I'm not mad at you." I spoke very low and looked at the floor while speaking.

"Good! I thought you were mad at me. Look, I know you feel bad about all the talking now, but I will tell everyone, you didn't get drunk on purpose, that you were tricked. Best would be, to tell Jessica, then the whole school will know." He winked at me and I managed to put on a small smile. We were already at my classroom and I went in.

The stare and the whispering didn't break up, in every classroom it was evident that people were talking about me. Alice dragged me to their table for lunch, assuring me Edward wouldn't be there. Jessica wanted to know everything about the incident, but she didn't seem to believe me when I told her that I didn't know that I drank alcohol that night. That hurt a little, I didn't know what made her think I would lie. I never did anything that would cause anybody to doubt my word. Alice assumed it was the better gossip to spread for her and that she didn't want to upset Edward whom she had a huge crush on. According to Alice, Jessica would do anything to please Edward. That confused me, because I never said, that Edward was involved. Lunch itself was ok; the presence of Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie soothed and relaxed me. I knew now that I could fully trust them and that they stood behind me. I've never had such good friends -I've never really had friends before - and I couldn't believe that such nice people could exist and would want to have something to do with me.

Lunchtime ended too soon and I had to go to biology. I would have to face Edward the first time after the party. How would he react to me now? Alice said, he was sorry, but did that mean he would be any different to me? For the better or worse…

He sat already at our table when I came into the room, but he ignored me completely, doodling in his writing pad. Class started and Mr. Banner had a special surprise for us in form of a project we needed to do with our lab partner. It was a writing project and included a lot of research. He emphasized to do the project together; he wouldn't accept anything that was done separately.

"Great!" I heard Edward mutter under his breath. But it was exactly what I thought too. I couldn't imagine working with him, but we had no choice.

At the end of the lesson, Mr. Banner gave out the themes for the groups and when he came to our table Edward asked him for a word after the class was over. When the bell rang everyone stomped out and when I gathered all my stuff and wanted to head out, I stumbled and all the content of my bag scattered on the floor. I ducked under the table to get everything together.

"Mr. Banner, I wanted to ask if you could make an exception for me and Bella at this project. I don't think, we could work well together and I don't want to ruin my mark because of that."

I froze, Edward didn't seem to have noticed that I was still there. If they discovered me in here, he would think I was eavesdropping.

"Mr. Cullen, I 'm sure you two will work together fine. I was pleased to discover that you two seem to be equally good in Biology. You were always by far the best in here, but she seems to be as good as you, so you should be grateful to have an equal partner."

"You don't understand. That girl doesn't even talk to me. How am I supposed to work with her?"

"I don't care for your personal problems Mr. Cullen. Ms. Swan seems to be a very smart and mature girl, she will be able to let those personal problems aside to get a good mark."

I accidently dropped a book and now that they surely heard there was someone else in the room I didn't have a choice but to come out. I stood up slowly.

"Ah, Ms. Swan. You're here too. Would you agree to Mr. Cullens complaints or do you think you two can manage to work on this project together."

I saw Edward lock his jaw, he looked mad, but didn't say a word. I just nodded shyly, unable to speak.

"Great! There you have it. And now excuse me, I need to prepare for my next class. I will see you tomorrow." Mr. Banner took his bag and went out of the room.

Edward just glared at me, but didn't move. I couldn't move either, but more out of fear than out of rage. After what seemed like eternity, he moved to our table to get his bag. I moved forward, but dropped a book again.

"You really think we can work together?" He asked. "Will you talk to me?"

I stood up again, but didn't turn to face him. I took several deep breaths and said with a shaky voice:

"I will try."

"You really are weird, but I will give my best to make this work."He sounded a little irritated, but earnest.

"Me, too."

"Good. Then we should meet at the library after school." With that he passed me and went out of the door.

I stayed, still unable to move. That was unbelievable! I talked to him! I didn't talk to him face to face, but I communicated with him. I felt euphoric, ecstatic. Now I probably could explain everything to him and apologize for my seemingly rudeness and he might warm up to me.

When I looked at the clock, I realized I was running late and bolted out the door. I came late to Gym, but the teacher didn't mind. The lesson went by quickly and for a change I didn't injure any of my classmates. But I fell at least 5 times. I took my time to get changed as I was still very nervous.

I arrived at the library and took again some deep breaths before I went in. Edward already sat at a table with some books. There was nobody else in there, except the librarian. When I reached him he looked up and took his bag from the chair beside me so I could sit down. I nodded him thanks and sat down. I put my things out and looked over the instruction paper Mr. Banner has given us.

"I took out some books that we will need for the research. I made a draft how we should proceed." I looked at what he wrote and was stunned how well thought out it was. I already guessed he was very intelligent, but having this proof, I doubted Mr. Banner's words that I was as good as him.

We started working and looking through the books he picked out and made notes that we would use for the project. We were silent most of the time, we exchanged our notes and wrote comments if we thought the other has missed something or got something wrong. I was little tense, but I've never felt less nervous around him. After two hours of work we decided to leave it for today.

"Ok, that went good. I guess, I see you tomorrow. Same place, same time."

I nodded.

"You know that we have to talk more at some point. Then you nods won't be enough."

I gulped and nodded again.

"Alright. Bye." With that he went and I stayed until he was out of sight.

I went home with a good feeling. All the gossip from the others this morning was forgotten. Sure, he tried to get out of the project with me, but then he really took care in making things work. He still was an enigma to me and I wondered why I did even care. He was anything but nice to me, but Alice said that there was a reason behind his behavior and I wanted to find out.

At home I cooked roast for Charlie and me, spoiling him a little with my cooking to make up to him that I lied about the party. It was just for his best, but I had a bad conscience nonetheless. As the roast stew in the oven, I read my new book. Charlie came home earlier than usual today and we chatted until the roast was ready. He didn't stop praising the meal until I started blushing.

Before I went to bed, I called Alice and told her about the project with her brother and how we managed to get along.


	8. Chapter 8: Locked up

**Hi there! Sorry about the delay again, but at least it was just one day this time. I had a small writer's block and didn't have a clue what to write in this chapter. Then in heritance law this idea came to me and I hope you enjoy Edward and Bella coming closer. **

**As always big thanks for all the reviews and a special thank to my loyal readers that review every chapter. It makes me so happy to hear your opinions on every chapter******

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

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I was very excited the next day to go to school and probably make some more progress with Edward. Alice was already waiting in the school parking lot when I arrived.

"Hi Bella!" She squealed and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Hi. Alice. Need. To. Breathe. "I choked out.

She released me and beamed.

"I'm so happy, Edward and you talked. Soon you two will get along, even become friends and we all will have sooo much fun together!" She clapped her hands.

We started to head towards the school.

"Alice, I'm glad about the progress too, but don't be so hasty. We get somewhat along doing the project, but that doesn't mean we will become friends. He is still rather harsh with his words and I just think he doesn't like me. My most optimistic hope is to get along with him that we can eat lunch together and him not being rude to me. And I would be ok with that. I just don't want to be scared he says or does anything bad to me. "

"No, that's not enough! I know Edward and I know you, if he wouldn't be so stubborn he would like you a lot. I'm sure you have a lot in common. Oh! I can't wait!" She continued babbling until we were at my class.

"See, you later Bella!" She waved and headed to her own class.

In our class together she thankfully had another subject to talk about, fashion and shopping. I tried my best at multi-tasking, listening to her and our teacher.

After our lecture ended she turned to me.

"Now you can always eat at our lunch table."

"Actually I wanted to take it slow and try not to make the impression I'm intruding, I want to propitiate him for our hours alone later. And, I promised Angela to eat with her, we haven't talked the last few days and she wanted to talk to me about something."

"Bella, you shouldn't let him affect you like that." She scolded and sighed. "But I understand if you want to talk to Angela. Tomorrow you will sit with us again, I'm not accepting a refuse. Edward will behave or I swear to God, I won't hold back kicking his sorry ass anymore, brother or not."

I looked at her wide eyed; a little shocked at her last statement.

"Don't look so shocked, I should have done that after what happened at my party anyway. But no! I have to be the good and understanding sister, though I really don't know any excuse that would be acceptable. "

I grimaced at the mention of the party. That was a night I wanted to forget as soon as possible, though I forgot most of it anyway.

"Please just forget it Alice. What happened happened and that won't make it undone. Don't be mad at yourself for something like this. I'm not mad at you and I don't want you to kick his butt. If he isn't sorry, you won't make him be sorry with that. I don't want a forced apologize."

We reached the lunch room and Angela already waved me from an empty table.

"I'll see you, or call in the evening if anything interesting happens. Calm down Alice."I tried to appease her.

"Fine Bella. But you're a far too good person. You should be the one that gives HIM a hard time. See you then." With that she headed to the lunch table where Jasper and Emmett were already seated. Soon Rosalie and Edward joined them and I sat beside Angela after picking some food and paying for it.

"Hey, Bella! Thank you for agreeing to sit here with me alone, I know you like sitting at Alice's table with the others." She looked at me guiltily.

"Don't be ridiculous." I smiled at her warmly."I like sitting with you very much too and you were a good friend to me so far, you helped me a lot at the funeral and didn't tell anyone. I've never had real friends and now here in a small town, I meet the nicest persons and friend one can imagine. I know I'm not an easy person with all the shyness, but I will gladly be there for you too."

"Now you're ridiculous, you're a great person yourself. You're shyness is no problem for me at all. You see, I'm rather shy myself, but with you I feel like I can be more outgoing and trusting."

I felt a light blush spread across my cheeks, but didn't know what to tell her now, so I changed the topic.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" I asked her.

"Yeah. You know at the party I talked a lot with this guy… Ben Cheney is his name. He seems a really great guy, a little shy too. But he asked me on a date." She blushed now, too.

"Angela, this sounds great! Do you like him like that too? Do you want to go?" I asked smiling brightly at her.

"Ehm…well…actually…yeah. I like him too. I liked him for a long time, but was too shy to show him in any way. But at the party it was so easy to talk with him. He waited for me today before the school started and asked."

"What did you say?"

"I said "yes". We will go out Friday evening. But I don't know what to do. I'm so scared; I've never been on a date." She looked panicked at me.

"I've never dated either, but I understand you are scared, I would be too; even more than you. But I think you shouldn't do anything. He made the first moves and he has to like you, or he wouldn't have asked you out. Try to stay as relaxed as you can and be yourself. You have much more confidence in you than you know." I patted her shoulder and she seemed to relax a little.

"Thanks. I think, I needed to hear that." She took a deep breath and then looked up at me beaming. "Oh, I'm so happy. He seems to like me too!"

"See. You should concentrate on that. But if you really want to have dating tips, you should rather ask somebody else."

"I don't know. There's Jessica…But to be honest, I don't think I shouldn't take her advices on dating."

"What about Alice? I would ask Alice. She is very nice and helpful and I think she likes you."

"You sure? I'll see. I'm just happy I could talk about it with someone."

We chatted until lunchtime ended. Biology was quite uneventful, Edward just reminded me of our meeting after school in the library, asking to be punctual this time while passing me when he went out.

Gym was horrible. We played doge ball and though I managed to not hurt anyone this time, I was hit very bad at times and fell a few more times; once so bad I bruised my face. Coach Clapp let me leave earlier to get an icepack from the nurse. The nurse was very friendly and I didn't even have to say a word. She gave me the ice pack and asked me to bring it back the next day as she wanted to leave now after last period. I stayed a little while at the secretary's office and put the ice pack away before I went to the library.

This time I was the first to be at the library and picked all the books we needed, some from yesterday and some new ones that I was sure we needed.

I began with the work and was surprised when the clearing of a throat interrupted my concentration. I looked up at him and he still had a hostile and annoyed look on his face, but just a second I thought I saw some other emotions on his face, one of surprise, but I couldn't make out the rest.

"I see you are on time today, I hope you keep that up, I don't want to wait for you all the while we have to do this together. "

I just stared up at him and slowly nodded. He looked through the books I have put on the table and took a glance at my sheet.

"At least Banner seems to be right about your intelligence and I don't have to do the work of us both. I haven't found some of these books yesterday. Where did you find them?" He pointed at two of the new books I brought. I looked at them and then at him, still unable to speak.

He huffed."I guess, I will not get a word out of you again…Will you at least show me?"

I looked at him for a few more seconds and nodded.

"Then show me the way." He gestured with his arm at the direction of the bookshelves. I stood up and went to where I had the books from.

"Wait, shouldn't we stay in the biology section?" He asked as I passed the shelves that were marked as the biology section. I shook my head and went on.

I stopped at the shelf I got one of the books from.

"I see, I should have known that our theme was comprehensive and that we will need some chemistry and physics, too. It's ok; I know where you got the other book from. Let's go back and work."

So we headed back to our table.

The next hours passed quickly and silently; again just checking on the other's work from time to time until it was time to go home. And so did the next days too. Alice invited me over for a sleepover with Rosalie on Friday. Charlie gladly approved as he wanted to make an extended fishing trip anyway over the weekend and didn't need to worry about my well being anymore. I asked Alice to eat lunch with me and Angela to give some advice which she happily gave. Though it wasn't very different from what I told Angela before, but it calmed Angela down to talk about it and "get some advice". Rosalie joined our table the other day, so we had some girl talk during lunches this week. They all seemed to like each other, though Angela was a little intimidated by Rose at the beginning too, but she was glad to get some advice from such a beautiful and confident girl. Unlike Jessica, she had a long time relationship and would advice her to just jump him.

Friday I was late at the library again, because I wanted to wish Angela good luck and calm her down as good as I possibly could. She was a nervous as hell, but after some words of reassurance from me she was ready to go…or at least as ready as she could be.

I ran to the library and approached Edward who was sitting at our usual table full with books panting. He glared at me and hissed,"You're late again!"

I tried to tell him sorry, but again no sound came out of my mouth and I tried to tell him sorry with my eyes, of course he didn't get it and just huffed annoyed.

"Today is the last day of our research, after that you have to talk to me and I'm really sick of this already. I don't know what your intention is with all this silent treatment, but I think it would be easier for us both if you could open your mouth."

I stared at him and started to chew on my bottom lip out of frustration, because I tried so hard to say something but his anger only made it worse.

He rolled his eyes. "I can't believe I have to work with you. Never mind! We should get to work, you're late and we have to make overtime already to get the research done this week. We can deal with your lack of cooperation later when it's evitable to talk. "

He brought out all these words out with such anger, venom and resentment that I winced a few times. I wanted to be anywhere else so badly at this moment. The atmosphere was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. I could hardly breathe, a heavy weight pressed on my breast and lungs. But I had to go through this, so I seated myself beside him, as far away from him as possible, but close enough to pass our sheets and began to work.

The atmosphere didn't lighten all through the time we worked. We were the last people in the library and it was dark outside when we finally had all we needed together. We gathered our things and put the two lamps on the library table out so there were only the big neon lights at the ceiling that illuminated the empty library. We took the books and our bags, mine very heavy with all the stuff I needed for the sleepover, and started to bring them back to their right places. I had only two books left when suddenly the light went out and the sound of the big entrance door being closed could be heard through the library. I stood in front of the shelf completely shocked, paralyzed. This couldn't happen. They didn't just lock us in the library. I heard footsteps running to the door and then hands hammer and Edward's voice shouting: "Stop! We're still here! Don't go! We are still in here! You locked us in! "

He went on for a few minutes and gave up.

"Damn! Crab! How can she just go without checking if there are still people in here?!" I heard a loud thud and I assumed he just kicked the door in frustration. I stood there listening; he was silent for a few minutes.

Suddenly he swore a loud "Fuck!" and something hit the floor. Then I realized the books in my hands got heavier and heavier and just slipped out of my hands, hitting the floor with another loud thud.

"Hello!? Bella?" He called out.

I picked the books up and made my way to the entry where he sat on the floor his back leaned to the door.

"So we're stuck in here together. Great!" He snorted. "At least I'm not alone, though I could imagine a better company than you, one that talks at least. But you deserve to be stuck in here too. We may have finished earlier and got out here in time if you were punctual."

_Maybe he is right. It was probably my fault we were locked. _But for once I didn't care. I knew why I was late and for me it was worth it. I could help Angela a little and I couldn't regret that. I was sorry he was stuck here nevertheless; he had nothing to do with it. He wasn't the first person I wanted to be stuck in here with either.

"Wait!" He suddenly said." Do you have a mobile? My battery is low, no chance to call anybody."

Right! My mobile! I put the books down and my bad and began going through it, but my mobile was nowhere to be found and then it hit me. I have put it on the kitchen table while packing in the morning and left it there. I stopped searching, looked up at him and shook my head.

"Great! Just great! Someone up there really seems to have something against me."

He went on and on complaining about his bad luck. After a while I took the books and decided to take them back to their right places. I didn't have to anything better to do anyway.

"Hey! What are you doing? Where are you going?" He demanded to know. I didn't turn and said, "bring the books back" and held them over my head. I stopped in my tracks realizing I just talked to him again. I wanted to smack my head when it came to me that I could talk to him when I didn't face him, when I didn't have to look at him and see his reaction and his general unfriendliness towards me. It was so obvious to me now that I just couldn't believe it didn't come to me earlier.

"What you talking to me now?" He asked sarcastically.

"It's easier not facing you. You make me nervous." Now I knew the secret behind it, I wanted to capitalize it.

"You really are a weird girl."

"I'm just very shy, I always was. From childhood on… Look, I really didn't want to be rude the first day, but when I am very nervous, I just can't get out a single word and it isn't just you that I can't say a word too. I'm always like that when I meet new people, but it usually really annoys them, like it annoyed you and they don't bother to wait for me to relax and calm down to speak. I wanted to tell you sorry for the first day the whole time, but I just couldn't and then you always were so angry at me that it made it even harder to speak. But please believe me that it wasn't my intention to be rude or not talk to you, I would have if I could have." Wow, I was surprised by myself and how I could tell him nearly everything I wanted, now I just hoped, he would understand.

"Hmmm, then Alice was right? You didn't do that on purpose…ignoring me? You _did _want to talk to me…"He sounded skeptical, but I thought I had a foot in the door.

"Yes, I didn't want to ignore you or anything."

"Ok, I take that for now, but I don't trust people that easily, so be warned. I guess, I should apologize then for being so rude to you. I will try to not snap at you, I can be very hot tempered and impatient. Let's agree on a truce. I will try my best to be patient so you will talk to me and you will try to talk to me."

I slowly turned around, he stood before me and held his hand out. I took it and managed what looked like a timid smile.

"Alright, now we might get through this night well, I think they are open on Saturdays, too but they might have other opening times."

I turned back again to finally put the last two books back.

"Why do you want to take the books back now, we will be here the whole night the least?" He asked and I heard him following me.

I shrugged.

"I don't know. I might as well put them back now. I feel better when everything is at its place, I guess." He laughed at that.

"You really are a weird girl."

When I was finished. I browsed through the classic literature section and pulled out one of my favorite books and flipped through it.

"You like reading, huh?" He inquired.

"Yes, especially the Classics, but I also love literature of all countries."

We came across the world literature shelf and I browsed again for something interesting.

I found a book I've heard of a lot and pulled it out. It was Milan Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being". I took it with me as we headed back to the door where we left our bags.

I sat down and leaned my back against the doors with my bag in my lap and he sat down alongside me.

"What do you have there?" He wanted to know.

I gave him the book and flipped through it.

"It's a good book, though I don't agree about their interpretation of love, at least not completely."

I looked at him surprised and he smirked and gave me the book back. I focused on my lap and my hands when I tried to keep the conversation up.

"You really read it?"

"Yeah. Surprised?"He had a playful tone in his voice now that I thought I would never hear from him.

"Yes, I actually never met anyone that reads stuff like that. I don't even know a lot of people that like to read."

"Yeah, me too. Nobody knows that I'm into books except my closest friends and of course my family. So don't tell anyone, or I will do worse things to you than I did."

I was a little shocked and looked sideways to see his face, but he grinned at me so I assumed he joked.

"Come on, relax a little. I'm not that bad. I know that I don't appear to be a nice person, but I'm not as bad as most people think. You have to keep that to yourself too though. What am I talking about? You barely talk to anybody anyway, right?"

"Right. I made some friends here now; I still can't quite believe it. But I'm not a gossip girl, that's for sure."

"It's funny how we can talk now and I even tell you things I wouldn't tell anyone. But don't think I trust you now, I need time for that, just like you need time for talking."

"You're weird." I repeated his words. "I think I've never met a person that was so superstitious like you."

"I have my reasons." He sighed. "Let's talk about something else."

And so we talked while we made ourselves as comfortable as possible, used our bags as pillows and ate some sweets out of the vending machine. We talked about my move to Forks – I of course avoiding the topic of my mother – and my old life in Phoenix; we talked about him and his family moving every few years and the places they've been. Eventually I fell asleep during one of his stories.

**Reviews keep me going and I appreciate each and everyone.**

**By the way, do you want to know where I got my idea from to make Bella that shy? If you are interested I will write it in my next A/N.**


	9. Chapter 9:Can we be friends?

**Hi guys. I'm so sorry that I am so late this time, but I had some private drama and then I went away and I am now in Hungary at my relative's. Unfortunately I don't have internet access here and I am only able to go to the internet rarely and only for a short time. I don't know when I can update again, but I will continue to write on this story while I'm here and I will be back at the beginning of August for sure.**

**This chapter is rather a kind of filler, but with some Edward and Bella bonding, that I need as a lead up to the next chapter and there will be some drama^^. I also apologize for more mistakes or unclear phrases than usual; I don't have a dictionary at the moment and can't look up the exact words I'm looking for…**

**I thank all of my reviewers, especially flame55(and Ratava, though I missed you last time, I hope you're ok and still like this story).I'm not sure when I can answer or write back to reviews, but I definitely will when I get back home in August the latest.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

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I think I dreamed pretty wild, but I couldn't remember what I dreamed. When I woke up warmth and a nice smell enveloped me. I felt safe and at home, a feeling that I didn't have for a very long time. I stayed in that position, my eyes closed to keep this moment as long as I could. I didn't let myself gain full consciousness. But when I suddenly felt movements after a while, my eyes shot open. My yes adjusted to the light and when I looked over to my left side, I saw Edward sitting beside me, leaned against the library door, his arm around me. I leaned against him, my head on his shoulder and he held me close. My heart hammered against my chest and I just stared at him. He was so beautiful while sleeping, there were no traces of the tension I knew from him. His relaxed face was so much more beautiful than usual and that was barely possible. As unfriendly as he was, I had to admit he was breathtakingly beautiful. How could it feel so good being this close to him? From the first day on, he gave me a hard time and now sitting here with him gave me a tingling but nice feeling in my stomach. It was fluttering and the air around where we touched seemed to buzz with electricity.

He moved a little and took one hand to rub his eyes. When he was done and seemingly could see clearly, he looked down at me and smiled.

"Good morning." He said a little hoarse.

I just looked up at him, hoping he would still be ok with me not saying anything.

"Slept ok?" He asked.

I managed to nod shortly.

"Good, because after you fell asleep, you began trembling and I figured you might be too cold and sat closer to you. I hope you're ok with that. I was cold too and I thought it would be good for us both to warm each other."

I blushed deeply, but I nodded again, trying to communicate as much as I was able to at that moment.

He tried to get his arm free and I helped him by leaning forward and he stood up and stretched.

"I wonder when they open the library. It's 6 in the morning; I think it won't take that long now. But I'm so hungry and I don't have any coins anymore for the vending machine."

That reminded me of the muffins I baked two days ago and wanted to give Alice. I looked out for my bad that wasn't far from where I sad and began looking for the Tupper ware box with the muffins. I found them at the very bottom and put them out. There were two flavors, chocolate and blueberry. I opened the box and held it up to him to take one.

"Oh, can I take one?"

I wondered why he was suddenly so contained and gestured him to take one.

"You save me from starving, thanks."

He took a blueberry muffin and began eating. I took a blueberry muffin too and ate it silently.

"Mhhh. That's delicious. Did you make them?"

I nodded.

"I guessed so. You seem be the type that can cook and bake. I'm sure; you are the only girl here."

I was stunned by his sudden change of behavior towards me. I've never seen him being that nice to anyone except his closest friends. But that might probably be out of hunger. I didn't want to get used to this, his mood could change quickly and he would be mean to me again. I couldn't trust him fully either.

We ate all the blueberry muffins that were in the box. I packed them away into my bag and when I looked up again he sat against the door like before. So I sat beside him and began playing with the sleeves of my hoodie.

"That was a better breakfast than you would guess having when locked up in the library." He chuckled. "I still hope that we don't need to stay another night here."

"Thanks for keeping me warm the night." I could distract myself enough with the sleeves to talk to him again. I wanted to thank him now that I was able to. But the closeness to him still made me nervous.

"You're welcome. As I said, I had my advantage of that arrangement too." I saw him wink at me when I looked up and blushed.

We started some small talk and I was again surprised how good it was talking to him. Who would have thought that the grumpy, rude Edward Cullen would be so nice to talk to? We talked about books and our favorite movies. He read a lot of European novels and liked classics like me. It felt so good to talk about those books with someone, I barely got the chance to talk about those kind of books with anyone; partly because of my shyness and partly because you rarely find anyone that shares that kind of interest. He showed me a side of him that I would never have expected to have in him.

I didn't know how long we talked but we were interrupted by loud noises from outside. We stood up and looked at the door which was opining now. The librarian came into view and after she opened the door all I saw something black until I was enveloped by Alice.

"Oh, I'm so happy, you're ok!" she said.

"All right Alice, everything's fine."Edward said.

She pulled away and I could finally breathe again; I was still astonished how such a little person could knock the air out of me every time she hugged me.

"I was confused when you didn't come and I couldn't reach you, but I knew you were alone and thought you might just have fallen asleep and would call me. But when I didn't hear from you this morning and still couldn't reach you, I got really worried. I tried to call Edward since he must have been the last person who saw you and couldn't reach him either. But I had a feeling that I should come here where you two were yesterday for sure." She explained.

"We should go to our place now; we can talk there about it. I'm just glad nothing bad happened. Though you could have great damage being a whole night with Edward, Bella" She laughed and winked at me.

"I behaved perfectly nice, you annoying little pixie sister." He ruffled through her hair.

We finally left the library and drove to the Cullen house. Edward in his Volvo and me with Alice.

"I really hope he was nice to you. We all know how he can be and being stuck in the library surely didn't lift his usual grumpy mood."

"No, no. He was nice. We finally could talk about the whole thing and I could explain to him that I didn't mean to be rude or anything that first day. He is still suspicious but we are on a friendly basis now, I think."

"That's great, Bella!" She clapped her hands out of excitement. "Now you made the first step, the rest will come in time. He don't trust anyone that easily, but I'm sure, if you spend some time with and get to know each other better, he will see that he can trust you and all the problems will be forgotten. Though I will remind him how he was to you and he will make it up."

"Calm down Alice. I agree with you that it's a great step forward, but if he don't like me and doesn't want me as a friend, I will leave him alone. I'm just glad; he doesn't seem to hate me anymore."

"So, you like him…?" She asked.

"Well, now that we have talked, I have to say that he is a great person to talk to when he is in a good mood. But when I can rely on something that has to do with him then it is his mood swings."

"Everything will turn out great, I know it." She said confidently.

I rolled my eyes and dropped it. I would just sit down and see what the next weeks will bring. I still had the project with him and if we could be friends then the project was the best way to find out.

Alice pulled up to the Cullen's driveway and we exited the car. Edward's car was already there and when we went inside he sat already at the kitchen table that was full with food and coffee and fresh orange juice and talked with his parents.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're ok my dear."Esme came over tom me and hugged me as I just stood there completely taken by surprise. "Alice called half an hour ago from the library and told me you were apparently stuck there all night. Though you should have told us yesterday that you couldn't reach Bella, young lady." She chided Alice. "What if something bad had happened to her? You just assumed she was ok."

"Mom, I knew nothing bad has happened. You must learn to trust my intuition."

"However. Come sit down, Bella and eat something. You must be starving. You haven't eaten properly since lunch yesterday, have you?" Esme led me to the table and I sat down next to Edward who was already eating.

"We ate some of her delicious muffins, mom, so we are ok. But a good breakfast after that night is a great idea." Edward said.

"Now, since you didn't sleep here yesterday, you will have to sleep over today." Alice declared."Your dad will only come back tomorrow, right?"

I nodded and took some bacon and eggs.

"Oh, I'm sure your dad would like to know you somewhere safe and not alone at home. You should really stay here." Esme patted me on the back. I looked up at her and wanted to decline, but she stopped me before I could say anything."And there is no discussion about this, we like to have you here and we are concerned about your safety too."

I couldn't say anything to that; I would call Charlie as soon as possible to talk about it.

"Soooooo. Now you have to tell us what happened."Alice inquired.

"Ehm, nothing special. We were late and it seems that the librarian didn't notice that we were still inside bringing the books back to their places and locked us in. Unfortunately my phone battery was low and Bella didn't have hers with her, so we had no chance to get out. We made the best out of it and slept there…"Edward answered.

"It must have been cold there, dear. I hope you didn't catch a cold." Esme looked concerned over at me and then Edward.

I blushed when I thought about how I woke up that morning.

"Don't worry mom, we were ok. I took care that we didn't freeze."Edward tried to calm her. We talked all comfortably for the rest of the breakfast and after we finished, I went up with Alice to her room. I took a shower and was more than thankful that I had clothes to change in my bag. I felt like newly born when I came out of the bathroom.

I still needed home for my mobile and new clothes for tomorrow, not to forget to call Charlie. Alice was kind enough to drive me first to school to get my truck and drove after me to my home.

Charlie was worried when I called him and was nearly driving home when I called him. He tried to reach me too and called my mobile several times. I assured him that everything was fine and the he didn't need to come home, told him shortly what happened and he was glad to know that I wouldn't be alone and stay at the Cullen's. He wanted the Cullen's phone number though to be able to reach me in the future.

I packed some new stuff and we went back to the Cullen's with Alice's car.

"Can I ask you something, Alice?" I asked on the ride.

"Sure." She replied.

"You said, you only called Edward in the morning when you discovered that I still wasn't reachable. Why didn't you or your parents worry about him? He was missed too."

"Oh, he wasn't expected at home for the weekend. He wanted to visit a friend and he usually doesn't call when he's away unless it's important. So we didn't notice he was missed."

"Ahh, ok. Now I understand. You all seemed so worried about me and there was no word about Edward, so I was really confused."

We reached the house and Alice made plans for the evening while I unpacked my bag. There was a knock at the door and I opened it because Alice was on the phone talking to Rosalie about coming over and do a movies night with Emmett and Jasper. Edward stood at the door and I let him in.

"Hi." He smiled at me and I began liking him more and more with every encounter since our talk in the library.

He sat down at Alice's couch and I seated myself next to him. Alice finished her call and turned towards us.

"Rose, Emmett and Jasper are coming over. And you? Are you staying, Edward? Did you make up your mind?"

"Yeah, I guess it would be better to stay. So, am I invited to this little party too?" He winked at me.

Alice bounced up and down."Of course! That's great, now we can all spend some time together since you got finally some sense into yourself my dear brother. Bella is now part of our little clique and it would be better if you would be nice to her and you guys get along. Or

else Rose and me will have to beat some sense in to you."She joked.

We prepared some snacks for the evening and when it was time to go and rent some movies, Alice claimed she needed to do something urgently and that Edward and me should go together.

We both knew Alice was up to something and that was a really stupid , but we would find out soon enough. I was more relaxed around Edward now so, I was fine with going with him alone.

"Do you have already something in mind what we could watch?" He asked while we sat in his Volvo and I stared outside in thought.

"No, not really. I like really nearly all kind of movies, so I'm not very picky." I answered my gaze still fixed at the window and the sight.

"You know they made also a movie out of "The unbearable lightness of being"…"He said, obviously trying to keep the conversation with me, which again surprised me. It was as if he turned 180°, now he behaved the exact opposite than before.

"Yeah, I knew that, but I haven't seen the movie either and I would rather read the book first and I also doubt that the movie take out has that movie or that any of the others back at your house would want to watch it." I chuckled.

"You're right; Alice would smack me in the head if I would bring that movie. I have it at home though and if you want to, we could watch it together some time…" He suggested. My heart skipped a beat and I turned my head to him and stared completely taken by surprise. Did he just invite me to a movie? I wondered what the hell was going on with him. I would have asked him if he were on drugs if I were brave enough.

_Seems like he's really trying…Maybe he isn't that bad after all._ I mused.

He cleared his throat.

I snapped out of it and nodded hesitantly.

"Is that a yes?" He asked and I nodded again.

Well, it was for sure better to be some kind of friend of him than someone he hated. I didn't want to ruin our restart and though I was a little frightened about the prospect to watch a movie with him alone, I was curious and happy about the fact he asked.

We arrived at the movie rental short time after and we went inside and started browsing through the shelves with the movies. We agreed that we would pick both separately a movie, representing the girls and the boys and after that we would pick one movie together. I wasn't so sure that I were the right one to represent the girls, I wasn't that much into those so called "chick flicks" and Alice and Rosalie both seemed to be into those kind of movies. After a while of strolling and picking movies just to put them back, because I made up my mind, I choose "Australia". I've heard that I should be a good romantic movie and I also liked movies directed by Baz Luhrman. Right before I even started to look out for Edward he appeared suddenly at my side smiling brightly. I got a very weird feeling in my stomach and I couldn't take my eyes of that bright smile of him.

"And? What did you pick?" He asked.

I just stared at him in awe. I didn't know what had gotten into me, but I felt unable to respond in any way.

He waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"Hello! Anybody at home?" He chuckled.

I broke out of my daze and held the movie in my hands up.

"Oh, alright. I think Alice and Rosalie will be happy with your choice. And I think you could have picked something worse. Wanna know what I picked?"

I nodded slowly.

He held up "American Gangster" and I smiled and held a thumb up. I actually wanted to watch that movie too.

"So you would like to watch that movie too?" He inquired and I nodded.

"You are really a weird girl, I'm sure Alice and Rose won't be happy about that choice. But hey! That's why you should come with me and pick a girl movie." He winked. "Now, we will see if we can agree on one movie together."

So we browsed together and discovered that we had a very similar taste in movies. He pointed to a movie and asked if I had already seen it and how I liked it and I would hold a thumb up down or mid air. But after a while we agreed on "Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang" as it had comedy, a little action and a little romance.

We headed back and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were already there. We had a very fun and entertaining night. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. It felt so unbelievably good to have friends and spend time with them, without worrying or being nervous. Edward and I got along very well, what surprised me the most. I still couldn't talk to him directly in the face, but he was patient and friendly. As the evening got later we even joked together and as Alice said many times before we had a lot in common and even I could see us becoming great friends now. I couldn't remember being that happy in a long time, even before my mom got sick.

It was after midnight when we finished the last movie and went to bed.

In bed, I couldn't sleep while million thoughts went through my head, all of them revolving around Edward.


	10. Chapter 10: Exposed

**Again, I'm very sorry for updating so very late. Being away from home made writing hard, but as I don't have any big plans the coming months, I might go back to update every week again. I promise, I'll try.**

**So, this chapter was very important to me. Actually it was my first idea for the plot apart from the general concept. This is the big turning of Edward and Bella's relationship, even bigger than their first real conversation in the library. I actually didn't want to ask for reviews, but this chapter is very important and would love to know what you think and you can ask questions of course. I will answer them as good as possible without giving away future chapters.**

**Thanks to everyone that has reviewed so far (especially flame55, who always reviews), to those who put this story to their favorites and alert lists.**

**And I hope that the answers I sent for the reviews of the last chapter arrived. There was some error at ...**

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It was Monday after a great weekend where I cleared up some misunderstandings. I knew that it would be great if I could finally talk to Edward, get him to not hate me. But this… this was far better than I imagined. Not only seemed the situation have bothered me more than I admitted myself so that the improvement felt like a huge rock was lifted from my heart, but he was also a nice guy. More than nice. Once he was on friendly terms with you, he showed you more of his true nature, which was kind and friendly. I wondered what else positive characteristics he had when I just got to know him better.

I wasn't too experienced with the whole friendship thing, but with Edward I felt so different than with anybody else and we weren't even really friends yet, we were building a friendship I guess. I felt still nervous around him and even after the whole weekend, I couldn't look him in the eyes while speaking. Sunday we had breakfast together, the Cullens and I; after that I went home, did some work around the house as well as homework and cooked some fish for Charlie, the way I knew he would like the most. But no matter in which kind of relationship I was with Edward, no matter in which way he behaved around me, most of my thoughts were of him. Which was very strange. At first I thought it was because he was the only person in Forks that seemed to resent me and that upset me, so it was logical to think a lot about him. But now, that problem with him was solved and I still thought about him. I wanted to know why exactly he reacted that way the first day and after that, the reasons he gave me were understandable, but I got a feeling that the was just the surface of it. He didn't lie to me, of that I was sure, but he didn't tell me all of his reasons and I desperately wanted to know. And that fact confused the hell out of me. Why did I even bother that much? What was it about Edward that I wanted to know everything about him, not just things related to me? Well, that was a lot to process and I pushed it aside, but I had to find out. Now I just needed to focus on school and our bio project together.

I went through the parking lot and suddenly realized something was odd. The students that passed me, even the one that were far away, stared at me and whispered; they had all light yellow sheets in their hands. I went inside to find Alice, maybe she knew what was off, and she knew all the gossip better than me. I was shocked once I saw what covered the lockers like wallpaper. It was a picture of me, copied from a magazine and the word "liar" was written over my face in big letters. My heart began to race and I rat through the halls, not sure what I was looking for, but I just went. I came to a stop once I saw Edward in a hall handing out the yellow sheets with a vicious smile. I walked to him just shocked; I didn't know what so say, even if I were able to, I just stood in front of him looking at him, looking in his eyes.

"There you are! Miss-I-am-so-shy-I-don't-want-to-be-in-the-center-of-attention! You liar! It was all an act and I found out and now I let everyone one the truth. When you really are so shy, then why are you at the cover of a nationwide magazine? I really don't know why you put that entire act on, but I hate liars. Were you just one of those who try to get my trust and take advantage of me? Did you want to get popular through me? I can't believe I actually nearly fell for it." Venom was clearly in all of his words.

I knew where that picture was from. I was taken by my mother; she said she wanted to show me how beautiful I was, she wanted to show me, me. She knew how hard it was for me to interact with people of my age and she thought it would be easier for me, if I saw how people saw me. But before she even showed me those pictures, she got sick and I forgot about it and I thought she forgot about it too. Even though I never have seen those pictures of myself before, I would recognize my mother's pictures everywhere. The magazine was some kind of art magazine she always tried to get her pictures published in. I guess she wanted to give me that as a present, to make her point clear that I didn't need to be shy about anything that people would like me. Well, that was her opinion and I knew her well enough to know why she sent those pictures of me of all the pictures possible to that magazine.

All I could think about was my mother how hard it was to be there for her all through the sickness and how hard it was to watch her die in great pain.

I felt so exposed to not only the entire school, but the whole world. That wasn't what my mother intended, Edward did the worst thing I could possibly imagine. He not only called me liar in front of the whole school, he also destroyed my mother's last present for me. It could have been nude pictures and I wouldn't have felt more exposed. My mother had the ability to capture not only the outer beauty of people and stills, but also the character of them. My soul was exposed there in the picture, that was me, the true me with all my light and shadow. All those people staring at me, now I understood the stares in the parking lot and the halls. This was so much worse than my first day. I my picture was all over the school and to make sure every student at this school saw that picture, he handed the sheets himself out to them.

I really didn't know what to do. The room started to spin, my heart beat so fast, I thought I might get a heart-attack, Edward continued to talk, but I couldn't hear him anymore, I just heard a ringing, I felt sweat flow down my face, all the air was pressed out of my lungs and I couldn't breathe anymore, my whole body began to tremble. I tried to take deep breaths; all I did was panting and wheezing, my neck felt tight. No matter what or how heard I tried, I couldn't breathe. This was a panic attack, quite clearly and this was the worst panic attack, I ever had. I couldn't focus on anything, I felt trapped in my own body, I couldn't control it anymore and the worst thing was that I was suffocating. I didn't have any feeling for time or space, it felt like hours that I was in this state until I felt arms around me. Somebody pressed me into their chest, a hand was put over my breast and I heard a voice right at my ear.

"Bella, focus on my breathing. Feel me breathing in and out and try to copy that. Only concentrate on me. Everything is going to be okay, just focus on breathing."

And I did just that. All I heard was that voice murmuring over and over again to breathe to focus on him- now I could make out it was a him-that everything will be alright, all I felt was the chest pressed at my back and the hand over my own chest instructing me how to breathe.

Everything began to get clear again. I took slow and steady breaths just as instructed. I saw a lot of people around me, looking down on me, but I still only heard the voice in my ear. But I realized I was at the floor, sitting n the lap of the person who helped me, who saved me. It felt like I was dying, suffocating and he saved me. I focused more on hearing and realized that I could only hear the voice in my ear because everybody else was silent, they just stared at me, looks of concern and curiosity. Though all my senses were back, I couldn't move or speak.

Suddenly Alice appeared in front of my face, she seemed to sit beside me.

"I think she is better. We should move her to the nurse, Edward." She said.

_Edward? _I wondered.

Before I could even register that the hand wasn't at my chest anymore and I wasn't pressed to the other chest, I was in the air, lifted by the one that helped me. I was enveloped by the best smell I ever smelled, a mixture of something like after-shave and a very personal individual smell of a person. I took deep breaths of it and it calmed me even more.

"God, you are such an idiot! Just look what you have done! I know you are very impulsive and all, but seriously, just think before you act once! You saw that picture in Esme's magazine and just jumped to your own conclusions, but you acted before you even tried to confirm them. And this was so mean, it would have been an overreaction even if what you thought were true. She clearly doesn't deserve this. Why couldn't you just look into that damn magazine at least?! There is an article and more pictures. Her mother was a photographer, that's why those pictures were in an art magazine, you moron! Esme wanted to buy some new decorations, pictures or paintings. However, in the article is the letter her mother sent with the pictures, explaining that she wanted to show her daughter how beautiful and wonderful she was and in the article also stands that her mother recently died of cancer. You have no idea how much I hate you right now! I really don't understand why you react so extreme when it is about Bella. Seriously! I know you have still issues with trusting and being taken advantage of, but you can't just go around acting like that just because you were hurt. It doesn't excuse everything and it's not fair to take that on other people." Alice spat at the person who carried me and now I was sure it was Edward.

"Here we are. I called Carlisle and he will be here shortly. Put her down."We were at the nurse's office and after Edward put be down, I could see him. He looked concerned, guilty, apologetic and sad, but didn't say anything. I saw Alice talking to the nurse, probably explaining what happened. The door opened and a man I haven't seen before personally entered, it was the principal of our school, Mr. Summers.

"What is going on? What happened?" He asked.

Edward went to him. "I will explain it to you outside, it's all my fault. My father is coming to check on her." They went out.

Alice sat with a chair next to me.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he would do anything like this. He went early to school today, but I had no idea he planned anything. I saw the magazine on Sunday, I was bored and went to through Esme's magazines in the living room. I was so surprised when I saw that picture and I read the article. I wanted to talk to you today about it, I didn't want to have that conversation on the phone. But I was so stupid to leave the magazine right on top at the living room table. He must have seen it and got mad. As you see, he jumped to the conclusion that you tricked him, all of us; that you acted shy. In his mind being on the cover of a magazine-I think he didn't even register that it was an art magazine and not some girly fashion magazine or whatever from mine- just contradicted that behavior, he thought you were lying. But don't get me wrong, I don't want to justify his actions, I'm so mad at him myself and I'm sure our parents will be as well, I just want to explain what happened. I won't tell you more, because it's his task to explain it. And to go on his knees to beg you for forgiveness which you shouldn't grant him."

The door opened and Dr. Cullen came into the room. Alice jumped to him and hugged him.

"Hi dad, thank you for coming, you need to check on Bella. She had a severe panic attack in the hall. She trembled and panted and didn't react to anybody who spoke to her. Edward calmed her down and she does react now, but I think you should check on her. I haven't seen anything like that, she looked like she was suffocating, like she was dying." She explained.

"Ok, let me just see. Please, leave the room." He said in a calm tone.

Alice did as she was asked and the school nurse followed, shortly greeted by Dr. Cullen with a nod.

"Hi Bella. I will quickly check on you, just pulse, blood pressure…If it is ok with you?" He went to me with his black leather doctor's bag. I nodded slowly, but I still couldn't talk.

"It sounds pretty bad, what Alice has told me. Was this the first time you had a panic attack?" He asked while he began his examination. I shook my head.

"Has it ever been that bad before?"

Again I shook my head.

"Alice hasn't told me the details. Do you think you could tell me why you had the attack?"

I shook my head.

"But you know what triggered that reaction?"

I nodded.

"Ok, so far, I'm finished. I can confirm you had a severe panic attack. I can check on your blood too, but for that we should go to the hospital and I guess that it would just say that you still have high adrenalin levels. But we should probably go, just to make sure…"

I put my had on his arm and looked pleadingly and shook my head. I didn't want to go to the hospital, I felt better and I didn't want my dad to worry too much. I also thought that going to the hospital wouldn't make any difference.

He sighed. "I thought so, but I'm worried. It isn't normal to have these severe panic attacks. Are you in therapy?"

I shook my head.

"Well, I guess, I shouldn't force you to go to the hospital. But we will drive you home and call your dad. Alice or Edward will drive your car. You should rest for the rest of the day. I will give you something that will calm you down and make you sleepy. You should be ok tomorrow, but you should stay at home another day, just to make sure and you should think about therapy, if this happens again."

All I could do was look at him and nod. I didn't want to go to therapy. I didn't want to talk to some stranger about myself, about personal things. It was hard to talk about these things with friends or family; I couldn't imagine doing that with a stranger. No, this panic attack was because of the unusual situation, I didn't think it would happen again. Or I hoped so at least. This extreme situation would have been hard for anybody to deal with, not just me. I was touched by Dr. Cullen's concern, but he exaggerated. The first thing that needed to be dealt with now was what I would tell Charlie. I didn't want him to worry too much about me, he was worried as it was, but if he knew about what happened…I needed to talk to Alice, she could probably help with that. My dad liked her and she would be able to tell the story in a way that it didn't sound as bad as it really was. Nobody could resist Alice.

"Alright, stay here for a little while longer. I will send Alice in here. I guess I have to talk with the principal and with my son about this. Alice just briefly explained what happened and that Edward was involved. I have a feeling that he will be suspended and I and my wife will also have a serious talk with him." He patted my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile.

Just shortly after he went through the door, Alice came in and sat beside me.

"Are you ok?"

I cleared my throat and tried to say "yeah", but my throat was too dry.

She pulled a bottle of water out of her bag and gave it to me.

"Here. I always have a bottle of water with me, just in case. "She winked and I drank the half of the bottle with big gulps.

I cleared my throat again.

"Alice." My voice sounded like I haven't used it in days and I paused for a moment. Alice looked expectantly at me. "My dad,…"

Before I could continue, she interrupted me.

"You don't want him to overreact, right? Dad called him and told him that something happened at school and that he takes care of you, but I guess, with that little information he will just worry more. So we should call him and explain and you should tell him that you are ok."

I nodded and was simply grateful that Alice didn't need further explanation, she just knew. So she put my bag in my lap before I could even ask where it was. I took my mobile out and saw that I had already 5 missed calls from Charlie. I took a deep breath and called him back.

"_Bella!" _He let out a deep breath. _"Finally! Are you ok? What happened? I got a call from Dr. Cullen that something happened at school…"_

"Dad, calm down. I'm ok, it's nothing serious. I'm going home and will rest, you really don't need to worry. Well, I will give you Alice and she will explain everything, uh…I will talk to you later about it." My voice still sounded strained.

"_Oh, ok. I will come home. See you there, Bells."_

Before I handed the phone to Alice, I covered the speaker.

"Alice, would you please not tell my dad that it was Edward. You leave out names, ok?" I asked her. She looked confused, but nodded and took the phone.

I didn't even pay attention to Alice and what she told Charlie. I didn't know why I didn't want Charlie to know that Edward was the cause for this whole situation. Though, I didn't want him to barge in all this. Who knows what he would do when he knew who humiliated me in front of the whole school, who called me liar and disgraced my mother's last present for me. I wanted to deal with that myself, though I didn't know what I would do with Edward. I was hurt, disappointed and even angry, what is quite unusual for me. But I had every right to be angry.

Alice ended the call and gave me my mobile back.

"I think, I could calm him down a little. At least, he knows now what happened…You know parents, they always think of the worst cases. He still very concerned though, you need to talk to him later. I kept Edward's name out of it like you asked, but he will try to get the name out of you later. Edward is suspended for the rest of the week and will get detention for two weeks and I'm sure, he will be grounded too. Not to forget that he will get an earful from our parents…and me…and Rosalie…and the others. I know it doesn't help, but he is sorry. He knows the truth now, about your mother…that you didn't know that you were in that magazine and that you quite clearly didn't want that kind of attention. He began to realize his wrongdoing when he saw your reaction and I'm glad, he knew what to do at that moment. When I arrived, you sat on the floor panting and not reacting to anyone or anything, it was really scary, I didn't know what to do or how to help you. Edward on the other hand knew exactly what to do, he knew the techniques to get you to breathe calmly and though he was the reason for you panic attack, I'm glad he was there to help you. Although I know this is too late, I assure you that you don't need to worry anymore that he will harm you ever again in any way. Not only will I not let him, but he himself realized how wrong he was about you. He is a douche bag and I don't know if even I can forgive him for what he did, but trust me, I know my brother and he is honestly sorry and would do anything to make it up to you, if you would let him. That is up to you and I would understand if you just don't want to see or talk to him again, I just wanted you to know that he regrets what he did and not only today, but also every other mean thing that he said or did to you.

Well, dad will drive you home now and Edward will drive your truck, because I will stay at school and Edward is suspended anyway."

I gave Alice the keys for the truck and after she gave me a hug and promised to visit me at home tomorrow and went away. Dr. Cullen took me to his black Mercedes and drove me home. We or rather he didn't talk that much until we arrived home, where I sat on the sofa while Dr. Cullen just stood in front of me.

He insisted to wait until Charlie arrived at home and gave me some pills that I should take after Charlie arrived and go to bed.

There was a knock at the door and Dr. Cullen answered it, he talked or rather argued with the person behind the door and came back to me.

"Here are your keys for the truck. Bella, Edward would like to talk to you, but you really don't have to see him now, if you don't want to. I don't want to interfere in your or my son's business, but I would advise you to talk to him about what happened. Not necessarily today, I would even rather say that it would be better to do it some other time, you had enough stress as it is, but it's up to you."

My heart began to race again, I wasn't ready for any confrontation with him right now.

"Alright, I see. Now is definitely the right time for this, I will send him away."

He went back to the door and went outside to the porch. After a few minutes he came back.

"He is now in the car waiting. But he will want to talk to you still, he is very stubborn. I could convince him that it would make it everything only worse if I would let him talk to you. You need rest right now." He paused a moment and looked at me very seriously.

"I'm sorry for what he did, I'm very disappointed in him. It's not how we raised him and he will be punished. There will be no party or going out for him in the near future and he will help me out in the hospital for a week, entertain the kids and the elderly people…I hope some decent work will straighten him out a little."

The door opened and Charlie came in with an anxious expression on his face.

"Bella! Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm ok." I tried to convince him.

It was a little awkward because Charlie clearly wasn't sure what to do, he still wasn't used to show affection especially in front of other people. He came over inspected me for any injuries, I guess, but as there were none, he began to talk with Dr. Cullen.

I excused myself, took a glass of water with me upstairs, after assuring Dr. Cullen and Charlie to rest.

I was thankful to be alone. I changed into comfortable sweat pants and an old wife beater, took the pills Dr. Cullen gave me and went to bed. It didn't take long to fall asleep and it wasn't only because of the pills, I was emotionally exhausted. It was a horrible day and all I wanted was to forget about it.


	11. Chapter 11:Trust and Truth

**Hi guys! I managed to update quicker than the last times and now we will learn more about Edward.**

**To be honest, I hoped I would get more response for the last chapter because it was personally very important to me and also a big turning point in the story. **

**I really don't want to ask for reviews, but they really help when I'm stuck and I want to give up on this story because I'm frustrated. **

**So, I will send you teasers, if you want to and write a review.**

**Thanks to all of my reviewers so far, especially for the loyal flame55! I love you all!**

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**Chapter 11: Trust and Truth**

Whatever Dr. Cullen gave me to take, it was good. I slept through the rest of the day and the whole night without dreaming or rather without remembering to dream. I woke up a little confused, but I felt rested and calm. Slowly my memory of the previous day came back. I felt uneasy, but I didn't panic. I was glad I didn't need to go to school today and face all the people that either witnessed my break down or heard of it. I was the subject of gossip for the whole school and knowing small town schools that wouldn't get boring all too soon. That must have been the most exciting thing that happened at that school in years. Not to mention that the students of our school told their parents and so the whole town knew that the Chief of Police's daughter broke down at school. Great! Now I couldn't even go grocery shopping without being stared at. They must think I am crazy. I groaned and ran my hand through my head and tugged frustrated. The next weeks will be torture.

There was a knock at the door and the after a short pause Charlie popped his head through the door.

"Good morning. You are awake. How are you feelin'? He asked while letting himself in and sitting at the end of the bed.

"Well, I feel better. Rested and although I will be the gossip of the whole town for the next weeks, I am still calm." I sighed and looked up to him.

"That's an unpleasant side effect. But you will have to go through that and I will be here if you need anything." He patted my head and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Thanks, dad." I tried to put up a brave smile.

"You missed a lot of calls yesterday. A lot of people called and asked if you were ok. They might come by today to see you and give you the homework."

"Oh, ok." I didn't know what to say to that and an awkward pause evolved.

"So, now tell what exactly happened yesterday."He broke the silence." Alice told me briefly, but I want to hear it from you." He inquired.

I took a deep breath and told him what happened, sans the information who was the person responsible for my break down, but I told him that Edward calmed me down. I didn't know exactly know why I protected him, he clearly didn't deserve it, but something deep inside of me just told me it would be better to conceal from Charlie what Edward did to me and not just better for him, but for me and everybody involved in any kind of way. Charlie was overprotective, has always been and he would overreact. It was already hard to sort this out on my own, without anybody else to interfere and I was ready to deal with the consequences of my own decisions, but not with the consequences that would result from Charlie's interference. So I changed the subject and instead told him honestly how I felt, about missing my mother, about her last present for me and about my panic attacks. He listened intently and let his interrogation drop. Surprisingly he didn't pressure me into going to therapy, though he tried to reason with me because he cared and just wanted my well being and happiness. We came to a compromise in the end where I agreed to contemplate therapy if something like this happened again and that I talked with him about my problems. That talk was really relieving and showed me that I wasn't alone after my mother's death. Charlie and I didn't have a close father-daughter-relationship, I haven't been with him most of my life; I didn't blame him for that, it was just because of the circumstances. I started to regret that we-my mother and I- excluded him from her illness. I didn't know why my mother insisted on keeping her sickness secret from Charlie, but I didn't want to deny her any wish even if that meant that I had to go through everything alone. I told him I was sorry to not tell him what was going on then with my mom until it was too late and that I knew now that it was a big mistake. I began to get him to know better every day and I was realizing that he was a good parent, in some ways even better than my mom. With him I had some sort of consistency and though he was overprotective, in situations like this he respected my decisions.

"So, I guess that was necessary and I'm glad for your openness in this conversation. Ehm, it would be time for me to go to work, but I will stay, if you need me. I'm here, you know."

"Thanks dad, but you helped so much and I'm not a child anymore and I can stay at home alone for a few hours. I'm ok; I need some lone time to think about everything and to brace myself for tomorrow. And I can still call if necessary."

"You sure?"He looked unsure.

"I promise. And now go or you will be late and that wouldn't look good as the Chief of Police, would that?" I winked.

He ruffled through my hair and gave me a on my forehead and went with a low mumbled "I love you. Bye" through the door.

"I love you too, dad." I said, though he most probably couldn't hear me anymore.

I decided to leave the bed and get ready, for whatever this day provided for me. So I showered, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and changed into something comfortable, but somewhat presentable if I would have guests, simple black yoga pants, a white tank top and a grey hoodie. I went downstairs and made myself a bowl of cornflakes and eat them in the living room while watching cartoons. Like Dr. Cullen advised, I just relaxed and take everything as it came.

I found a notepad with all the calls I got yesterday and I was surprised it were so many. It seemed like I worried too much, because most of them were simply concerned instead of curious.

At noon Alice called at lunch break from her cell and informed me that she would come by after school and that Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie said "hi" and were looking forward to see me.

In the afternoon though the first people who were at my door were Angela and Mike. They even bought some cookies for me.

"Hi Bella! How are you?" Angela asked concerned.

"I'm ok. I'm happy that I have another day before I have to face the loin's cage. I was taken off guard yesterday and now I think I can deal with it."

"Well, the whole school talks about it, of course and they know about your mother, too. After the cover was all over the school, a lot of the people bought the magazine and now even those who didn't buy the magazine know about your mother. I'm so sorry; I know you didn't want everybody to know."

"Oh, well. That's something I have forgotten." That shocked me a little and I gestured them to come in and into the living room where I sit down for a moment. I should have thought of that. Of course people would be curious about the magazine and after what Alice said about the article, they figured everything out, just like Alice. Could this go any worse? Going to school tomorrow seemed to get harder and harder.

"Bella?" Angela put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, sorry. I need a minute to digest that."I tried to give her a small smile.

"I understand."She smiled back.

"Argh! That Cullen. If he wasn't be suspended, I would have beaten his sorry ass!" Mike growled.

"Mike, I know you have good intentions, but that would make everything worse. Leave Edward alone. I don't anybody to interfere. That would only draw only more attention to me and I don't want more attention."

"Ok, but if you need help, just ask me, alright? It would me my pleasure to beat his ass."

I rolled my eyes. _Boys. _As if there weren't any other solutions. But on the other side it was really nice because he would do it for me; because he considered himself as my friend. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad facing school tomorrow, at least I had friend who stood by me.

"Here," Mike said and pulled a notebook and some sheets out of his messenger bag."This is homework from yesterday and today. And Mr. Banner said that you have more time for the bio project and that he wants to talk to you about it."

That shocked me again; this day was full of surprises I didn't take into consideration: I completely forgot about out bio project that I still had to work on with Edward. As things were now, I surely didn't want to do it with him anymore, no matter which effect it had on my grades. Edward proved again that he hated me and that he could and would make my life a living hell and I was sick of trying to get him to like me or at least not hate me, because I had more reason to hate him by now than he.

"Thanks Mike and Angela. It is so good to know that I still have friends after this embarrassing incident."

"Of course you have! We like you and what happened wasn't your fault, we just worry and hope you get well. Naturally people will gossip now at school and I know that is the last thing you want, but know that we are here for you. All of us. Everyone of our lunch table told us to they look forward to see and we would have come all if we didn't think it would be too much at once. You really don't have to worry about that, you have all of our sympathy." Angela gave me an encouraging smile.

Wow, that was some kind of speech and I was touched by their concern and sympathy for me.

We talked for a little while and ate some of the cookies with some soda I found in the fridge and served them. As they went they again had encouraging and comforting words that melted my heart. It was so great to have friends. Back in Phoenix not a single person would have visited me at home after that kind of incident.

I was clearing up the living room when the doorbell rang again. I opened up, you to be nearly knocked off by the tiny but strong body that was Alice's.

"Ow, I'm so glad to see you. Are you okay? When will you come back to school? Are you mad at me?" She spoke so fast while I couldn't move an inch because I was crushed by her hug.

"Alice…can't…breathe…"I choked out.

"Oh, sorry." She finally let go of me and looked up.

I could finally fill my lungs with some air and took a few breaths before answering.

"I'm ok. Tomorrow. Why would I be mad at you?" I tried to answer all her questions. "But come in first.

We went again into the living room where there were still some clean glasses and the bottle of soda. I filled two glasses and handed her one.

"Well. I don't know. He's my brother and I should try to stop all of his evil plans. I thought maybe you would be upset that I didn't do anything." She looked down sad and ashamed.

"Come on, Alice. We talked about this already after the party. You shouldn't feel guilty for what your brother does. He makes his own decision and I just know that you would have stopped him of you had known what he planned. I trust you. You have done so much for me."

"I still feel guilty, but I get what you want to say. "

There was an awkward pause.

"Bella, if you really trust me, then why didn't you tell me about your mother?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't tell you, Alice. I wanted to, I really did, but I didn't feel ready for it. Not because I didn't trust you and it wasn't that I didn't want to tell you specifically, I just didn't want to talk about it; with anybody. I didn't feel ready to talk about it. I haven't even really talked about it with my dad. I just was glad to have friends and I wanted to adjust to my new life and then deal with all of the things that happened the last year when I felt ready for it. I should have told you, all this serves me right. If I had told you, all of this probably wouldn't have happened."

"Now you blame yourself and that is all kind of wrong. I understand why you haven't told me, you just couldn't. It's ok. If I got that right, you've been through a very hard time and I think I couldn't talk about it that easily either if were you.

What happened is the fault of my stupid ass brother! I swear to God! If I didn't know better, I would say he's adopted. Everyone is mad at him for this. Our parents talked with him for hours, he's banned from the next parties and other social events and he has to help my father in the hospital, do all the shitty jobs there like cleaning and helping the nurses, look after children and entertain elderly people and stuff. He's lucky, he's suspended, and otherwise Rose would have beaten the shit out of him. The last time I've seen her so mad, Emmett's dog chewed on her favorite Manolo Blahnik's; she nearly ripped Emmett's head off." She giggled and winked at me. "I can understand her though. I don't think I was ever that mad at him either. I really don't know what to do with him. He's on silent treatment at the moment. But he got one favor from me though, because he's right with it."

She sighed and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, he wants to talk with you and if wouldn't think it would be better for you to at least listen to what he says and hear the reasons behind his behavior, I wouldn't let him. But matter of factly, I think it would be better for you to know that all of this has nothing to do with you personally and that he doesn't hate you, that you didn't do anything wrong. He's a complete moron, but he's my brother and I know him and I know that beneath all of his jackassness he's a good person and I know that he is honestly sorry for yesterday."

She pleaded with her eyes and there was desperation in her voice.

I thought about it. The last thing I wanted to do is see him or talk to him. I was hurt and angry. But I couldn't ignore that if I looked rationally at this, she was right. Even though I didn't feel ready for that encounter now, I knew it would be better to do it before I went to school.

"Okay." I simply said.

"Really?! Wow, I thought I had to talk you into this more. Well, great. He will come by soon, after he finished at the hospital and I will wait outside, if you needed me. But he will behave, I promise. Or so help me God; I will assure that I will never be an aunt!"She said through gritted teeth.

At that I started to laugh loudly and freely.

And I couldn't stop. She started to laugh too and I was on the floor with tears in my eyes in the end when we finally calmed down.

It felt so good to laugh, to laugh it all out. Nearly as good as crying all out.

We talked for another hour about anything but yesterday or Edward, when suddenly her phone rang. She looked at it and turned to me.

"My brother is outside and asks if he can come in…"

I just nodded.

"Okay, then I will go outside and let him in. You can stop at any time. I will wait outside."

I nodded again.

"You will be fine and Edward will be nice, I promise."

She hugged me and went.

I poured myself another glass and drank it down, and then I poured myself another glass and some into a clean glass and put it on the table.

There was a light knock at the open living room door and there he stood. I have never seen him like this. He was always that confident, even cocky and arrogant looking boy, like nothing could get to him. No his shoulders hang down and his head, he didn't look confident at all, quite the contrary, he looked unsure; he looked like a puppy how was kicked.

"Come…come in." I stuttered.

He came in and I gestured to the couch to sit beside me.

"Ehm, Bella." He paused and cleared his throat looking uncomfortable."I don't know where to begin. Uh. Look, I'm so sorry for what I did. I know I don't have any excuse for this. I am an idiot and I wasn't in my right mind when I did that.

I uh…saw that picture of you in that magazine and I saw red. You were all shy and silent, not out for attention. Then I see that picture which shows the contrary. Absolutely nobody is at the cover on a magazine when he doesn't want attention and is shy and all.

The only conclusion: it was all an act. You lied and pretended to be somebody you're not. You got to me and I treated you already differently than anybody else at school, except for my lifetime friends. You wanted to gain my trust and be friends with me and use me then to get popular. And absolutely nobody uses Edward Cullen. I promised myself that nobody will ever use me again.

Those were my thoughts and the state of mind that I was in when I plotted to reveal to the whole school what a false person you were; that you were fake and a liar that nobody should trust in.

See, my parents moved a lot before we finally settled down again in Forks. We never stayed in a place longer than a year. But we have a lot of money and without attempting to be arrogant I realized that we-Alice and I- attracted most people. So finding friends was not that much of a problem. I wasn't always like I was now. I know I'm not friendly or overly nice to anyone and I do it on purpose. Before I was nice, friendly outgoing, I trusted people that they liked me for who I was and I trusted them to be honest with me. So I was always there for my "friends", threw parties and all. I didn't see that I often gave more than I got, because I honestly believed these people were my friends and in true friendship you don't weight how much you do for your friend how much he or he gives in return. But I found out that those people were only using me, they took advantage of my friendliness. They let me down when I needed them and I found out they were mocking me for being so stupid to trust them and believe that they would give a shit about me. And that happened not just once, because I tried again and again to find true friends and I was disappointed every single time again. I was always popular, but I never had any real friends besides Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, my childhood friends that I always stayed in contact with."

He looked really said and hurt when he told me this and I was stunned that he showed me this weak side of his. He put himself out there and always got just hurt and disappointed. I began to understand him more.

"At one point I just gave up and decided that you would never let anyone hurt me that much ever again and the best way to do so is to not let anyone get to you. I changed, I became arrogant and cold towards my classmates or anyone else my age that tried to be friends with me. And it worked. I was still popular; people still wanted to be around me, so I sticked to that. I didn't care if people thought I was a jerk; there were still people who thought I was cool and back here in Forks, I had my childhood friends that I trusted and around them I could be me. So when you came, I behaved like always, like a jerk. I am used to people kissing my ass and you didn't even say a word; that annoyed the crap out of me, so I treated you badly. You befriended with my sister and I got suspicious and I thought at least one of us should be careful with you. Then we were locked up in the library and I looked at you and everything told me that you were honest, so I gave you a shot. But I can't let go of my insecurities and my mistrust that easily. So when I saw your picture on the cover on that magazine, I lost it. I have let my guard down for you and I thought I found out you lied to me.

I know all of this in no excuse and I shouldn't even dare to ask for your forgiveness, but I am truly sorry for what I did. "

He looked me deeply in the eyes and all I could see was pure honesty. I was stunned. By his honesty, by his confessions and apologies. I didn't know what to do.

The anger I had before flew right out of the window, but I wasn't sure if I could forgive him right away.

"Edward. I don't know what to say. I appreciate your honesty and I understand the motives behind your actions. But I don't know if I can forgive you right now. You hit my weakest point." I felt tears welling up my eyes when I thought about yesterday and my voice became weaker."You humiliated me in front of the whole school..."My voice cracked and gave out.

I closed my eyes to regain my composure.

"Bella…" He touched my shoulder and I should have pushed his hand away, but I couldn't; it feels good."I'm so so sorry." And suddenly I was pressed to him in a hug and he stroked my hair.

"I really wished I could turn back the time and stop myself. You know, I liked you right from the beginning…but I couldn't let my defenses down, so I was even more of a jerk to you. Alice was right, you are a good person and a good friend and I really hope that we can be friends if you can forgive me and let me make everything up to you."

He held me and it felt so good. He should be the last person in the world that I should let hold me, but I feel myself calming down again and he smelled so good. How could he be the person who put me through all of that and then be the person who could soothe and comfort me like no other? This whole thing was very confusing.

It was like yesterday when the only person who knew what to do and calm me down and spare me at least from the humiliation of being transported to the hospital by an ambulance, was Edward.

Being there in his arms felt like the whole world would stop and all of my worries vanished for these moments.

When I calmed down again and felt strong enough to talk again, I pulled away and looked up to him.

"I need time, Edward. I can't forgive you all at once right now, but I already begin to forgive you. I can see that you mean all of it and that you are sincere and although you were the reason for my panic attack, you also were the one who helped me."

He sighed, what seemed a big sigh of relief and looked me deep in the eyes again and smiled.

"See, you can talk to me in the face."

I laughed, because I didn't know what else to say to that.

He was right. I didn't even realize that I finally could talk to him in the face and that was again a small victory against my shyness.

"I promise, I will make everything up to you as good as I possibly and I will never hurt you again or let anyone else hurt you in any way." He gave me another hug and stood up.

"Thank you so much for hearing me out and for being so understanding. I need to go now, but if it is okay to you, I might join Alice when she visits you."

"Thank you for your honesty, I know it must have been hard for you. I won't tell anyone about it, I promise. You can trust me with that. And you can join Alice if you like."

He smiled and went with a quick "bye" out of the door.

"Goodbye" I said, although I knew he wouldn't hear it anymore.

That was a lot to take in and I could tell that this was a day full of surprises, Edward being the biggest one. I knew it was stupid to forgive him and that he actually didn't deserve it, but I had no choice, I just did forgive him. Though not completely. If he really wanted to be my friend, he needed to gain my own trust in him.

There weren't any bigger events the rest of the day. Charlie came home when I was ready with dinner and we ate while we chatted about trivial stuff, we already had a big talk that day and we needed to take it step by step.

I went to bed and after think about the whole day and all that it revealed, I finally fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12:Facing the crowd

**Hi guys! I'm so sorry for the delay. For once the delay is not only my fault, there was some error here on and I couldn't update.I have to work on a superboring assignment right now for the upcoming four or five weeks and it is hard to find a muse. I really hope that I won't take that long for the next chapter. As always O try very hard to update as soon as I can.**

**I did get so lovely reviews for the last chapter and I want to thank you so very much for them. Like always a special thanks to flame55 who is my most loyal reviewer.**

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Chapter 12: Facing the crowd**

I'm wandering the dark halls of Forks High. My books are clutched to my chest while I make my way through the halls. Darks shadows pass me with a constant whisper.

The whispers grow loud and louder until I have to put my hands on my ears because I can't stand them anymore.

I stop and crouch down, my hands pressing firmer to my ears as the murmurs get unbearable. I feel cornered, lonely and I want to scream for the whispers to stop, but I can't.

Suddenly a light appears in front of me and the murmurs stop and the shadows disappear. Out of the light comes a figure. I can't make out who it is or how the person looks like as I'm blinded by the light from behind him. All I can make out is the silhouette of the stranger; he's male and tall with broad shoulders. He comes to me, picks me up and carries me into the light.

And that's when my alarm woke me up.

Wow, that was a very weird dream. I knew what the shadows and the whispers in the school hall meant. It was exactly what I feared and what was most likely to happen today at school. But why was I saved by this stranger? What kind of solution to my problem was that? Surely there will be no knight in shining armor to save me in real life. I had to say that the silhouette was oddly familiar as well; as if I knew him.

Dreams can be so confusing, but I needed to get ready now if I didn't want to be late.

Charlie had already left when I came down into the kitchen, but he made breakfast for me. The bacon was only slightly burnt and the eggs were only slightly too salty, but it tasted good anyway, because he made the effort. I knew that couldn't cook and I also knew that he hated to cook, so it was one of the kindest gestures that he could have come up with.

When I arrived at school, I took several deep breaths before I felt somewhat ready to leave my truck and face the school crowd. Before I could even look around, I was pulled into a hug by Alice. I could swear she was a little bolt lightening as I never saw her coming.

"Hi Bella! I'm so happy to see you back at school! You look good! Edward said that your conversation went well, but I wasn't too sure…"she chirped.

I wondered if she ever would stop assault me every time I met her. It was cute and just so Alice, but I sometimes had my problems following her.

"Good to see you, Alice. At least it's a friend that I see first today." I gave her a small smile and climbed out of my truck, just to be met with three more reassuring smiles of Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie.

"You don't need to be afraid, we are all with you and will help you." And with that every single one of them gave me a hug. I just stood there startled, not able to respond.

But I didn't need to, Alice just pushed me to the school building without expecting for me to thank them or say anything. They were just there for me without expecting anything in return and proofed again that they were true friends.

At school, there were of course the stares, but surprisingly it was quiet. No whispers and nobody asked me about the incident or made any crude comments about it, like I expected. That was really weird, but I calmed down a little. The stares alone weren't that bad, naturally people were curious after watching me break down in front of the school, but they all held back.

Every lesson at least one of my friends was always with me. The best was with Rosalie when she walked with me through the halls to the lunch room, as no one dared to even stare with the look on her face.

I had a feeling that it had something to do with them that I wasn't tortured with what I had expected to come.

I tried to act as normal as possible and just ignored the stares. I sat the first half of lunch break with Mike, Angela and the others and the second half with Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, to show both groups of friends how thankful I was for them. We didn't talk about the day before yesterday and they just joked around like usual.

Biology was quite boring as we just watched some movie, but Mr. Banner wanted to talk to me after class.

"Bella! Good to see you're back! Are you ok?" He asked.

I was a little confused and wondered what he wanted from me.

"Ehm, yes. I'm good. What did you want to talk to me about? I have Gym next lesson and will be late…"Not that I minded, every minute I was late was a gift.

"Well, it's about your project with Mr. Cullen. I wanted to know if you are still able to work with him after the incident. I don't know the reasons behind all that, but I would understand, if you wouldn't want to do the project with him anymore. I would allow you to do something alone and give some more time for it."

Now that was a surprise. I completely forgot about our project and we lost two days already. Mr. Banner was so nice to give me another option and I might have taken it if he gave it at the very beginning when I didn't talk to him, but now I promised Edward to try to forgive him and become probably friends. I promised to give him a chance and if I would take Mr. Banner's offer, I would not only throw away all the work we have done so far, but I would also punch him in the face- metaphorically-with it. Not that he wouldn't deserve it, but it wouldn't be fair to ruin his school grades and I wasn't a revengeful person either.

"No, Mr. Banner. I have a truce with Mr. Cullen and we already put so much work in this project. I think I can handle Mr. Cullen now."

"Good." He sighed what seemed like a sigh of relief."I was really looking forward to see your work, you are both so good." He paused. "I will give more time to hand it in, ok?"

"Thanks. We'll see, we might probably be able to hand it in on time, I don't want a special treatment."

"Ok, the offer still stands. But now you should go. "He gave me a piece of paper."This is for Coach Clap if he asks you why you're late."

"Thanks." I took it and went out. I walked as fast as I could to Gym. Although I really hated Gym class, I didn't want to overstretch the opportunity that Mr. Banner gave me to be late. Coach Clap accepted my excuse for being late and I went to get changed quickly in the locker room.

As I went in, I heard two girls talking, one I recognized as Lauren's voice.

"Yeah, she is such a poser. I don't believe any of her act. She wanted all the attention. Oh, I'm so sad, my mommy died." The last part she exaggerated in a whiney tone.

I shut the door quietly and opened it loudly to let them know someone was coming. They stopped talking, saw me, shared a look and went outside.

I changed as fast as I could, trying to maintain my composure. I would not cry now, not here.

We played volleyball and I was even clumsier as I used to be and hit a lot of people somewhere with the ball, unfortunately it never hit Lauren.

After school was finally out, I went to my truck, just to see Alice waiting there for me.

"Hey Bella! I though…"She looked at me."What happened?"

"Nothing" I lied, I didn't want to cry and if I had to talk about it now I would.

"Bella. I can see that something is bothering you with one glance."She warned me, but instead of grilling me further in the parking lot, she took the keys out of my hands, opened the truck and climbed in on the driver's side. I didn't say a word, just sat in.

We arrived at my home shortly after and when we entered the house, I went straight to the kitchen and made some tea and looked for cookies.

We sat in the living room and I told her exactly what Lauren had said, a few tears overflowing.

"The day went so well. The stares didn't bother me that much, but that just caught me off guard. "I explained.

"Lauren loves to gossip and she doesn't like anyone except herself and temporarily anyone who can help her to get what she wants or some good gossip and entertainment. She loves being in the centre of attention and hates that you get it without effort or even wanting it. She is the kind of person that Edward meant. She uses people and drops them like a hot potato as soon as they are no use for her. She was all over him, because he just always gets attention and is popular and all. When you came along, everybody talked about you, even my brother even though not very nicely. She hates that she is ignored because of you. Don't let her talk get to you. She is a poor character that may have some power now at high school, but will be a nobody later." She tried to comfort me.

Maybe she was right, but right at that moment Lauren's word just still hurt. But one of the reasons why I didn't want attention was that people would talk and think of you badly, regardless what you did; you just couldn't be liked by everyone. I didn't want to be liked by everyone, I just wanted friends, real friends, and I didn't want to be popular. I knew I shouldn't care about what people like Lauren thought about me, or what anybody apart of my friends or family thought about me, but if you hear those things, it just does hurt and you can't do anything about it.

However Alice presence distracted me and we just chatted for a little while. She managed to make me laugh and after two hours I had forgotten what Lauren had said.

There was a knock and I was surprised to find Edward standing at the front porch.

"Hi." He said timidly.

I gaped at him for a moment. He really seemed to be serious about the things he said yesterday.

"Hi. Uh, please come in. Alice is here too."I let him in and led him to the living room where Alice was.

"Uhm, what can I offer you to drink?" I asked.

He seemed nervous and shrugged his shoulders."Just some water is ok."

I went into the kitchen and came back with some more cookies and a glass of water.

"Thanks" He sat on the recliner and I sat down next to Alice on the couch. The atmosphere was awkward.

"I talked to Mr. Banner today and he asked me if I wanted to do the project alone." I blurted out, just to stop the weird silence in the room.

"Oh," he said, he seemed disappointed."So you want to do it without me."

"No, I said we would be ok. He offered to give us more time, too. We lost three days already, but I think if we work hard and at the weekend too, we might be able to be on time with the others. But only if you want…"I offered him an out, not sure of our situation and not sure if he would follow through with his promises.

"Yeah, I want to. We already worked so much on it and I'm sure we can make it in time."Now he smiled. In relief? Or was I imagining things?

"So, we should work at it at someone's home…"He stated.

"Great! Bella, then you can come at our house after school every day!" Alice squealed.

Alright so at least, we didn't need to discuss where to meet. I actually didn't mind going to the Cullens and I thought that Charlie would approve, because it was about school and he loved Alice and respected Dr. Cullen.

But that appeared to take Edward by surprise as well and he Alice a strange look and she just winked at him and had a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Well, my dad has a lot of books, including some that we could use, so that might be the best solution. But if you would feel more relaxed at home, we can work here, I wouldn't mind."Edward uttered.

What the heck happened to him? He looked so unsure of himself, he was very tentative towards me as if I might break if he wasn't careful enough.

"No, it's ok. You're right. If you have some books there as well then it is the best solution. Your home is fine for me."And I tried to give him a reassuring smile.

The atmosphere was still very awkward and I just didn't know what to do about it.

"Oh, I forgot something! Edward can I have your car keys, I need to go quickly and will be back soon and you two can settle everything for you bio project."Alice stood up, took Edward's car keys and shot out of the door.

Edward and I sat there flustered. But I took the opportunity to just talk directly, quite out of character for me.

"Ok, the tension in here is really unbearable. What is your problem?"

"What?" He pretended not to know what I was talking about, but I saw right through that.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"Ok. Honestly, I'm not quite sure how to approach you now. Yesterday, all I wanted was your forgiveness and I still want it and I was determined to convince you to let me fix it. Now that I got the chance, I'm not sure how to begin.

I haven't tried to become friends with anybody for some years and I don't apologize that often or try to fix the things I did wrong.

I know you're shy and that I have to gain your trust in me now and I don't know what will be too much. I don't want to push you and scare you away."

"Edward, just be yourself. Your true self that you don't show people from school. I'm not made of glass and I won't break that easily. If I feel under too much pressure from you, I will tell you ok?"

I didn't knew where all that confidence came from, but I wanted this to work too and right now I had the upper hand, so I didn't need to fear if I did something wrong. He needed to proof himself and although I didn't plan to take advantage from that position, it just calmed me down a little.

"This situation isn't easy for us both, but it will be ok, if you just stay natural and I will give my best to be not so shy." I gave him an encouraging smile and he smiled back at me and the tension was much lighter.

"Ok.

So, how was school today?" He wanted to know.

"Well, it was ok. Not as bad as I thought it would be. People just stared a little and left me alone." I winced when I thought about Lauren in the locker room.

"What?" He inquired.

"I heard some girls gossiping about it in the locker room and it just took me off guard when I heard them as the day went so smoothly, but it's ok. I will survive and it actually wasn't a surprise."

"No, it's not okay! What did they say? Who was it?"

"Uhm…I only recognized Lauren. She said I was a poser and put on an act and then she mocked me." I really didn't know why I was telling him all this, but I didn't think about it, I just did.

"Lauren is a bitch. Don't listen to her.

God! I'm so sorry Bella. I put you into that situation and now I can't even be there at school to make them all shut up." He looked desperate and I believed him.

"What's been done is done. I will get through that. I will stay away from Lauren."

"Still…" he sighed.

We dropped that and started talking about lighter topics; about music and teachers…

Then Alice came back and they both went home.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Charlie allowed me to go to the Cullen's after school and at the weekend for the project.

The next day I sat with the Alice and the others at lunch when suddenly Edward came into the lunch room and climbed up onto a table.

"Everybody listen. This is Edward Cullen speaking and I wanted to apologize officially to Bella Swan for calling her a liar and making those flyers and embarrass her in front of the whole school. Bella is a kind and friendly person who is just a little shy and she did not know she were at the cover of that magazine I copied on the flyers. I was an idiot and a jerk for doing all that and I'm very sorry. I am not worthy of her friendship, but I will try everything to fix all of my wrongdoings and everybody who screws with her will have to deal with me."

With that he ended his speech and went out of the lunch room.

The whole room was silent and then everybody was speaking. Of course now everybody was focused on me and my reaction. I didn't know how to take his declarations. I saw the intention behind it. He wanted to clear things up to stop the gossiping, though I wasn't sure if that really made people stop gossiping. He also put himself out there and pointed out all his wrong doings in front of the whole school and apologized which was rare, as he said himself. And he insulted himself.

"Wow, now that was a speech! Edward never apologizes, especially not in public because that would ruin his reputation of being an ass. Who knew shy Bella Swan would throw him down from his high horse!" Emmett chuckled."Good work!"

"But…but…I never said, he should do anything like this." I stuttered.

"Yeah, we know. But that's just how he is when something is really important to him and there wasn't anything that was important to him in long time." Jasper explained.

"He may get detention or some more days for suspension for that, he isn't allowed to school til next week." Rosalie mused.

"Oh." Was all I could comment on that.

"Bella, I think you finally are bringing my brother back!" Alice took my hand and squeezed. She looked deep into my eyes and I saw gratefulness and love.

I went to biology and people looked strangely at me all the way.

I sat down at my usually table that was empty, because of Edward's suspension.

"Hey Swan! What did you do to Cullen? He is an ass to everyone besides his clique and he never apologizes for anything." Mike, who sat in front of me had turned backwards and winked at me.

I didn't know how to respond and I was deep in thought, so I didn't say anything and class started.

After torturous Gym class, I went to the parking lot and Edward leaned against his Volvo that was parked next to my truck.

"I thought you would drive with me home for our project. I will drive you back to your car later." He said if nothing had happened-especially in the lunch room- and just smiled at me and my heart rate picked up at that adorable expression of his face.

I just nodded as I couldn't think straight at that moment. He opened the door for me and I climbed in.

The car ride was silent at first, but eventually I said, what I wanted to say.

"You know, you didn't need to that."

"But I wanted to. I wanted set things straight, so they don't need to guess anymore. And you said, I should be natural. I did what came natural to me. I screwed up badly and humiliated you in public, so I needed to do that in public too. "

"Did you get punished for that?"

"Well, I got detention for next week when I go back to school, but that's ok, that was worth it. Finally something, I don't regret." He winked at me and I had to smile at that.

We arrived at the Cullen house and he led me to the dining room table. He brought some book from his father's library and we started writing our stuff together.

Esme interrupted us once to spoil us with some delicious cookies and homemade lemonade.

It was so easy to work with him suddenly. We worked in perfect sync together and we had a lot of work done by the early evening when we stopped for the day. If we would keep that up, we would be able to finish in time.

Esme invited me to stay for dinner and I called Charlie if it was ok for him to eat at the diner today. Charlie had no problems with that, but reminded me not to come home late.

I helped Esme and Alice set up the table as Edward put the books back and put the rest of our stuff for the project into his room.

Dr. Cullen came home right when everything was ready, greeted me friendly and asked how I was and if Edward behaved.

"I'm good actually I am working with Edward on our biology project. He apologized and is really nice to me now."

"Good."

We ate dinner which was a formidable chicken alfredo and had nice conversations. This was what a real family must be like.

I loved my parents and I wasn't angry with them because we weren't that kind of commercial family, but I often wondered how those kind of families were like and if they really existed or were only an invention of advertising industry and the church. But the living proof was right in front of me and it was nice to watch. The best part about it was that I was welcomed so warmly and they all treated me like a family member. As if I would belong to them. We laughed a lot and after we finished I helped Esme clear the table. To my surprise Edward joined us.

"He always helps me." Esme smiled as she watched him from the kitchen while he went back to the dining room to get the rest of the plates." He is a good son, even if he makes mistakes."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to answer to that, but apparently I didn't as she started to put the dishes in the dishwasher and hummed to herself. I helped her and we finished cleaning up everything very quickly.

I said goodnight to everyone and Edward drove me to school to get my truck.

"It was nice to have you for dinner. You fit in very well and I can tell they all like you very much." He stated.

I felt a little shy about those compliments and blushed a little.

"It was nice to be there. You have a great family. A lot of people don't have that." I looked down into my lap, as I felt a little sad and though about my mother. She would have liked the Cullens.

"Hey! You can come over any time, you know. My mother cried when she read the article in the magazine and I have never seen her as mad at me as when my father told her why I was suspended from school. She told me to tell you, that our door is always open for you and that you can call any of us any time."

I felt overwhelmed that this family, although they barely knew me offered me so much.

"Thanks."

We arrived at school and he got out of the car with me.

"To make things easier it might be good if Alice picked you up for school tomorrow and you went with her after school. I will drive you home in the evenings. If you want…"He seemed a little nervous about it.

I didn't think much about it and just said "yes".

"Well, then I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, have sweet dreams."

He went back to his car and I went home.


	13. Chapter 13:A true friend

**Chapter 13:**** A true friend**

**Again I have to apologize for the delay; I only can say that my assignment holds me back a little. **

**Thanks to all of you who favorited me or this story, put me on alert and reviewed. It truly keeps me going and pushes me to write this story. A special thanks to flame55 for always reviewing every chapter.**

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I was at the Cullen's home.

I watched a movie sitting on the couch with Edward.

We were unusual close as we stared at the screen. Our legs were touching as well as our arms and shoulders.

I felt really awkward, but strangely good in a way. I could decipher it; it was unlike anything I have ever felt before.

I stared at the screen, bit I had a tickling feeling in the neck as if being watched and as it was Edward who was the only person in the room, and it just couldn't be. Why would he stare at me all the time?

After a while I tried to look at him out of the corner of my eye and indeed, he seemed to watch me.

"Uhm, what are you doing?" I asked, still afraid of looking at him.

"Nothing", he mumbled.

I turned my head and nearly gasped at how close he was to me. Now that I turned my head, our faces were just inches away.

He looked me right in the eyes and I could barely breathe by the intensity of his gaze. I wanted to run away from him and at the same time I wanted to get closer. I waited for him to do something, but he just stared and breathed in my face. My heard pounded heavily in my chest, my breathing was quick and my palms sweaty.

He inched closer and I went crazy with anticipation and want.

_Want? Why did I want this?_

I was surprised how much I wanted him to kiss him and right at that moment I didn't care.

He got closer and his lips parted slightly and I did the same without thinking.

Just as his lips brushed mine I suddenly nearly jumped out of bed, shocked by my alarm that woke me from my dream.

I was breathing heard, sweaty and my heart raced. I laid back in my pillows panting.

Without looking I turned the alarm off.

_Jesus Christ! I just dreamt about kissing Edward!_

That dream confused the hell out of me.

I barely got used to the idea of befriending with Edward and now I had a dream about kissing him.

But dreams didn't always have meaning behind them.

Still that t dream didn't let go of me, although I wasn't quite sure what I should interpret into it and I really tried hard to ignore it, I couldn't dismiss it. So it dominated my thoughts in my daily routine. I found a note from Charlie saying that he went to the Blacks for dinner and watching some football game and that I should call him in the afternoon if I wanted to come, but he also left some money for pizza if I didn't want to come. It was nice to give me the choice, but apart from the fact that needed to work on the bio project at the Cullen's the afternoon; I really couldn't imagine anything more boring than watching sports with a bunch of men, even if Jacob, illy's son was nearly my age.

Alice pulled up in time in front of my house with Edward's Volvo, cheerily in the morning as ever. Of course she pulled me into a bone crushing hug. I felt a little awkward around her, because I had that dream about her brother, but I tried to push that from my mind when I greeted her.

"Why did you take Edward's car to pick me up?" I wanted to know when I was seated in the car and she began driving.

"Oh, just to tease Edward. When he asked me to pick you up for school I said, I would only do it under the condition of taking his car. Of course, I would do it gladly with my own car, but it was much more fun this way. He is obsessed with his car and he usually doesn't let ANYONE drive it, so I made that condition just to see if he would go that far and to piss him off." She explained and giggled all the time.

"Oh." I just said.

Edward would give away his precious car to Alice for ME?

I believed him more and more to be honest and genuine with me, he seemed to try really hard to make it up to me.

When we arrived in the parking lot, Alice went to look for Jasper a she wanted to talk with him about something. I thought that she simply wanted to have a few private minutes with him before school started.

In school I was greeted with Mike Newton who walked me to class, although I really didn't need it anymore. As always he talked alone most of the time and I had a hard time paying attention to what he said. I mostly nodded despite the fact that I actually could talk around him relaxed and more freely, because I knew him enough by now to feel comfortable to have conversations with him. He still didn't seem to mind my lack of words though and at these moments he somehow reminded me of Jessica who talked just as much as him without giving others the chance to have a word. Both seemed to be this way when they interacted with others than me though, so I didn't feel offended or anything. In my case it was mostly even better. I didn't feel like talking to him anyway.

The first lessons passed and I didn't pay much attention because my mind was wrapped up about that dream.

I really wanted to talk about if with somebody and usually I would go to Alice, but it was about her brother, so I just couldn't do that. So the next person I could think of that I could trust enough with it was Angela.

I asked her in Calculus if we could have lunch together in a private spot somewhere.

At lunch time we went outside to have lunch. It was quite chilly, but we ignored it to have the opportunity to talk alone.

"So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" She inquired.

"Well, I had a very confusing dream last night and it just doesn't get out of my head." I paused and looked away, embarrassed about what I was about to say.

"I dreamt about kissing Edward." I blurted out.

"Oh, okay. But it was just a dream…Do you want to kiss him?"

"Uh, no." I choked on a sandwich that I was eating. "Or I don't think so, I have never thought about it. I was so fixated on trying to make this friendship thing work that it just surprised me to have this dream.

In the dream, I wanted to kiss him so badly. With the whole atmosphere of the dream it just felt right. But most importantly, he made me feel to want to kiss him in the dream. The way he looked at me and the way he slowly came closer." My body reacted when I thought about it and I felt a small tug in my chest.

"Look, I think it was really just a dream. Was he ever like in the dream in real life?"

"No."

"Then you subconsciously put your dream kiss and projected it onto him, because he is the person you think about the most after all the events. After all that happened it's only natural that you think about him and that it sticks in your brain and you dream about him.

I had once a huge crush on a boy and I dreamt that he stabbed me in the heart. Although I had feelings for him, I didn't dream to kiss him or anything, I dreamt he killed me. And in another dream, I dreamt I kissed a teacher although I clearly didn't have feelings for him. That actually really grossed me out.

So you see, your feelings or actions in a dream don't necessarily have to do anything with your real feelings."

I thought about it for a moment and in the end I had to admit, she was right. I mused entirely too much about that dream, it didn't need to have any meaning. Hell, I sometimes dreamt about much weirder things than that!

"I think your right. I might just think about Edward too much the last few days, because of the incident and therefore I interpreted into that dream too much. It doesn't mean anything and I should try to work on my real relationship with Edward which is only on a platonic and friendly basis."

We chatted some more outside and she talked to me about Ben, with whom she was going to have a date tonight and she was pretty excited.

The rest of school was as uneventful as usual; I could concentrate on my lessons again and I nearly broke my foot in gym. My ankle hurt a little and I hobbled a little to the silver Volvo where Alice was already waiting for me.

"Hey! Are you okay? Why are you hobbling?" She asked while I entered the car and she started the engine.

"Oh, it was just Gym…Sports and me are never a good combination, but it's nothing really."

"Ok. Where were you during lunch?" She demanded.

"I had a private talk with Angela outside during lunch. She has a date and is very excited." I knew, I edited but I really didn't want to bring my dream up. She might interpret too much in there.

We chatted about a lot of nonsense on the way to her home and decided that we wanted to go shopping with Rosalie sometime next week when my bio project with Edward was over and that we should have a sleepover this weekend as I would be in her house for the project anyway.

When we arrived and went inside we were greeted sweetly by Esme with a snack she had prepared for us.

Edward wasn't home yet from the hospital where he had to help out as a punishment.

"Oh, it's so nice of you to prepare this for us, thank you:" I gestured to the snacks on the kitchen bar and sat down at the bar stools.

"Oh, I'm glad I can give you a little treat after school and before you start to work on your school project. I'm sure Edward will be happy for it too when he arrives back home. He should be here any minute."She smiled kindly at me.

"Does he have to help out after school started too?"

"Not during the school days, but at the upcoming weekends. We see that he is truly sorry for his actions, but as much as we don't like to punish him, we have to. We know that he is a good boy and we are so proud of him and our Alice here. He is so dedicated when he helps his father out at the hospital. It is so sweet how he reads stories to the children and how he plays chess with the elderly.

We all misjudge situations and we all make mistakes, but we all have to deal with the consequences. He took his punishment really well, I guess he starts to grow up. At least, I hope he learned from his mistakes."

I was impressed how loving she was and still strict enough to lead him the right way. He didn't get the usual punishment like being just grounded for a few weeks or so. They want him to learn.

I took a chocolate chip cookie and was overwhelmed how good it tasted.

"Mmmm, that is so delicious. What kind of cookies are these?" I asked.

"Oh, my own creation. I can give you the recipe if you like. You muffins the other day were really good as well."

"Mhhh, what smells so delicious here." We heard from behind where Edward just entered the kitchen.

"Welcome home, honey. Sit down and eat." She hugged him and led him to the barstool on my right which wasn't occupied. I rather would have thought, he might be embarrassed by this display of affection of his mother in front of me, but obviously he seemed to have given up to act like the tough guy, he showed everybody at school; another proof of his intention to befriend with me and trust me.

"Hello you two." He greeted us, winked at me and took one of the cookies on the table."Mhhh, that's exactly what I needed now." And he took a bite, pleasure clearly on his face." How was school today? Anything interesting news?"

"Nah, it's just Forks High. What do you expect?" Alice shrugged.

He ate while Alice showed me some clothes and accessories in a magazine. I had to admit that though I was never really interested in fashion, Alice started to rub off on me. We discussed the latest trends and I pointed out which stuff I liked and which I wouldn't ever wear even if my life depended on it. Alice suggested that we should look out for some of the stuff when we went shopping with Rosalie.

"Ok, I'm ready. I just want to go quickly to my room, and then we can work in the dining room, alright?" Edward suggested.

I simply nodded and he went.

"You two seem to get along really well lately and I'm glad about it. You know, it is really frustrating to know that he is in fact a good guy, but having to watch him acting like a prick. So how do you feel about him?"Alice enquired,

"Well, I can see his effort and I appreciate it and I am starting to believe him. I'm still not entirely sure, if it will stay like this after enduring all his mood swings. Actually I forgive him faster than I am comfortable with, but it's out of my control; despite of all that happened, I seem to like him." I explained.

"My brother seems to have this affect, that's one of the reasons he is so popular. People just flock around him for no obvious reason. Sure, he is considered extraordinary good looking, but he seems to have something, that draws people to him. Unfortunately that doesn't always mean that those people around him want his well being or are interested in the person who he truly is." She was interrupted by her cell that rang. She picked it up and a huge smile formed on her lips when she apparently recognized it was Jasper.

After she finished the call she turned to me.

"He wants to go out today, you don't mind, do you?"

"Of course, I don't mind. We didn't have any plans for today and I have to work with Edward anyway, so just go ahead and have fun." I told her.

She hugged me in thanks- though I really didn't get why exactly she was thanking me- and went upstairs to primp for her date with her boyfriend.

I wasn't alone for long as Edward came down right after Alice disappeared.

We got all our things out and started working our stuff together.

In between we were only once disturbed by Alice who said "goodbye".

After three hours of hard work we decided to make a break and do the rest tomorrow.

"So, since Alice went out, I was wondering if you would like to go out eat out dinner with me. My treat as a part of my making up my mistakes to you…" He trailed off. He seemed really nervous about it.

At first I didn't know how to respond to it. This situation was very weird for me as I never went out to dine with a boy and it sounded just like a date, though I was quite sure, he wouldn't want to date me. He meant it in a platonic way and he still appeared to feel very guilty. The idea was tempting, Charlie wasn't at home anyway and I would get to know Edward a little better. On the other hand it was a little scary because it would be just the two of us, granted in public and with people around, but still only the two of us.

The clearing of a throat-Edward's throat- brought me out of my musings and I realized I had yet to give him an answer.

"Uh, ok." I said timidly.

"Great! We can go to my favorite diner in Port Angeles!"

_Port Angeles? Isn't that a bit for just for dinner? _I wondered, but I kept that thought to myself.

In no time we were on the highway and listened in silence to a CD in his car.

He drove over the speed limit, but I didn't want to say anything. If there was one thing I really hated than it was when people talked into my driving, so as I try to avoid setting double standards, I kept my mouth shut. He was lucky I wasn't one who became nauseous in cars; otherwise I might have thrown up because of his driving.

At least we got to the diner very quickly.

The diner looked nice and I had to admit that he picked well. Although it didn't look like a typical teenage place, it was clean and had an inviting atmosphere. Inside he led me to a booth and we sat down facing each other.

The middle aged waitress came up to us and took our drink orders.

"May I recommend something for you? They have the greatest chili burgers that I ever ate and the fries are good too."

"Sure, I love chili burgers…"

The atmosphere at our table was a little tense and I had no idea what to say or do to change it. So there was an awkward silence that was interrupted by the waitress who brought our drinks and Edward ordered both our food choices.

"Uh, you know your mom cooks really great." I just randomly said, as it was the first thing that crossed my mind to stop the silence.

God, I'm such a dork. Could I have come up with anything lamer than that?

He looked strangely at me, confused what to respond to this.

"Yeah, sure. We never have any reason to complain."

"That's great; my mom couldn't cook at all. She didn't like to cook unless she got to try some exotic recipe that always ended up being too hot, too sweet or salty. We often went out to eat and when I couldn't stand it anymore I started cooking myself and discovered that I enjoyed it very much. Of course I had some cooking accidents as well, but it mostly still was edible."

_Wow, now that was some word vomit! _I thought to myself and I talked untypically much.

He smiled at me, indicating that he either didn't think this conversation was totally lame or he just wanted to be or play nice.

"I remember your delicious muffins from the night at the library. I don't know any girl our age that can cook and bake. Mostly they are all too busy shopping for clothes, styling their hair and putting on so much make up that you don't recognize them anymore."

That nearly sounded like some kind of compliment but I wasn't so sure. Like I was never sure about anything when it came to Edward.

"Your mother sounds interesting and funny. Would you mind telling me some more about her? But I would understand completely if you don't want to talk about her, especially with me."

I looked at him thinking for a moment. I didn't like to talk about my mother, it hurt too much, but there was something, some pull in me that wanted to share my memories with him. I rarely acted out of my feelings, I was always more of a thinker; but my life changed so much and since I was here in this town, I have done a lot of things out of character for me and I gained some friends in return. Maybe I should try that out too.

"She was always a very happy person, a true optimist even in hard times. She loved to try out new things and she was very passionate about her job as photographer. She did portraits and all that stuff in a studio to pay our bills, but she also did art pictures. I love her pictures, she very clearly showed how she looked at things and she had a talent to see the good in things. True to her creative character, she didn't lead a much sorted life and I often found our home in chaos. She often forgot things. But I found away to balance that. She couldn't cook, I learned to cook; she forgot to pay the phone bill, I paid it every month. We were nothing like a normal family, but we had a lot of fun together. She was always there for me to listen to my problems and always encouraged me to overcome my shyness and insecurities. When I was sad she bought some ice cream and came up with a crazy idea to make me forget about it, like one time she took me to roller skate, I couldn't count how often I fell on my ass."

I laughed at that memory and he did too. At that moment the waitress brought us our food.

"Or she took me to the zoo. Oh and she loved to go sightseeing in Phoenix and act like tourists, although we've seen all of the sights and still it was a lot of fun."

We started eating while I told some anecdotes of my mother, the things she tried like a karate course where she dragged me along too or the painting course where she discovered that she should stick to photography. When we finished eating I was still talking and I retold the places where mother always wanted to go to.

"She planned a trip when she got sick. She hated hospitals and anything illness or doctor related, so she simply ignored the symptoms for a long time, not telling anybody she wasn't well. She was diagnosed with malignant pancreatic cancer and she fought against it. While she was at the hospital, I often stayed at our neighbor's. I spent as much time with her in the hospital as I could without neglecting school. She refused to inform Charlie, I wasn't even sure why, but I couldn't deny her any wish. After eight months it even looked as if she would win that fight, but new tumors generated and the second time the chemo therapy wasn't successful and she died a slow and painful death."

By the end I could barely see from the tears. I couldn't look up at Edward. I just revealed more about my mother and her illness than I ever did before to anyone. I haven't even talked about it with my father. I was ashamed of my sudden outburst of emotion. But suddenly I felt a warm hand taking mine and looked up to see Edward move to my side and pulling me into a hug. I didn't even think about the probable inappropriateness of the situation while I buried my head into his chest, draining his shirt with my tears while he stroked my head and tucked his chin above it.

I lost the track of time while being in his arms, letting him comfort me. I never would have expected that he would provide me so much comfort and although it hurt to talk about it, it felt good to get it off my chest.

When my tears have dried and I felt composed enough, I pulled away to look up into his face. He hasn't said a single word yet, but he had sensed what I needed at that moment. Anything he would have said would have caused an even bigger outburst and he knew exactly what to do.

"Are you ok?" He asked while wiped my tears away with his thumb and I nodded.

I realized how close we were, how close our faces were and I suddenly remembered my dream. Time seemed to stay still for that moment and it looked like he would indeed lean in closer.

Just before I closed my eyes, he pulled away and sat back to his previous position, but still holding one of my hands and rubbed it in a soothing way.

The waitress came in that moment to put out plates away and he stopped her and ordered ice cream what caused a small smile from me.

We didn't talk the rest of the time we were in the diner and ate our ice cream in silence. It wasn't really an awkward silence; it was just what we both needed to think.

When we exited the diner, he stopped short before we approached his car.

"I would like to show you something, do have a little time before I bring you home?"

"I think so, but we shouldn't go too late, my dad will worry…"

And so he drove back, just as fast as we came. We weren't far from his home when he took a turn and after a short while he stopped at a clearing in the woods. We got out of his car and he climbed on the hood. He offered me his hand for help and I climbed up as well. We leaned with our back on the windshield.

"This is my favorite place to relax; on nights like these you can see the stars and their constellations clearly." He said while he pointed towards the dark sky filled with stars as it was a clear night.

"It is beautiful." I said in awe.

He showed me some of the constellations that could be seen that night and told me about his fascination with stars and planets and about when his parents gave him a telescope for his birthday ninth birthday. It was just a hobby of his, but still a part from him that he didn't show a lot of people. Again, he managed to give me some comfort and distracted me from my outburst in the diner. He did just what I told him my mother did when I was sad. It was an incredibly nice gesture and from now on I wouldn't doubt his friendship anymore, because only a true friend could be so sensitive and comforting.

We didn't stay very long and he brought me home before Charlie was back from the reservation. I hugged him in thanks and as a goodbye, before I went into the house. No more words were needed that evening. I couldn't express verbally how thankful I was and so I tried to show him in the hug and in my smile and his smile showed me that he understood.

Charlie arrived home shortly after Edward left and I kissed him goodnight on the cheek before I went to bed.


	14. Chapter 14: Learn to say No

**Chapter 14****: Learn to say "No"**

**Hi my dear readers. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for this incredibly long delay, but I was so very busy with my assignment, which I passed by the way, and then I was at a convention, the biggest in Europe and my gran wasn't well and I needed to go to Hungary and to top it all I got a writer's block. I already know what will happen next chapter so, I will get it out quickly, I think. I promise I won't take that long anymore. I really hope you all understand and forgive me.**

**I thank you all if you are still with me and I hope you like this chapter. It was really not easy to get out of the writer's block, but towards the end of this chapter it flew again**

**Disclaimer: The characters used in this fic belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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The upcoming days went incredibly fast. On Sunday we managed to finish our assignment and we held our presentation right on Monday. Of course, he did the speaking and I gave out the papers and showed the pictures etc. Mr. Banner didn't mind, I think he was afraid I might have a break down from nervousness. Edward didn't mind either, he wasn't afraid at all to speak in front of people and he explained everything very well, even the very complicated parts…and I think he still felt bad about my break down.

Of course we got an A for everything and the hard work paid out. In more than one way. I was now friends with Edward Cullen.

He even seemed different around other people to. Not that uptight anymore. He didn't snap at people or talked down to them anymore. He still had an arrogant attitude around him at school, but he was friendlier. To me anyway.

It is strange how people can seem different once you got to know them. A proof that first impressions can be wrong.

We all had lunch together all week and we met at the Cullen's home for pizza and movies during the weekend.

Edward held his promise. He was a true friend, he kept everything we talked about in private to himself and he went out of his ways to keep me happy.

We would still talk hours after the couples of our clique went God knows where after we watched the movie. We had a lot in common and we also showed each other new things. I wasn't that happy ever since my mom died.

I just had one problem. Every time I saw Edward, every time he smiled at me or laughed, I felt my heart flutter. I had to admit that I was really falling in love with Edward and that just couldn't be; things were perfect, the way they were now, me falling in love with him complicated everything. I didn't know what to do. Obviously I wouldn't be able to tell him, I would rather get a panic attack first and die of the lack of oxygen. And how would he react? Would he start to hate me again? No, there was no way, I would tell him. I would just have to get through it and wait until those feelings would go away.

The thing was that sometimes when he looked at me, he had something in his eyes and a tiny voice in my head told me that the thing that was in his gaze at those moments was love or at least romantic affection. I silenced that voice as quickly as possible. Those kind of thoughts wouldn't get me anywhere. There was no way; he could be in love with me. And it wasn't like I was an expert at these things either. So I was sure, I just saw what I wanted to see. Sure, he was my friend and he quickly became some sort of best friend and we got along perfectly and had a lot in common and we enjoyed spending time with each other, but that didn't mean he had any romantic feelings for me. I had to stop interpreting more than friendship into his gaze…or his hug that lasted a little longer than necessary…

Anyway.

Being with him so often now I also noticed that he kept a secret from me.

He sometimes went outside or into another room to make a mysterious phone call.

Other times when his cell rang, he looked at the display then stole a small glance at me and didn't take the call.

There was clearly something that he wanted to keep from me. But I didn't want to ask him about it. I wanted him to tell me on his own. I was his friend too, he could trust me. I wondered why he kept something from me.

The others didn't seem to notice or they just didn't care.

Alice knew most probably whom he called; I quickly learned that they told each other everything. But I wouldn't ask Alice. I wouldn't go behind his back to get information; whatever his secret was, I wanted to know it from him. And Alice wouldn't tell me anyway. She was my friend, but like with his issues and the reasons he behaved so bad at first, she wouldn't tell anyone Edward's personal things.

It was not like he gave the feeling, he wouldn't trust me. He told me a lot of very personal things about himself and he seemed to trust me that I wouldn't tell anyone else. But that one thing; the phone calls, he would not tell me.

I concerned me a little to tell the truth, but I just didn't want to push him.

Apart from that I had nothing to worry about. In the contrary.

I did not just grow closer to my new friends, but to my dad too. We finally managed to get comfortable enough with each other to talk about my mom and that was a very difficult conversation. But it was necessary; I needed to tell him all about the last year and why we didn't inform him about her condition. I knew, he didn't blame me for it, that he knew my mother well enough to figure out that he made me promise not to call him and tell him she had cancer. It was a mutual necessity; I needed to tell him that for myself too. I felt guilty and he had a right to know all those things. Of course those talks involved a lot of tears, from Charlie too, which was weird, because I have never ever seen him cry; but in the end we both felt better and it was a healing experience.

All in all everything went very well for me, apart from the weird feelings for Edward. It all went too well for my liking, usually when things went too well, it was just the calm before the storm. Something was going to change, I felt it clearly.

But the next four weeks went by without any significant incident. Absolutely nothing changed, well except for the end of Edward's punishment that ended. He was free to do what he liked and go where he liked. So we all could do other things than doing movie nights at the Cullens which saddened me, because I really loved those nights. I was not a party girl, so I preferred those movie nights to parties and such.

Edward continued to go to the hospital though once a week. He felt like he would to something there that also really meant something for others and made a difference. I admired him tremendously for it and it proofed to me yet again that he was an extraordinary person. I wasn't allowed to talk to anybody about it though. He still was the stud and the cool and popular guy at school and had no intention to change that, so we- Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and me- weren't allowed to tell anything about when he did nice things.

We also continued to talk after the others were gone after the movies and it became my favorite part of the week. He even let me in his room, a privilege that even Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper didn't have. It became our routine to go to his room after the movie ended and the others went to be alone together.

His room was unusual tidy for a teenage boy, but not obsessively so. He had shelves full of books and CDs, several posters of hip bands and movies. Of course the room was huge, as was his bed. He also had a very comfy black leather couch and a small table where we usually ended up talked hours while listening to music from his iPod. He had a balcony that looked at the backyard of the house and an antique looking desk and chair where I guessed, he did school stuff on. The bathroom that adjoined his room was nearly as big as his room and he not only had a big shower, but also a huge bath tub and two sinks, though I wondered what he needed two for. In other words his room looked great and I loved every minute I could stay there with him.

Week to week, he showed me more of his stuff and told me the stories behind them. Like the first edition of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" that his grandfather gave him. Or the ukulele that his father bought him at a flea market when he was just five years old and how he pretended to play guitar with it and later how he taught himself to play it after he had guitar lessons. He was so cute when he told me all that stuff and I listened and hang on every word he said. It didn't matter to me anymore what he told me, I just loved to listen to his voice, watch his mimic and gestures.

He showed me the grand piano and played for me. I could have listened for hours and I was always sad when I had to go. He even played something on the ukulele and while singing.

I was so screwed, because obviously the flutter and all didn't go away with time, it only intensified and so did the little occurrences where I thought, he had those kinds of feelings for me too. And I of course still ignored it.

But I wondered that if he really had feelings for me and he felt attracted to me, then why wouldn't he do anything? He was the one who wasn't too freaking shy to talk in front of people he didn't know well or in front of a crowd. That was the one evidence that I must imagine those things. Edward wasn't the type to hide.

At school people finally got over my break down and I wasn't stared at anymore. Though they still stared when I was with Edward. During the last week I did not only grew closer to the Cullen clique, I also grew closer to the others like Mike, Jessica, Eric and of course Angela, whom I trusted nearly as much as Alice and Edward. I went with them to Port Angeles into the movie theatre, to La Push and to the local diner- I felt a little bad about it because I couldn't do those things with Edward during his punishment; the one time when I told him about my mother being an exception. But he told me to go and have fun as long as I would not ditch him at movie nights. _As if I would ever do that! _I thought and rolled mentally my eyes at him.

However Mike started acting really weird towards me this week. He began to talk about something like going to the movies and suddenly babble on and on until I didn't have a clue about what he actually wanted to tell me. I started to really take part in conversations with him, though I didn't have much word in those conversations, because he usually talked most of the time and he took it as encouragement to spend more time with me. He walked me to every class and tried to talk me into going on his table during lunch.

I didn't know how to say "no" nicely to anyone, I never could, so I spend more time with him although it started to make me feel uncomfortable.

I didn't cut my lunch time with the Cullen clique though. I was three times at their table during the week and twice at the table with the others.

But my inability to say "no" really got me into trouble today, Friday and the first weekend where Edward was free to go out.

Right after school I came to my truck seeing Mike leaning casually against it-in a way that was supposed to look cool, but truthfully liked a little too forced casual- grinning when he saw me approaching.

"Hey Bella!" He greeted me cheerfully.

I was a little confused why he was waiting for me, so I replied with a tight smile and a short "hi", eager to get into my car and just escape the situation.

"Look, I was waiting for you because I hoped, I could ask you something." He said and rubbed his neck; he looked nervous too.

"Uh, sure. You can ask me any question." I retorted, trying to be polite and nice, although I had a bad feeling about his question.

That seemed to encourage him and he didn't notice my discomfort at all.

"Well, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to a movie with me in Port Angeles and probably eat something afterwards. Uhm, I would pick you up and drive you home of course…"

OMG! This couldn't be happening! Was he seriously asking me out on a date?! Or did I just misunderstand this. But no matter in which perspective I looked at it, I ended coming to the conclusion that it was indeed a date. And I definitely didn't want to go on a date with Mike.

I liked him, of course. But I didn't like him that way.

Would it have been Edward the whole case would have looked very differently? But it wasn't Edward who asked me out, it was Mike.

How I hated myself for not being able to say "no" right now, but I just didn't know what else to tell him.

"Uh…Sure." But I tried to back paddle on the date part with.

"Friends go to movies all the time, right." I said with a small smile.

But he didn't seem to have heard me after I agreed. He just grinned and started to go to his car while telling me.

"Great! I'll pick you up at 4 pm."

Oh no, what did I get myself into. I stood a little while longer in front of my car, beating myself up over my stupidity, when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

"Bella. Hello, earth to Bella! Are you there?" An all too familiar voice called and I turned to see him standing in front of me.

"I called you like ten times and you didn't even turn…Why are you still here? You are usually away when I get to go home. Did you forget something?" He asked.

"No, not really. I was just deep in thoughts. Sorry for not saying anything…"

"It's okay. Today is finally my first day back in freedom and I wanted to ask you if you liked to go out with us, me and the others in the evening. We haven't figured out exactly what, I'm just happy to get out of the house and do something fun."

He looked really happy to be able to do as he pleased again and I hated that I had so that I had other plans…with Mike Newton.

I was such a moron! I would so much more want to spend time with him and the others and now I needed to go on a date with Mike and try to make it clear to him that I simply saw him as a friend and nothing more.

"Look, I would love to go, I am so happy for you, but I can't." I hoped, he could hear the regret in my voice.

He looked pretty disappointed now.

"Why? Do you have other plans?"

"Yeah…uh. I go with Mike to watch a movie and have dinner in Port Angeles. He just asked me and I sort of said yes." I said, cringing just thinking about it.

"What does "sort of yes" mean? If you are going then you clearly said "yes" there is no in between here." He looked pissed off and continued. "I didn't even know you liked him. I thought we told each other everything important…and I thought you would look forward to go out with me…I mean us the first weekend after my grounding and that you would keep this weekend clear…I guess, you didn't care so much then."

Oh, that was quite reproachful.

"I do care and I would so much more want to go out with you all, but now I have to keep my word. I'm so sorry. We can do that tomorrow, we will still have the rest of the weekend for it." I tried to comfort him.

"No, just forget it. If Mike is more important then you should spend the whole weekend with him. I just wished, you would have told me that you liked him, I thought you trusted me."

Did he try to guilt trip me?

"I trust you and I didn't keep from you that I liked Mike, because I don't like him that way."

"Then why are you going on a date with him? Am I really supposed to believe you don't like him? It is ok, you can tell me, and I'm your friend. You are free to date anyone you like. Although you're too good for Mike Newton, but well I guess you can't choose who like."

Now he started to piss me off. Why was he so persistent to believe I liked Mike and didn't tell him? It certainly wasn't me who was keeping secrets here, I gave him no reason to not believe me.

"I tell you again, I don't like Mike that way, I go out with him because I didn't know how to politely decline. Besides, I'm not the one between us two who has secrets. Or do you really believe that I haven't noticed that you keep something from me?"

"What is that supposed to mean? I don't know what you are talking about?" He snapped.

"Oh, so who is that person that you talk with frequently on the phone, but you never tell who it is?"

"That is none of your business and I don't hide anything. I just like to have my calls in private. You don't tell me whom you call either."

"Then why are you so secretive about the calls, Edward? It's the way you behave that makes it so weird. I'm not paranoid and I hoped you would tell me someday what the deal is with all those calls, but it looks like I you will never trust me fully."

"This is stupid. I don't want to have this conversation now. I will go home. Have fun on your date!"

With that he turned and went off towards his car and left me standing there.

I wanted to cry, I was so disappointed in him and I was mad at him too.

I went home, prepared dinner for Charlie that he could easily warm when he came home and left him a note saying I was out with a friend and wouldn't be home too late and that he could call me on my cell if he needed me home earlier.

I was still upset about my argument with Edward when Mike came to pick me up.

He babbled happily during the ride to Port Angeles not minding at all that I didn't say a word the whole time.

I found out that he picked a scary movie when we came to the movie theatre, probably hoping I would lean into him when I felt too scared.

He didn't know that I actually really liked scary movies and stories. My mom and I had endless movie nights watching them and I didn't get scared that easily. It was very ungirly of me not be scared, but I saw them as what they were, as movies; fiction that had nothing to do with reality. And after watching so many of them, I simply was used to it and rarely got scared anymore.

So we watched the movie. I managed to get seated quite in the front, so he wouldn't get any ideas. I saw him trying to put his arm around me a few times out of the corner of my eyes, but I ducked pretending to be scared every time, so he gave up after a few times. He looked also very disappointed that I didn't lean into him at the scary parts. But he wondered after the movie why I ducked at parts that weren't very scary, but didn't even react to the very scary parts.

He brought me to a fast food restaurant-_how classy, _I thought- and tried to make light conversation. I wasn't a very good company, all I had on my mind was Edward and trying to smoothly stop his attempts to hold my hand or touch me in any way. That was truly a date from hell. But I was in no place to complain as I brought this on myself.

I was very grateful when we finished eating- I rather crammed very ungracefully the food into my mouth. We rode back to Forks in silence and I hoped that Mike finally got it that I wasn't interested in dating him.

Well, I realized I was wrong about that when he came up to the front porch with me-although I bolted out of the car as fast as I possibly could- and leaned down to try to kiss me. I stopped him with my hand on his mouth and had no other choice than to explain it to him.

"Mike, I'm sorry. I only like you as a friend and I can't date you."

Don't ask me where I took the confidence to tell him that right into the face without stuttering, but the last weeks made me more confident and I just had to tell him the truth.

"But…you went on this date with me. Don't you want to at least try it." He pleaded with me.

God, could this get any more embarrassing?

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to decline without hurting your feelings. Well and I guess you could say after this date that I tried it. I really don't know how to apologize enough, but I really only like you as a friend and dating you would be wrong. Besides, I think I like someone else, even if that person doesn't like me back. See, I know quite well how you feel and that's why I have to tell you the truth."

I honestly hoped, I didn't hurt his feelings much and that he still wanted to be my friend.

"It is because of Cullen, isn't it? How can you like that jerk?"

"I'm sorry Mike, but I really don't want to discuss this with you. I thank you for the evening and I hope that we can still be friends."

"I guess. But don't be surprised if you get hurt by Cullen. Night."He snapped, went to his car and drove off.

I stood there a little surprised by his harshness towards the end, but it could have been worse. I sighed and wanted to go in, when I suddenly heard a voice and saw a dark figure approaching what nearly gave me a heart attack.

"That didn't look very good." Edward said as he stopped when he reached me.

"What do you want here, Edward? Are you stalking me now? If you don't want to be my friend anymore because you can't trust me then say so, I really don't know what I could possibly do to make you finally trust me."

I didn't want to end my friendship with him, but continuing this friendship without him trusting me would hurt me more in the end.

"No, I came to say sorry. It wasn't right how I reacted today in the parking lot and it wasn't right what I told you. I should have listened to what you were saying. But I was so disappointed that you didn't want to go out today and I was pissed off because you ditched us for a date with that douche bag Newton." He looked honestly sorry and he pleaded me with his eyes to forgive him.

"Believe me, I was just as disappointed to not being able to go as you. I know, I made some progress with my shyness, but it is still hard for me to tell people negative things or simply "no" to a request. And I got my punishment for it. This evening was pure torture. Do you know how hard it was to fight off his attempts to make a move on me?"

That made us both chuckle and the smile on his face made my heart immediately lighter.

"Well, actually. I saw how you stopped him from kissing you and how he went off." He said sheepishly.

"Of course you did." I rolled my eyes." You stalker.

So you believe me now that, I have no interest in dating Mike Newton?"

"Yes, I do. Although I should have believed you right away. But I was blinded by my anger. I'm so sorry for my overreaction. I guess, I still have to learn how to cool my temper, just like you on speaking your mind. Though you did that quite well in the parking lot, I'm impressed and proud of you." He winked at me and my heart nearly beat out of my chest and a huge grin stretched on my face.

"Thank you, " I said coyly.

"So…do you forgive me? Are we ok?"

I didn't miss that he avoided the subject of his phone calls, but he made a step towards me. He used his first evening in freedom to apologize. How could I not forgive him? I would give him more time to tell me his secrets. I trusted him that he would tell me when he was ready.

"Yes, Edward. We are ok."I answered.

He grinned now back and me and surprised me with a tight hug. It felt so good to be in his arms. He smelled so good, he was so warm. His cheek touched mine and he whispered "thank you" in my ear. The hug was long too and I knew right at that moment that I couldn't just stop being in love with him.

He pulled back a little so that he could look at my face. I didn't know how long he stared at me, but at some point his face came nearer and my heart beat faster than it beat even before.

Was he going to kiss me.

And when he was near enough that we breathed each other's breath, he pulled suddenly back and let me go.

"Uhm, we will see each other tomorrow then, right? We still spend Saturdays together, don't we?" He asked and put more and more distance between us.

At first I was too dumbstruck to answer straight away. But when I snapped out of it, I answered.

"Sure, I will be at your home tomorrow."

"Great, I will see you then! Have a good night, Bella!" And then he went back to the shadows where he came from.

Again, all I could do was stand at my front porch.

What was that? It looked like he was about to kiss me and then he just pulled back and went away.

I went back inside, greeted my father and kissed him good night.

An hour later I lay in bed and tried to sleep, but all I could think about was Edward.

After a while I was finally able to fall asleep, but guess who I dreamt of…


	15. Chapter 15: Surprise, Surprise

**Ok, I'm not going to tell any excuses, I will just apologize that this took so long again. I'm sorry, I'm really trying to update sooner.**

**I thank everyone who favourited this story or me, put me on alert and reviewed; you're awesome. Especially flame55 who reviews every chapter and who I forgot last time; thank you so much!**

**If you want to ask me questions, I'm on . But of course you can ask in a review or a message, too.**

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 15:**** Surprise, surprise**

Though I was still confused about anything regarding Edward, I pushed it effectively aside the next day. I got braver, more confident and more open here in Forks, but I wasn't ready to tell Edward about my feelings. I wasn't even ready to clearly define my feelings for him. We became friends and I began to feel more for him steadily and although I didn't know anything about romantic relationships or flirting, I was sure that Edward felt something more than friendship for me too. Whether it was just attraction or something deeper, I didn't know.

Anyhow, there wasn't anything I could do about it right now, so it was either up to Edward or I would have to wait until I got the courage to tell him about my feelings.

During the day I did some homework and some work around the house and of course laundry, before I got ready to go over to the Cullens'?

Charlie spontaneously went on a fishing trip including camping with Billy Black, of course only after asking Esme if I could sleep over.

When I got to the Cullens', only Alice was at home and I settled in her room where we shared her king sized bed.

Esme and Carlisle went to shop for dinner and get some DVDs from a list that Alice and Edward gave them. Alice didn't know where Edward was though and she didn't seem to care either.

Alice and I set the dinner table for later to have something to do and listen to music while doing it. So we danced through the room just having fun. I couldn't remember the last time being so free and careless, but I was probably before my mom got sick.

It looked like I finally got my life back, which made feel guilty, because I was happy without my mother. I wasn't supposed to be happy without her, was I?

I learned to be more self confident and that without her. I achieved what she always wanted for me and she wasn't there to witness it.

Again I pushed that negative thoughts away to enjoy the moment. I could probably talk about it later with Edward.

We finished setting the table when "Everywhere" by Common came on the iPod that was plugged into a station and we danced around the table without caring how silly we looked.

I turned and saw Edward leaning in the door smirking, his amusement about our dancing apparent.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked.

I felt a little embarrassed and surprised as I haven't heard him coming in.

"Uh, well we just set the table for dinner and uh…well, we just danced a little to the music." I answered stupidly, unsure what I should say.

"That I could see." He winked at me and now I blushed.

"Where were you?" I asked to change the topic of the conversation or rather stop him from teasing me.

"Oh, I just", he paused,"I was over at Jazzes' watching sports."

Huh? Was he nervous?

"Weird", said Alice whom I forgot for a moment."I could swear that Jazz hates watching sports." She had a knowing smile on her face, apparently proud that she caught him lying.

"Yeah, well I watched some sports and we just talked…

Where are mom and dad? Aren't they home yet from shopping?" Now he obviously tried to change the topic.

Alice was gracious enough to drop it and so we settled into the living room waiting for Esme and Carlisle to come home. We played some video games- namely they played, I just watched because I wasn't good at these games and I didn't enjoy them either.

When Carlisle and Esme came back, I went into the kitchen to help Esme with cooking which went unnoticed by Alice and Edward who were engaged to beat each other at some shooting-each-other-dead-game.

At first Esme wanted to shoo me away but I convinced her that I would rather enjoy helping her and talk a little than watch those to argue over ridiculous video games.

Saturday was our fun and casual day, so we made things like pizza, hamburger and other fast food. Today we made Tacos.

Esme was very pleasant to talk to. On one side you could talk to her like to a friend, about girl stuff and cooking; on the other side she was a mother figure, someone you could look up to and who you felt you could talk to about your problems. So we made the Tacos and talked about cooking and baking and exchanged our favorite recipes.

It didn't take long to make them and soon we all sat at the table ate the delicious -if I may say so myself- food.

Not long after dinner the rest of our gang showed up and we all started watching the movies Esme and Carlisle rented for us.

I discovered that Edward and I were at new level of intimacy.

We sat together in the loveseat and during the movie we scooted slowly towards one another, so that in the end I leaned my head on his shoulder while he had his arm around me. In a way it felt natural and weird at the same time. I didn't do it consciously and I didn't know if he did it consciously, but I just knew that he moved too that our current position resulted from us both moving.

Oh and how good it felt! He was warm and cozy and smelled so good, like freshly washed clothes and cinnamon and something that was just him! I felt like in a cocoon, just wrapped up in him.

Of course, I couldn't pay any attention to the movies anymore. But I couldn't look at him either. I didn't dare to look and see what he might be thinking. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that he looked at the screen most of the time, but at times he would glance at me for a little while.

After the movies as it was our habit the two couples went to have some time for them. They didn't say anything about Edward and I being all snuggled up on the loveseat.

But after the others went it got a little awkward sitting there like that, so we went upstairs to his room like we used to on Saturdays. He told me he had a new CD and wanted to show me; which he did once we were in his room. So we sat down on his couch-not so close like downstairs- and started to chat while the CD played in his player.

"So, what did you do before you came here?" I asked, being in a playful mood and just deadly curious about what he tried to hide.

"I was at Jaspers'…I told you already…"He said without hesitation.

"Yeah, but did you really do?"

"Are you implying that I lied?"

"No, I just think you are trying to hide something."

"Ok, I wasn't really at Jaspers', well at least not all the time; I stopped by there on my way home. But I won't tell you what I did…" Now he grinned at me devilishly.

My curiosity only grew, but I knew him well enough that he wouldn't tell me if I asked him further. His smile though told me that it was a positive thing and that he would tell me soon.

"So, you look deeply in thought all day. Is there something up? Do you want to talk?" Now he got serious and I realized that although he seemed very engaged in the game with Alice and focused on his family during dinner and watching the movie, he still looked out for me.

"First you didn't see me the whole day technically and second, yes. There is something going on my mind." And I told him about me being happy and growing as a person, overcome my extreme shyness and all this without my mother there. I told him everything that was going through my mind that day, except of course my feelings for him and his possible feelings for me.

"I understand you feel that way. I couldn't even imagine losing any of my parents and for you at that time your mother was your parents. I had my parents always there and although it doesn't sound cool for a teenager, I talk to my parents about the most important things in my life and I share it with them. When I put myself in your shoes I would feel the same. But you don't need to feel guilty for being happy without her and you don't need to feel guilty for being mad at her for being gone." He told me in a calm and gentle voice.

"But I didn't say I am mad at her for being gone or being guilty for feeling that way."

"But I know you feel that way. You try to hide it and you try to push it away, to deny that you're angry, but you are. And it is ok to feel that way. Parents are supposed to be with us, to guide us and protect us and she isn't here anymore to do that."

"It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault…" I whispered through silent tears.

He came nearer and took me in his arms and his mouth was right at my ear when he spoke.

"No, it wasn't her fault. But you're only human and you have feelings and it is ok if you have these feelings. Just don't lock them away in yourself. Talk about it, I don't judge. We don't judge and your dad won't judge. Talk to us and you will feel better."

I leaned into him and let him comfort me and he rocked us a little to calm me down, because I sobbed now uncontrollably.

"Why…why are you helping me? How do…do you do this? How do you know...know me so well? What I need?"

"You are important to me and I want you to be happy. And I know you so well because I'm a very good observer and although you won't believe me when I say this; I can be sensitive if I want to." The last part made me smile a little.

We stayed like that on his couch until my sobs died down and I calmed down from my little emotional breakdown. After a while I pulled back a little and looked up to him. He had a tender smile on his face and looked right into my eyes.

"I have an idea to cheer you up." He said, stood up and took my hand.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"Well, you seemed so happy when you danced so I thought a little dance might be just right."He grinned sheepishly, changed the currently playing song to "Sway" by The Perishers. Then h pulled me by the hand to him and started to move.

"But I didn't dance then, I can't really dance" (_at least I don't think so,_ I added in my head)"I just goofed around." I argued.

"Shhhhh, stop arguing with me now and you do really good by the way. And you moved well in the dining room too."

We swayed in his room to the song and to me it almost felt like magic. From one moment to another he just took my sadness away and created a perfect moment. It was like in "The little mermaid" when Sebastian helped to get Ariel her kiss in the boat, everything built up to the perfect moment when they nearly kiss before they were interrupted.

But we weren't in a movie and we had that moment and I knew that if he wouldn't kiss me now, he would never do it.

We danced cheek on cheek and he pulled away a little to look at me; he put a finger under my chin for me to look up at him and then his face came closer and closer until I felt his lips on mine. It was soft and tentative. He flooded all of my senses. I felt him, smelled him and I could almost taste him. He took my top lip between his lips and I kissed him back. I didn't know how, I just reacted instinctively.

When the kiss ended-after what felt like time had stopped- I looked up in his eyes and saw happiness and he had a big dreamy smile on his face. I could only imagine what I looked like…

We were in our own world at that moment and I felt like in heaven. With the kiss, he confirmed he had feelings for me too and I just had my first kiss!

That's when the door opened and a gorgeous blonde girl just came right into his room. I was so surprised that I stepped back a little from Edward.

"Surprise, surprise Edward!"She had a very cheerful face and without even acknowledging me latch at Edward and gave him a quick kiss.

He looked as surprised as me and didn't move at all or say a word.

"Hello, don't you want to welcome your girlfriend?" She waved in front of his face and pulled back a little.

"Uh, Christina. What are you doing here?"Edward asked.

"Never mind! I know you didn't expect to see me here at all, but I have great news! I will move here!"She bounced on her heels and looked expectantly at Edward, who still seemed just in shock.

And me, I felt like I was watching a movie. Like I wasn't even there. It was like a car accident and I just stood at the sideline and watched.

But after a minute of silence she finally noticed me.

"Oh, sorry. Who are you?"

I felt numb and stood just there, unable to do anything.

"Edward, who is this?" She inquired.

"Oh, that is Bella a friend of mine and Alice. She was new at our school and now she belongs to our clique. Uh, you know all the others are couples, so when the go to have some alone time we hang out." Now he seemed snapped out of it and tried to do some damage control.

"That's great! How nice to meet you Bella! I'm Christina, Edward's girlfriend. But I guess, he told you about me." She pushed her hand in front of me to shake it.

At first I just stared at it and then I shook it as an automatic response. Then I just ran out of the room. I was in a stupor and I didn't see or feel anything, so that when I arrived home in my truck, I couldn't remember how I got there. I couldn't remember taking my stuff out of Alice's room, leaving the Cullen's house or get in or drive my truck.

I took my sleepover bag and went inside. When I shut the door, I leaned against it and cried.

I couldn't process what just happened, that after all I found out that he lied to me all the time. After what looked like one of the best things that happened to me so far, after my perfect first kiss, everything broke down.

Now I felt like I lost the chance of a romantic relationship, but also one of the best friends I could ever have.

When I calmed down enough to be able to stand up, I went upstairs to my bedroom and went to bed, without even changing into my pajamas or taking my shoes off.

I cried myself to sleep and it didn't even take that long that I fell asleep.

I was awoken by a banging on the door. It was not at my bedroom door what I realized after taking in my surroundings. I rubbed my face and tried to decide if I should get out of bed to look who was banging on the police chief's door in the middle of the night. In the end I found myself going down the stairs to the door.

While going down, I realized that whoever was at the door also shouted my name. I was still very sleepy and couldn't think straight. I tried to shake all the sleepiness from myself on my way down.

I stood in front of the door and listened.

"Come on Bella, please! Please, open the door so at least I know you're ok!"Came through the door.

Yeah, right. The thing that happened at Edward's home…Of course it was Edward at the door and although the last thing I wanted to do was to open the door, I still did. I didn't know what I would say or if I could even speak, but he was at my door in the middle of the night and begging me to open.

When I opened the door he stood in the doorway, worry and concern apparent on his face. Again all I could do at that moment was standing there and stare at him.

"Thank God! Can I come in?"

I didn't respond but moved aside to let him in.

He went straight to the kitchen and sat down at the table his head hung low.

I followed but didn't sit down.

"Look, I am incredibly sorry. It wasn't supposed to go that way."He began, but I cut him off.

"You lied to me! You said, you had trust issues and you lied to me all the time." I whispered the tears trailing down my face again.

"I know, I…I wanted to tell. No, I wanted to make things clear with Christina…Oh God, I just screwed up big time and I'm sorry."

He held his head between his hands and turned his head to me to look at me through his hands.

"And what was with the kiss? Why did you kiss me when you have a girlfriend?" I demanded.

"I don't know. I am so confused…"

"But what did that kiss mean to you?" In my head I added, _did it have a deeper meaning or did you just let your hormones get control of yourself? _But I was too afraid to ask him these questions, to ask about his feelings toward me.

He stayed silent.

"And what about Christina?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything right now"

"Then why are you here? Then why you just don't leave me the hell alone?" I was so angry at him and I felt so hurt and I just wanted to know what was going on.

"I am here because you are important to me and you just ran out of my house and you looked like a zombie. I was worried."

"Oh no. If you would care about me so much, you wouldn't have lied to me. If I were that important to you, you would have followed me right away. And now, please go. I can't see you right now."

"Bella, please. I'm sorry. We are friends. I don't want to lose you."

"That might be too late. Go. Get out." I told him very calm.

He stood up and dragged his feet to the door, but he stayed in the doorway.

"Bella, please. Tell me, we are going to be ok."He pleaded.

I looked him deep in the eye and shook my head side to side.

"I can't."

"Bella! Edward! What is going on?" Alice shouted and ran to my door.

I turned to Edward.

"Edward please just go. If you want it to be okay one day, you have to go."

And he finally went with his head hung low.

Alice went inside.

"Ok, now that you're not going to sleep at our place, I will sleep here. You should sleep alone in this house and I was looking forward to a sleep over, even if it was planned differently."

She explained and with Alice, you don't argue, because you will lose.

So she went outside to her car to get her stuff in and we went upstairs and got ready to go to bed.

My bed wasn't as big as hers, but it was enough for us.

When we laid in bed, I started to tell her what happened after they went-leaving the details of our conversation before our dance and kiss out.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. I thought he told you about Christina. I thought he broke up with her."

"Alice, could you tell me about it so that I can at least understand how he could hide a girlfriend from me?"I asked her, because I just wanted to understand how all that could happen.

"Well, Christina lived here when we were kids and weren't moving around the country. So we know her for a very long time. They were pretty close friends so they stayed in touch while we moved every one or two years from one place to another. When we moved back they got together, but her parents moved to Seattle shortly after we moved back, so they had sort of a distant relationship. He usually went to Seattle to visit her every weekend. Ever since you came to town he went less frequently and since you became friends he didn't go at all. So, I thought they split up or rather that he ended it. But apparently he didn't and if I understood correctly her parents move back, so she will come back to our school too."

I took a moment to process all, but now his phone calls made sense. I was right that he kept something from me, but I never would have imagined that it would be that bad. I didn't know what to believe anymore when it came to Edward. I thought he might have deeper feelings for me too, but he hurt me really bad. But the worst was that he lied to me the whole time.

"Ok, now I understand more. Thank you Alice."

"I feel partly responsible. I should have paid more attention. I didn't know you had feelings for him, I would have made sure that he wasn't with her anymore. I would have told you, warned you.

I don't know what's going on with him, but I know that I have never seen him being the way his is with you with anybody else.

I know you don't want to hear it right now, but I know for a fact that he cares a lot about you.

He is a jerk and an idiot and he hurt you, but I know that he didn't want to hurt you on purpose. He is stupid, so very stupid, but he is a good guy."

"Alice?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think he is going to do now? ...About Christina, I mean."

"I don't know, but he cares for her too. I don't think he is really in love with her- he might think or have thought that- but I think he cares for her mostly as a friend and his hormones were in the way too. But she is a very old friend and he cares about her a lot too.

So, I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. But I hope that you two will be ok. I know it will take time and he again has a lot to make up to you…"

We both went silent for a few minutes.

"Bella?"

"Yeah."

"I also hope that you two will be ok, because I hope you will come together in the end.

I don't know about his feelings, but I know him and I know he could fall very deeply on love with you. And I hope he does, you two are great together."

I couldn't say anything to that either. A lot has happened and the future of Edward's and my relationship-no matter if platonic or romantic- was uncertain.

Eventually we fell asleep and thankfully I didn't dream that night and was able to get some rest.


	16. Chapter 16: After the storm

**Sorry for the long wait again. But the good news is, that I have a roughly outline for the last chapters, so hopefully I will update faster.**

**I also have finally a beta, my lovely friend Verena aka Visforvampire87, so I thank her for betaing. I beta her story as well and if you like True Blood, you should take a look at her story "Actually Undead".**

**A big thank you for you all who read, favorite and review and special thanks to my ever loyal reviewer flame55.**

**I highly recommend to listen to "Let Go" by Ingrid Michaelson, as had this song a lot in mind while writing this story and I think, it fits in this chapter the best. And I also recommend "The nicest thing" by Kate Nash.**

**Disclaimer: The Characters and things twilight related belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**Chapter 16: After the storm**

The next day, a Sunday, we mainly relaxed. I didn't want talk about Edward or even think about him at all. Thankfully I was always good at repressing and Alice simply went with what I wanted. She told me non-verbally that she was there for me, if I needed to talk to her about it, but that she would leave me alone about that subject if I wished to.

We watched movies and cooked- well, I cooked, Alice watched- read silly magazines and gossiped a little about our classmates. To be precise, Alice told me all the gossip she knew about our classmates.

Alice stayed for dinner too, which Charlie was happy about, too when he came back and we had a nice meal with lots of talk and laughter. Charlie really seemed to like her and I think he was glad that he could have a little part of that aspect of my life as well. Most teenagers are ashamed of their parents at my age and don't want their friends to spend time with them. I just was glad to have a really good friend like Alice and as a lot of things weren't really normal about me, I didn't mind that Charlie got along with my friends, I welcomed it even.

The day ended too soon and Alice went home after giving me a comforting hug and words of encouragement for the day tomorrow.

I had no idea how Edward would behave after this weekend at school. Or how he would behave with Christina around. I was very nervous about tomorrow. Even more nervous than on my first day at Forks High.

Sleep didn't come easily and I couldn't get into a deep sleep either. I tossed and turned a lot. The only good thing about that was that I didn't have nightmares.

Monday morning I felt so much dread in my stomach that I couldn't eat one bite of breakfast, but I drank as much coffee as I had time to which only made me more restless than I already was and a little hyper, but not in a good way. I tapped my foot and drummed my fingers. My hands were shaking when I didn't put them somewhere.

I took as much time driving to school as was possible without being late. I just made it in time before the teacher came in my first lesson and I was happy that I had no time to be greeted by anybody and being asked about my weekend.

I was completely out of it the whole time, so that I didn't even realize all the whispers around me about the new girl that was shown around by Edward Cullen. Angela made me aware of that when she asked me if I knew the girl that Edward obviously was already acquainted with despite her being new at this school, while we walked down the halls to one of our lessons.

Although I knew that was to happen, that this was real, it still hurt when it really happened. I knew better than to think that it all was a bad dream and that everything would be normal when I came to school, but a part of me had still hoped that would be the case. Now not even the smallest part of me could hope that this wasn't happening. I've lost Edward when I was finally more than grateful to have him in my life. It all was so sudden and he didn't even tell me goodbye or gave me any explanation about what was going on.

Just when I thought I might take my friendship with Edward to the next level and that I would finally by a somewhat normal teenager everything shattered.

He had his girlfriend back that he hid from me and he didn't need me anymore. I felt used and greatly disappointed. I should have been mad at him and I was, but mostly I felt so hurt. And confused. I didn't even know what to think of him anymore. Was everything in the past few weeks an act? Or was he just so erratic that he could easily move forward from me back to Christina? Was this all planned to make me hurt and he was the jerk he was in the beginning?

I didn't know what was real anymore. And he didn't do anything to make me at least understand what is happening.

Alice tried to defend her brother in a way that all of this wasn't as bad as it looked like. That he didn't hurt me intentionally, but I wouldn't count on that anymore.

If that was the case, he could have tried to catch me in the halls, we usually saw I each other shortly in the halls every day, and talk to me. But I haven't seen him which only meant for me that he tried to avoid me.

I - on the other hand - tried to avoid Alice. I didn't want to hear her defend her brother in any way – she disapproved most of his actions, but he was her brother after all- and I didn't want her try to drag me to our table with the other during lunch. I wasn't sure if Edward intended to sit with us during lunch, but I didn't want to sit there and face the others, with or without him at the table. I had a hard time talking to Alice about it which we hadn't done since Saturday, but I didn't want Rosalie, Emmett or Jasper to ask or comment or look at me with pity.

In fact, I had no desire to eat in the lunch room at all. So I decided to go to the library during lunch break.

My other friends tried to have conversations with me all day, but I didn't feel like talking and soon they gave up, some of them understanding, some of them a little irritated.

Angela let go of her question about Edward and Christina after just looking at my face when I reacted to her question. She simply invited me over to her house in the afternoon promising not to push me to talk about it if I didn't want to.

I was so grateful for her. Besides Alice and before last weekend Edward she was one of the most important people in my new life. I would never forget how understanding she was after my mother's funeral.

Avoiding Alice was a little hard since we had some classes together, but I managed to come late enough – just like at the first lesson in the morning- to come late enough to let no time to talk before the teacher started his lesson and I bolted out of the room as soon as class was over.

My lonely lunch break in the library wasn't bad, I just had to push the memories of the night Edward and I spent here out of my mind.

But going to biology felt like going to an execution of some sorts. Ok, that was a little overdramatic, but my dread grew increasingly. I didn't know how to face him or to be around him if we would have to do anything together as lab partners. He was avoiding me now after all and being forced to sit together at one table even if only during one lecture where we most likely weren't able to talk.

I would love to confront him and demand answers, but when he was avoiding me, he would only go on the defensive if I would force him to talk to me and that wouldn't give me my answers either.

I was nearly late when I entered the class room just to discover that he wasn't there.

And he didn't come later either.

As much as I dreaded seeing him before, it hurt more that he went such lengths to avoid me.

I wanted to cry everything out so much, but I didn't want to do it at school in front of everybody.

The rest of the school day went by me in a daze. I didn't focus on anything and I didn't respond to anybody who talked to me.

When school was over and I went to my truck, Alice was there leaning against it.

"You weren't at our lunch table." she said.

At first I didn't say anything to her, I just stared. It wasn't out of nervousness or shyness like at the beginning when I came here. I didn't want to talk, the silence felt comforting.

Right at that moment I felt like nothing really good came out of losing some of my shyness. I opened up und now I was hurting really bad. Of course, if I looked at it logically, I would know that those thoughts were ridiculous as I made other really great friends. But right at that moment I was emotional and illogical.

"You know you can still eat at our table. The others missed you. They wouldn't say anything. They know what happened and they aren't happy with Edward either. But you should let that bring you down and you shouldn't let that deter you from eating lunch with us and spend time with us. Then you would lose more than just Edward, but you might lose us too. Not that we don't understand or don't want you. But if you don't come to our lunch table or our house because you don't want to see Edward, it will be hard to do anything together. We don't want to lose you…"

Alice paused for a moment.

"Just think about it. I understand if you need time and we will give that you. You can talk to us, it makes it easier. Ok, I will go now. I'll see you around."

With that she stood up and made her way to the other end of the parking lot where Jasper was waiting for her.

"Alice!" I called after her and she stopped and turned around to look at me.

"I will think about it and I think I might come back to the lunch table in a few days. It is just really hard to take in and I'm still confused about everything. I don't want to lose any of you. "

"Ok. I will tell the others. See you." And she went.

At first I went home and I prepared a casserole that I would only have to put into the oven in the evening and then I left a message for Charlie that I was at Angela's and would be back for dinner.

The afternoon at Angela's was a nice and welcome change to all the time I spent at the Cullen's the week before. Of course, I've been out with Angela and the others in those weeks too, but not as often as I was with Edward and the others. She didn't push me to tell her about my problems and I got a needed break from all the stuff Edward.

I spent most of the time at Angela's the week after. I still ate my lunch in the library and Edward didn't show up at biology.

Saturday I had plans to go to the movies with Angela, Eric, Jessica and Mike.

Saturday noon Charlie asked me if I could take Billy's son Jacob with me that night. Jacob had some trouble with his girlfriend, Leah, and needed a night away with other people.

I wasn't too sure if that was a good idea, but I called the others and asked if they were ok with it and they were.

So Jacob showed up on our doorstep in the afternoon two hours before the others wanted to pick me up. We took two cars and because my truck was the oldest and most beaten up we took Mike's and Eric's cars.

Jake -as he said I should call him- came purposely earlier to get to know me better and talk about childhood memories. I could hardly remember the times I played with him as a kid when I visited Charlie, but he remembered quite a lot.

I had to admit I really liked him. He was easy to talk to. But he talked a lot about his girlfriend. It was obvious that he really was in love with her and that their fight bothered him very much.

The others came on time and we headed to Port Angeles.

We decided to watch some action movie and Jake and I waited in the lobby for the others who bought snacks and drinks for the movie.

Jake was in the middle in telling me a funny story about his two goofy friends from the reservation when Edward and Christina stepped into the lobby, he arm draped around her shoulder.

He stopped in front of us looking as shocked to see me as I'm sure I looked.

"Oh, isn't that your friend Bella?" Christina exclaimed. "It's nice to see you again. I haven't seen you at school this week at all. I hope you were not sick or anything." She continued turning to me.

I was shell shocked and took some time to be able to respond. She seemed genuinely nice and concerned about me. I began to understand why he liked her so much.

"Uh, no. I'm good; I guess we just missed each other. Uh, hi Edward."

That was quite a tense and awkward situation and I had no idea how he would react.

He seemed to have caught himself out of his shock, too and looked stiffly at me and Jacob.

"Hi Bella." He looked from me to Jacob and back.

"Oh, this is Jacob Black. Our fathers are best friends and we've known each other since we're very small. Jake, this is Edward who goes to the same school with me and the others and his _girlfriend _Christina who just moved back here in this area." I introduced them.

There was an awkward silence while Edward glowered at Jacob and when I couldn't take it anymore I pulled Jacob by the hand while I told Edward and Christina over my shoulder.

"Ok, we need to move the others are waiting for us and the movie will start soon. Have a good time, bye."

I only heard Christina call after me cheerily. "Have fun you two, bye."

Jake thankfully didn't ask any questions about that encounter and we settled into our seats and watched the movie.

An hour into the movie I went out to pee and when I came out of the restroom, Edward stood in front of me. He looked strangely unsure of himself, a state I haven't seen him in since the debacle at school that he caused.

"Hi." He began and then paused, looking at me. A few minutes went by and he didn't say anything.

"Not good enough" I said and tried to move past him.

But he stepped in my way.

"Wait. Bella, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

"That sounds strangely familiar to me and it's still not good enough."

Again I tried to move past him but he caught my wrist. I glared at him and then at his hand that was holding mine and he let go.

"Please, just hear me out." He pleaded with me.

"Why should I? You had plenty of time before Christina showed up and after too."

I didn't know where I took the strength to stand up for me like that, but I was so upset and angry with him that my shyness was completely forgotten.

"I know, but please believe me that I never meant to hurt you. Not with Christina or anything else."

"But you did. You lied to me and I thought we trusted each other. And you avoided me; you didn't even try to explain yourself. Now you run into me and suddenly you want to apologize. It doesn't work like that."

"Who is that Jacob guy?" He suddenly asked in a hard tone.

"Is that what this is about? I can't believe you! If I had been here alone or just with the others you wouldn't have even tried to talk to me, would you?" I was enraged and never had a stronger urge to hit someone-namely him- than at that moment.

"Yes, I would have. I just didn't know how to approach you. Pleaser answer, who is he?"

"And now you lie to me. I don't believe that. Not that is any of your business, but he is a childhood friend who had a fight with his girlfriend and my dad asked me to take him with me today. Now let me go!" I demanded and moved past him.

"And come back to biology class. You shouldn't risk your school record just to avoid me. I won't bother or talk to you, I promise." I added and stormed away back into the movie theatre and into my seat.

I was fuming. He was unbelievable! I couldn't even comprehend what a jerk he was. Instead of explaining things to me, he is rather nosy and jealous.

I didn't want to let him spoil my whole evening, so I tried to push my anger down and concentrate on the movie.

The movie wasn't even bad for an action movie and I managed to still have some fun watching it.

After the movie we went to a diner and ate some burgers with milkshakes and talked about the movie.

Jake whined a little more about his girlfriend and I tried to give him some advice to deal with it and make up with her. Not that I was a relationship expert, far from it. But I am very observant and I was always pretty good in giving advice to others in spite of being messed up myself.

Jake was nice enough to sit in the front seat on our way back so that I could tell Angela about the confrontation with Edward. I was able to let out some steam and she just listened to my tirades.

Back at home, Jake went home with his father who watched some sports with Charlie after he said goodbye and thanked me for my advice and taking him with me.

Although it was quite late, I called Alice and told her, too about my running into her brother.

She got mad at him as well and wondered to what lengths his stupidity would go.

When I hung up the phone, I felt so much better and was finally able to calm completely down. I was very exhausted at that point too, so I went to bed right after.

The next day Alice visited and we spent the whole day together again like the week before. This time we talked about Edward – or rather I talked about him while she listened to my ranting.

Monday when I went to school I felt stronger and I was determined to not let Edward in my way or between me and my friends.

So, I was far more sociable than the last week and during lunch break I went straight to the table where Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper already sat. They a looked happy to see me again and told me so.

I immediately saw Edward when he stepped into the lunch room. He looked miserable. I have never seen him like that. His hair hung lifelessly into his eyes - usually it stuck out wildly in all directions – he had purple rings under his eyes, his skin looked unhealthy pale and he just looked sad.

I should probably have thought that he got what he deserved, but I felt sorry for him at that moment. After all, I still liked him. No, I was still in love with him. Everything that has happened hadn't changed that. I was still mad, but I let a lot of that anger go in that moment.

I wondered if he already looked like that on Saturday and I hadn't noticed because I was so angry at him.

I hadn't forgiven him and I hadn't forgotten, but I decided to let go. To just accept that he was with Christina and not with me. I wasn't ready to forgive or try to be friends again, but I would try to make being with him in one room tolerable and be polite, so that we could all do something together again. That would be best for me too.

So when he finally looked up at our table and saw me, I gave him a small nod that should show him that he could sit down with us.

He sat down, but he didn't talk much. I didn't either and neither of us spoke to each other, but while we talked with the other the tension on the table slowly dissolved.

We didn't go together to biology; I made sure to go the bathrooms so that I could go alone. He came to the lesson just like I asked him to on Saturday.

Luckily, we didn't have to talk to each other during the lesson, because Mr. Banner made us write down his lecture 'til the very end of the lesson.

The rest of the day went quiet and peaceful. At home I did some chores and I felt so much lighter compared to the last week that I was certain that my decision to let go was the right one.


	17. Chapter 17: My heart is yours

**A/N:**

**Hello dear readers. I really was able to update quicker and I'M so happy about this update.**

**Thank you all so much for put me on favorites, alerts, reading and reviewing. A special thanks to flame55 who writes a review every chapter.**

**A very big thank you to my lovely beta and friend Visforvampire, Verena who puts up with my horrible typos and tense confusion and who improves my chapters**

**Song for the end of the chapter: "Tonight"-Lykke Li**

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**Chapter 17: My heart is yours**

The next few days went by pretty much the same like Monday. I went to have lunch with the Cullen clique and was polite but reserved towards Edward, who still looked miserable.

The weird thing though was that I hadn't seen Christina with him since Saturday at all. Alice told me that they sat at their lunch table last week and that Christina came by at their house, but Alice hasn't seen her the last few days either.

Angela told me later that she saw Christina at another table with some of our class mates.

Christina was still the focus of gossip and it just then came to me that it was weird that nobody seemed to know her although she lived here before as Alice told me. That was when they started the relationship.

I decided to ask Alice on Thursday afternoon when I visited her at home. Edward was nowhere in sight and I wasn't even sure if he was at home.

We were in the kitchen and baked some cookies that she wanted to give Jasper and as she was a total mess in the kitchen she asked me to help her.

"So, I wondered why the people at Forks High don't seem to know Christina although you told me she lived here before. Wouldn't they remember her? She wasn't away that long and in this small town they should remember her." I asked her while I mixed the ingredients in a bowl.

"Oh, that's because she didn't go to school here. Her parents sent her to a private school in Port Angeles and in her free time she usually hung out with us or with Edward, so she didn't have that much contact with anybody here. Before she moved away she rather kept to herself. She had us as her friends and Edward and she felt like that was all she needed. She didn't try to make friends here in Forks beside us. As far as I know she has some friends in Port Angeles, too. But now she seems to have opened up and she was quite popular at her school in Seattle. She didn't take long to make more friends here." Alice explained while she started the oven.

"I can imagine. She seems really nice even in the brief encounters I had with her. I understand why Edward likes her." As much as would like to hate her, I simply couldn't. It wasn't her fault, I felt betrayed, she didn't know about me either. Honestly, there wouldn't have been anything to tell about me anyway. Edward and I were friends and we haven't been involved romantically except for that one kiss.

"She is a nice person, but we have never been very close. It seems like she turned her back a little at us when she and Edward started dating. You are more part of our clique than her although we know her for a very long time. She was always the closest to Edward. I think she goes to Forks High only because of him. She could have gone back to her former school in Port Angeles, but she didn't. "

"But since Saturday something is off. It's not only that Christina hasn't been here or at our lunch table since then. Edward behaves weird, too. What I would give to have a glimpse in his head."

_Oh Alice! Believe me, me too!_ I thought to myself.

But I couldn't comment on that at all. I was probably the last person who understood him right now.

We dropped that subject after that and made the cookies.

I didn't stay for dinner although Esme offered. I didn't want to have dinner with Edward and his family when things were so complicated between us and I surely didn't want his parents to ask us about our odd behavior. Usually we would talk a lot during dinner and banter. But as things were, I sure as hell would not joke with him.

So when I left the Cullen's home, I hadn't seen Edward at all.

Back home, I made potatoes and steak for Charlie and me while Charlie watched some sports in the living room.

While we ate dinner, Charlie asked me -like he usually did- about my day. I answered him and told him briefly about my day avoiding to mention Edward at all costs although he was still the main thing on my mind. After a long silence Charlie sighed.

"Bella, what is up with you? You seem so sad the past two weeks. I hoped you would come and talk to me when something's bothering you and I waited, but if you don't bring it up yourself I will have to ask you. Did something happen?" He reached out to my hand over the table and looked with concerned eyes up to mine.

I was a little shocked that he noticed that I felt sad. I guessed I didn't hide it as well as I thought I did. If I was honest with myself I felt heartbroken about the situation with Edward. But I pushed all those thoughts and feelings away as good as I was able in order to keep it together. Still, no matter how hard I tried to push it all away, it affected me greatly. I felt solemn and somber most of the time and tried to keep myself busy.

Now that I knew even Charlie noticed – a proof that he was far more observant that I gave him credit for – I couldn't push it all away anymore.

It still didn't mean that I wanted to talk to Charlie about it.

We grew really close over the past months and he really tried hard to make my mother's loss as painless as possible. But right now I wanted my mother.

I was a girl, we are supposed to talk about boys with our mothers and I felt like I needed her more than ever which made me miss her more than ever.

With all that shooting through my head, I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I broke down a little right in front of Charlie.

It was just minutes later that I became aware of my surroundings again, the sobs that ripped through my body too hard to control.

The first thing that I realized was that I was enveloped by two strong arms and the rocking back and forth that intended to be comforting.

I buried my head in Charlie's shoulder and let all the hurt, disappointment and heartbreak out that I suppressed too long. He caressed my back and shushed me, murmuring low "it's oks" and "it's going to be alrights" until my sobbing stopped completely.

I was embarrassed and a little mortified that I lost it like that and also that I had to explain everything now.

I stayed silent for a while, my sniffles the only sound in the kitchen and prepared to just tell Charlie about the whole incident with Edward.

When I felt strong enough, I took a step back and looked up to Charlie. I sat down again at the table and motioned for him silently to do the same.

Then I told him everything. Everything except the fact that Edward caused my break down at school which he surely wouldn't take lightly and probably cause more drama than there already were. I told him about getting closer to Edward and becoming friends, that I felt more accepted und understood by him than by anybody else, that Edward did a lot to cheer me up and put me at ease and that I fell in love with him in the end - which made Charlie obviously uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything- and that in the moment that I wanted to reveal my feelings to Edward - I didn't want to tell him about the kiss, which technically was a form of showing my feelings – his secret girlfriend showed up and announced that she moved back to Forks, that Edward hadn't attempted to talk to me about it for a week and that he became jealous and accusing when we talked again for the first time.

Charlie didn't show a lot of emotion while I laid it all out and when I came to the end he was mute and looked thoughtfully at the table.

"That's quite some trouble you have there." He said after what seemed like an eternity. "My first impulse is to wring that boy's neck that hurt my daughter so much. But I guess that wouldn't solve the problems." He looked uneasy at me and rubbed his neck.

"I have never been good at emotional stuff, not even with your mother. It is new to me to have a teenage girl in the house and to be honest; I don't know how to help you. And I would do anything to take any pain away, but I don't know an advice that would make it all better or do some girl stuff with eating ice cream and watching chick flicks. The only thing I can offer you and that offer stands for any situation is that I will always be here for you and you can always talk to me as awkward as that might be sometimes. I'm sorry, I don't have more to offer."

His word made me cry again, because although he wasn't mom, he gave me the feeling that I could always rely on him and I haven't had that feeling in a long time.

I rushed to him and hugged him tight.

"Oh dad, that is all I need. Thank you so much, I'm so glad I have you!" I cried and he patted me on my back.

"There's probably one more thing I can do. I could give him some speeding tickets and stuff, I know his car."

That made me laugh and took some heaviness of the atmosphere.

"I think that won't be necessary, but thanks anyways." I laughed.

The rest of the evening went well and I felt a little better when I went to bed.

Although I felt like I missed my mom the most right now - as I knew she would know what to do about the situation and how to cheer me up with "girl stuff" like Charlie put it – I felt more secure and more at home than I have felt since Renee's sickness. Charlie took care of me and he would do so in the future, too. I knew now that I could go to him with any kind of problem no matter how big it was and that security made me feel safe and altogether better. I also wouldn't need to pretend to be happier than I really was. It made me also realize that I should probably talk about it with another women or girl. But I wasn't sure who.

Alice was his sister and I didn't feel good complaining about him brother in front of her, although she clearly disapproved of his behavior.

I had talked about it a little with Angela, but I held back because I didn't want to think about the whole thing too much and I didn't want let it get to me. If spoke about those things and my feelings for Edward it would mean I had to acknowledge that Edward broke my heart and my trust and destroyed our friendship. But if I wanted to move on I would have to do just that as hard as it was. I would have to let it all out, deal with it and move on. I still wanted some answers though and there was only one person who could give me those.

It took again a long time to be able to fall asleep with all the thoughts swirling in my head, but eventually I calmed down enough to do so.

I dreamt about going into a movie theater with Edward and I told him about my feelings. He took a knife and stabbed me in the heart.

I awoke from that dream in the middle of the night with cold sweat on my forehead. It took me a while to fall asleep again and that time I couldn't remember of dreaming about anything.

The next day I went to school visibly groggy. I drank as much coffee in the morning as possible which made me feel on edge, but at least it helped not falling asleep during the lessons. It didn't help much paying attention to the lectures so I had no clue what we did in any of my lessons.

At lunch I nearly fell with my face in my lunch tray because the coffee has worn off, so I went to one of the vendors and bought some coke for my caffeine refill.

I didn't catch a lot of the conversation at our lunch table until Alice poked me in the ribs to get my attention.

"Bella! I asked you something!"

"Oh, sorry. I'm really tired, I haven't slept well…What was it that you wanted to know?"

"I asked you if you liked to come by in the evening for a girl's movie night. Watching some chick flicks, eating popcorn and ice cream, ordering pizza and stuff. Just you and me. Rose and Emmett have a date, so it would be just the two of us…"

"Uh. And Jasper?" I asked but I looked at Edward who looked purposely away but it was obvious he listened. Just then I realized that something was different about him today. He still looked a little disheveled, but his posture wasn't slumped anymore. He looked determined, but he didn't want to look at me.

"Oh, don't worry about him, he can entertain himself. So, what do you say?"

I felt suspicious; something was clearly off, but I found no reason to say no. She said it would be only her and me which also meant no Edward and that was the most important. I wasn't ready to even try to be friends with him again and I would probably never be again. I simply didn't want him around. He better stayed away from me.

"Alright, Alice. I will come by, but I should take a nap after school so I will come around six or seven if it's okay with you." I let out a huge yawn and took another sip of my coke.

"That's perfect! I let the door open for you, so you can just come in when you're there."

Again I had a nagging feeling that something about her was off, but I was too tired to investigate further so I let it go.

I spent the rest of the time at school trying to stay awake which was harder now, but at least I didn't have a lot of lessons left.

During bio Edward nudged me every time I nearly fell asleep which was attentive and nice thing to do, but also annoyed me to no end. He had no business helping me anymore. So I just glared at him every time he did it, but he still continued until the end of the lesson.

In gym I got the ball in my face on more than one occasion because I was too tired to concentrate on the game of volleyball we played. Needless to say that my team lost because of me.

I barely made it at home, but I had enough will to stay awake while driving to get home safely. Thank God Forks was so small and didn't have that much traffic. I had to admit that it was a bit risky, but I didn't want to ask anybody to drive me home and I didn't want to leave my truck in the parking lot.

At home I went straight to bed and fell asleep immediately.

It was half past six when I woke up and I went downstairs to find Charlie in the recliner watching a game of football with a beer in his hand and a carton of pizza in front of him.

"Oh sorry dad. I wanted to cook, but I didn't sleep well and my nap took longer than I anticipated." I apologized.

"Don't worry, I don't expect of you to cook for me every evening. Before you came here nobody ever cooked for me and I was perfectly fine." He winked at me.

"Dad, is it ok if I go to the Cullen's? Alice invited me over for a girl's night. I might sleep over too if it is okay with you?" We didn't discuss to sleep over, but I wanted to be prepared as it was a little late already and I often slept over spontaneously at the Cullen's before.

"No problem, I would rather like you to sleep over than driving around late at night. I think this girl's night might be exactly what you need. So go and have fun. I love you."

He was so sweet. Another sign of how close we've gotten. I kissed his cheek and went to my room to pack my stuff.

Ten minutes later I was on my way to Alice's.

When I arrived the house was darker than usual. Only a few lights were on which was odd because the Cullen's home used to have nearly all the lights on in the house.

I went to the front door and walked in as the door was open just like Alice said.

I took my shoes and my coat off and left my bag in the hallway to put it to Alice's room later.

The only light came from the dining room and the house was eerily quiet as if nobody were home.

In the dining room I found the room illuminated by candles and a set table for two.

"Alice?" I called out. I was wondering what was going on. All of this was rather looking like a date than a girl's night in front of the TV.

Just then the door to the kitchen opened and in came none other than Edward bringing in a casserole in his hands.

"Oh, you're finally here. Right on time." He said as if everything was ok between us and we planned this together.

"What is going on? Where is Alice? Where are your parents?" I asked confused.

"There's no one here except us, I asked them to go out and I asked Alice to invite you over because I knew you wouldn't come if I asked you myself." He put the casserole down.

"What?! Are you insane? If I wanted to spend time with you, I wouldn't have avoided you, you know." I nearly yelled. I felt cornered and I was mad at Alice that she brought me into this situation.

"Please calm down. I know you are upset and you have every right to. I'm sorry I had to surprise you like this, but I really need to tell you a few things. I planned this to have a calm atmosphere and the least I could do was to give you a nice dinner. I know I can't ask you for anything after all I have done, but I beg you to stay and listen. I promise to leave you alone after that if you wish, but I really have to tell you the whole truth, the reason behind everything, everything I should have told you in the beginning." He pleaded.

I was very tempted to just go and leave him there with his dinner and his big speech, he would have deserved it. But I just couldn't. I was one of those pathetic girls who still had feelings for a jerk even after he hurt them time and time again. If I looked past all the anger and hurt I also had to admit that I knew that he wasn't a bad person per se. But I wouldn't tell him that.

"Fine." I huffed. "Tell me what you want to tell me and then you will let me go and don't pull anything like this again." I warned.

"Good. Just let's eat first before the food gets cold and we calm down." He motioned for the table.

I sighed and went to the chair at the end of the table. He went to pull the chair out for me, but I stopped him. He should not think this is some kind of date thing although it looked like it with all the decoration and the candle light.

He looked eager to please, putting the food on my plate and getting me something to drink, but it was obvious that he was very nervous.

We ate in silence and I had to admit that the food was delicious. I wondered if he made it himself, but I wasn't up to make light conversation.

"I made it myself," he explained as if he had read my thoughts. "My mom helped and instructed me, though."

I nodded because I didn't know how else to respond.

He bought the plates and the leftovers into the kitchen after we finished and came back asking if I wanted desert.

"No, let's just cut to the point. Tell me what was so important that you persuaded Alice to lie to me and lure me here." I wasn't very friendly, but I didn't have any reason to be.

"Ok," he sat down and took a deep breath.

"I don't even know exactly where to begin, but I think the most important thing I have to tell you is that I'm in love with you."

I was shocked to put it mildly. But he continued and he started pacing through the room and all his pacing made me agitated and I couldn't sit still so I stood up too and watched him.

* * *

**( part is all Edward's speech)**

"I have been from the very moment is saw you for the first time. I don't know how to explain it, because I don't understand it myself. I have never believed in love at first sight, but I guess now I can't deny that it exists. And because I didn't believe in it and because I didn't want to believe it happened to me, I tried to push it away. That was why I got so easily and highly annoyed when I talked to you and you didn't say a word."

"It's easier to push people away than let them in and that was always what I did. You were a stranger and although my heart told me I could trust you, my head told me I shouldn't. I shouldn't make myself so vulnerable to a stranger."

"Then there was Christina who I thought I was in love with and a person who I owe so much. I couldn't betray her for a stranger and I couldn't break up with her just because of girl that was new at school and didn't even talk to me."

"I tried to fight my feelings and my urge to get to know you and to be near you and I let all the frustration because of my inner battle and the confusion out on you."

"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that you had to suffer just because I didn't want to acknowledge my feelings for you."

"But then I got to know you and I hurt you again in an error and a misunderstanding and I'm in awe that you accepted my apology then and were willing to be friends with me. I still feel ashamed that I put up all those flyers at school and used your greatest weakness and fear against you."

"The time after that was the best time of my life. Really getting to know you and gaining your trust and spending time with you was more than I deserved. My heart was right about you. You are a strong and amazing person and I fell even more in love."

"But again I was conflicted. I knew I should have broken up with Christina and that I should have told you about her, but I was afraid you wouldn't want to have to do anything with me and I felt so guilty because although we didn't have a physical relationship I betrayed Christina emotionally. "

"The day Christina showed up, I honestly wanted to tell you and break up with her, but she surprised me and I was overstrained with the situation. "

"Never in my life has anything felt as right as that kiss I shared with you."

"But I felt obligated to be loyal to Christina especially after she moved back and went to Forks High just because of me. I was paralyzed and didn't know what to do and I thought I could never make up to you what I have done, so I didn't do anything. That was one of the most stupid things that I did."

"I should have come clean right away after Christina showed up, because no matter how much I fucked up you deserved to know the truth."

* * *

I was completely stunned. All of that was a lot to take in. But it explained a lot, I understood his reasons behind his behavior now. Of course, it didn't excuse the way he dealt with his feelings. He did most of it to protect himself and hurt me and Christina in the process.

"What about Christina? Does she know all this?" I demanded to know.

"Yes, now she knows everything. She realized that something was wrong but she asked me when I came back distressed from my encounter in the cinema lobby last week. She wanted the truth and I confessed everything.

We broke up, because she made me understand that my staying with her out of loyalty wasn't fair and she didn't want to be with me if I was in love with someone else.

Of course she is mad at me. I should have known that she would have understood if I had told her in the beginning. When it comes down to it we always were good friends and I nearly ruined it with my lies. She doesn't talk to me right now, needs time to think.

She told me she had feelings for me and I feel worse because after acknowledging my feelings for you I thought she misinterpreted the care and the love as a friend plus hormones as romantic love like me.

I've hurt two amazing girls with this and I am lucky she still doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I will give her the time she needs and I really hope we can be friends again one day.

She will probably transfer to her old school in Port Angeles, though."

Poor Christina, I guess she knows best how I feel at the moment.

"And what about us? What do we do now?" I asked him.

He finally stopped pacing and went up to where I stood. He let only one step in between us, took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes.

"I have no right to ask you for forgiveness and I wouldn't deserve it, but if you feel just a fraction of the love I feel for you, I beg you to try. I know you must feel something, I felt it when we kissed. You're so much better than me, I made big mistakes and I will probably make mistakes in the future, but believe me when I promise you that I will do anything in my power to make it up to you, to make you happy and myself worthy of you."

I gazed into his beautiful deep green eyes and I felt my tears run down my face, because I felt like my heart broke and warmed at the same time.

Oh and how I loved him despite his stupidity. But could I really forgive him and that fast?

There was so much I had to think about and to let to sink in.

But I didn't want to make the same mistake he did and let my head and my fears rule over my heart. Because my heart told me to forgive him.

So I did the bravest thing I thought I ever did; I kissed him and put all the passion and love in it that had. He kissed me back with just as much fervor. He put one hand on my waist and pressed me up closer to his body while he buried his other hand into my hair. I cupped his face with one of my hands and wrapped the other around his neck.

We kissed until we both had to come up for breath and I leaned my head in his chest, my ear right where his heart beat furiously, just like mine. He put his other hand to my waist and hugged me to him.

We stood like that for a little while and he rocked us softly from side to side.

I was the first to break the silence.

"It doesn't mean that everything is ok, though. I need time to think and process all. But I don't want to lose you either, neither as a friend nor as whatever we are now or could possibly be."

He buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath.

"I understand and I am just grateful that you want to try. Just know that no matter what you decide, I'm here and I want you and love you."

I pulled back a little looked up into his eyes, I found nothing but love and sincerity in them. I sighed, because I didn't want to leave his arms, but had to.

So I pulled away and we both went to his door.

When I was ready to go, we went to my truck and we hugged and I gave him a kiss goodbye on the cheek. I sat down into the seat and told him I would call the next day or the day after. He shut my door and I went home.

The outcome of that evening was so much different than what I have anticipated, but also so much better.

At home I went to bed with the feeling that everything would get better from now on.


	18. Chapter 18 : New Beginnings

**Chapter 18: A new beginning**

**My dear readers my biggest apologies for this very late update. I swear I was überbusy. But there is only one chapter left and an epilogue. I will try to get them out asap, but I will go for a week to England next week and I will have to write a very important exam, so I can't promise anything. But I will try to get the last chapter out by next weekend and as I know exactly what it will be about I might make it.**

**I also wanted to let you know that I started working on a oneshot that I will put up as soon as it is ready, so if you are curious put me on alert. **

**And when I'm finished with both I'm planning on a new story which will most probably be M rated though. **

**And I will probably put up some chapters with Edwards POV of this story if you are interested or probably even the whole story in his POV if you like. Write it in a review or PM me so I know how many are interested in that.**

**A very special thanks to my dear and lovely friend and beta visforvampire. **

**Thank you to my most loyal reviewer flame55.**

**Disclaimer: The characters and places used in this story belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

I had the best night's sleep that night. Although all Edward said was a lot to take in, it simply made me happy. He had hurt me so much and it wasn't easy to forgive that. I understood the reasons behind his behavior, but the way he dealt with all of it caused me pain that could have been avoided if he weren't so impulsive. But all of that didn't change that I was in love with him, too and I believed that he was genuine about everything he said. I needed time to forgive and trust him completely, but I was sure that I would give him a chance to make it right. But I really planned to make him work for it. So, instead of calling him or going over I cleaned the house and made some laundry while Charlie did some work in the garden.

In the afternoon the phone rang and when I picked up there first was a pause.

"Bella? It's Edward. I know I wanted to give you time to process everything, but I missed you and I couldn't sit still 'til I knew you were ok…that we were ok." It was Edward and the pause at the beginning and his tone made it clear he was nervous. It was really cute and made my heart flutter. I was really hoping he would call today and that he did strengthen me in my decision to forgive him.

"Edward, hey." I couldn't stop the smile that broke out on my face. "It's ok. I'm ok. After sleeping over it, things are more clearly to me now."

"Well…So what have you decided?" His voice trembled slightly, maybe out of fear I would say no. But I had no intention to reject him.

"Edward, I wanna try. I want to forgive and trust you. I have feelings for you and I don't want to pass up on the chance of being with you."

_Not after all we've been through anyway. _I added in my head.

I didn't want to make it harder for him so I told him straight away.

There was a long pause at the other end of the phone and although I should have known better, my old insecurities got the best of me and I got nervous that he might have made up his mind.

"Bella, I don't even know how to tell you how relieved and happy I am to hear that. Not that I would have given up had you decided otherwise." The sincerity behind his words even poured despite the distance through the phone and my heart fluttered at his words.

It got a little awkward at this moment as it was rather a moment you kissed after that kind of declarations.

We agreed upon taking it slow, so we didn't meet that day.

Next day at school, he waited for me in the parking lot and took my hand shyly and walked me to my class. That he did after every class that day and the day after and the whole week.

That week I ate dinner at his house on Thursday, but except from longing glances and reassuring smile we didn't exchange any kisses or anything alike. Later he said he wanted to take me on a real date the next day.

So he knocked on our door on Friday and I was happy Charlie was at Billy's for watching a baseball game and having dinner. I wanted to give us some time before I told Charlie the new development. I saw Edward through the window fidget and righted out his clothes that were perfectly tidy. It made me smile that he was just as nervous as I was and it showed me that he truly did care for this to work out. He even had some wildflowers that he gave me with that adorable half smile of his.

He first took me to a charming little French restaurant in Port Angeles and later he took me to his favorite place to stargaze. He took out a blanket where we laid on.

We held hands and he showed me some constellations that he liked particularly. We moved closer and closer to each other so that in the end I leaned my head on his arm that was draped around my shoulders while he held my hand. We tilted our heads and out of instinct and without anything or overthinking our lips met in the sweetest kiss imaginable. The kiss was quite innocent in the beginning and got firmer as time moved on till he licked over my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to welcome his tongue in my mouth. Without realizing doing it my hands grabbed at the hair at the nape of his neck and feeling his hands holding my head, his fingers stroking my cheeks. We made out like this for a while until the urge to roam our hands got too strong and we both stopped, agreeing on it being too fast to go further. But we both grinned widely at each other clearly showing that we felt like the luckiest people on earth.

When he drove me home, Charlie's cruiser was already at my house, so we needed to hurry up, so Charlie wouldn't get suspicious. But it was hard to break our goodnight's kiss once we started it and eventually I could put some distance between us. We promised to see each other the next day and I walked with a heavy heart to my front door. Unbelievable that I already missed his lips on mine, his warmth on my skin or simply his comforting presence. Surprisingly, we fell very easily into being with each other or dating or whatever. He told me, he still felt bad about how he were in the beginning and how much he regretted all the mistakes he made, but I assured him that to my only the present was important and that I didn't want to dwell on the hurtful past. If I learned something out of my mother's tragic death, it was that. I was happy with him and everything else simply didn't matter.

But now, I needed to talk to Charlie about Edward. I didn't want to lie to him not even by omission. So when I saw him sitting at the kitchen table eating the dinner I cooked him, it was a now or never situation.

"Hi dad," I greeted him as I sat down beside him.

"Hi Bells. Where you over at the Cullen's' again? "He asked.

"Not really, but I was with a Cullen." I started attentively.

That got his attention and he looked curiously at me wanting me to continue.

"You remember how I told you about the situation with Edward?"

At that he frowned probably guessing was about to come next.

"The situation dramatically changed. He ended his previous relationship with that girl and asked me for forgiveness," I hesitated. "And he told me he was in love with me."

He didn't react at all and seemed to take all the information in.

"I know that the way he handled things was wrong and he is genuinely sorry. He was confused and reacted impulsively to his feelings, but I believe him that he didn't actually want to hurt me like that. And the truth is that I'm in love with him, too. My feelings are strong enough to give it a try. We are dating and we were on a date tonight."

He still didn't react for the next five minutes, but he wasn't too happy about it I can tell.

"Bells, I can't tell that I like it, but I'm willing to trust your judgment. I just want you to be careful and don't put yourself right into that relationship."

I was so happy that I nearly jumped at his neck in a hug.

"Wait, wait! This isn't all. I will have some ground rules. You will have a curfew and I want to meet him personally. You should invite him to dinner and we will see about the rest. You might trust him, but I don't and if he will hurt you ever again, I will know how to make a body disappear without any traces, tell him that."

"Da-ad!" I warned him.

I wasn't so sure if he was kidding or not, but I appreciated the sentiment behind it.

We stayed up a little longer and I told him the whole story. It was a little weird to talk to him about everything instead of mom, but he did the best job although he was thrown in this situation too. I was surprised though that he was so understanding and not overtly strict.

The next day, while Charlie was in La Push again, Edward came over again to fetch me to go on a pick nick. We went to the place where we used to go stargazing and it was just as nice during the day, though not quite as deserted as some people that were hiking or simply going for a walk passed by. Not that we realized a lot outside of our own little world.

Edward admitted sheepishly that he had a little feminine help in form of his mom with packing and preparing the pick nick bag. I knew- though that the fact that all my favorite foods were packed was because Edward knew me so well.

I told him of my talk with Charlie and although he gulped when I mentioned the rather frightening comment of my dad, he was happy that all in all it went well. My dad would have been able to make it so much harder for us by not allowing me to see Edward, especially after I told him how much heartache Edward caused for me. Edward knew very well how lucky we got with my dad. His parents were happy for us and asked me to have dinner with the family every Thursday. We probably would also go back to meeting Friday evenings with the others like we used to. Edward and I only would be officially dating. Alice and Jasper were very happy for us, too. by the way. Alice even announced that now we were officially sisters, which caused me imagining me in a white dress in a church and Edward waiting at the altar for me. It was a stupid little fantasy that I allowed myself to indulge in before coming back to reality where it was far too soon to be thinking about marriage, we weren't even together that long.

Rosalie said that I should have let Edward suffer for a while before forgiving him and Emmett told me that I should tell him if Edward hurt me again and he would beat him up.

But on one thing they were all agreeing, that they already knew that we would end up together one way or other, sooner or later. They hoped that it would happen with less drama and heartache, though.

We just laid on our blanket talked and made out the rest of the day until it got dark and Edward drove me home early to get into Charlie's good graces.

Over the next weeks we fell gradually into a strong relationship. We rebuilt-or mostly I rebuilt- trust, we went on dates and spend as much time together as possible, alone or in a group. We talked about everything that had happened and made our peace with it. The dinner with Charlie was tense, but nothing bad happened. Charlie tried to intimidate Edward as much as possible-which he accomplished by the way- and threatened to hurt him if he ever hurt his little daughter again. So it was frightening for Edward and embarrassing for me.

Edward still felt bad about the past I could tell.

We were together for six weeks when he got a little weird. He became secretive and wanted some time alone. I got worried, but Alice did her best to distract me and busy me with shopping, going to see movies, having girl's night and other stuff most of the time. So Alice seemed to know what was up and that should have calmed me down, but it didn't.

After a week of this I was so on end that I started to pick up fights with Edward about the most ridiculous things, if we were even together.

The last fight was the worst and I saw in his eyes that he knew what this was all about and that he wanted to tell me badly what he has been up to. He promised me to tell me the next day and that it wasn't something bad. I still was convinced and who could blame me after all that happened.

The next day was a Sunday and I was woke up early by Alice who put me in the shower, did my hair and some light make up and told me what to wear.

Edward came to pick us up with a blindfold for me.

We drove for only about ten to fifteen minutes when he stopped, opened my car door and led me to wherever we were headed to.

We were somewhere inside when he stepped behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"I know I made you worry the last week and I'm sorry for that but it needed to be done in order to surprise you. I planned this for so long, even before we came together and I really hope you will like it." He said close to my ear.

He hugged my back shortly and pulled my blindfold down.

I needed a few seconds to adjust my sight.

I didn't recognize the place we were, but it looked like a bigger hall made into a gallery. My mother's photos hung everywhere like in an exhibition. I gaped when I saw all the familiar pictures, I would have recognized my mother's work anywhere.

"Oh my God, Edward! How did you do this?" I asked in awe.

Although my mother started to have success with her works it was too late for her to be able to have an exhibition. So it was my mother's first exhibition. I couldn't figure out where Edward got all of the pictures from. They were clearly from different periods and they had different themes and motives.

"I had some help from your dad with the pictures that were in storage and from my mom with some of the pictures that were on the art market. She helped me to sort through them and how to order them into this exhibition to show every facet of her works. I organized and hired this hall in the community center and I made sure to have an article written about the exhibition in some local newspapers and even in Seattle so that people know about it. And Alice of course helped to distract you. Is it ok? Do you like it? Or should I blow it off? If you don't feel comfortable with it you just have to say a word and I will stop everything." He explained.

"No, no. This is wonderful, you are wonderful. I love it and I'm sure my mom would love it too. Oh Edward, I can't even begin to tell you how touched I am." I began to tear up and he pulled me into his strong arms and I buried my face into his chest. He stroked my back and my hair while I tried to get a grip on my emotions.

"I'm so glad you like it. I was worried it might be too much for you and that it would make you too sad. I also have something that I wanted you to see before we show it openly at the exhibition. It's a little private and that's why I want you to decide if you want that people see it or not."

He led me into one of the corners where a part of the exhibition was covered up. He pulled the cloths off and there was a huge portrait of me, one of those that were in that art magazine and around were some other black and white pictures of me and of us two together.

"I will remove these pictures from the exhibition if you want. I know you freaked out when you discovered they were in a magazine, but you were also surprised then and I used them to embarrass you-which I am still so ashamed of-, so I wanted to give the chance on deciding if you're ok with it. They are the best pictures in the whole exhibition and your mom wanted them in a magazine, so they belong to her work although they are private too. But as you are in the pictures, it is up to you."

I felt a little overwhelmed. Although I overcame a lot of my shyness and anxiety about being the center of attention, I wasn't really happy with the thought of such a big photo of me in an exhibition. So I tried to think of a compromise.

"It looks great and you are right that it belongs to her work, but to be honest, I am not really comfortable of hanging there for the world to see. You don't have to remove all of these photos but you want you to remove the big portrait and some of the bigger shots of me." I was sorry to let this big part of her work being removed, even though I didn't let every piece being removed, but only the thought of letting the big portrait of me there, myself exposed like that, made me nauseous.

"Ok, anything you want. This is all for you." He pulled me into another hug and kissed me sweetly and gently on the lips. I hugged him back hard trying to convey how much I appreciated this gesture and how much I loved him.

"The exhibition starts in the afternoon and -depending on the interest will- be here for four weeks or more. You have now time to look through it alone or with me if you like and then I have a nice little lunch prepared for us. After lunch your father will come by and I will leave you two alone to explore more of it together."

He was incredible and amazing. I couldn't comprehend how I deserved all of this. It paid out that I gave him another chance. He wasn't perfect, he made mistakes, but he did everything to make it up to me.

"I love you, Edward." I couldn't hold it in anymore.

It was the first time I told him although I felt it even before he told me. At first I was just plainly careful and didn't trust him fully and I also wasn't ready to tell him. Later I wanted to tell him but I didn't know how and I saw that it hurt him that I still hadn't told him back that I loved him. Now I just couldn't not tell him.

"I love you too, Bella. Very much." And he hugged me even tighter.

The rest of the day was great though emotional for me and my dad.

After this he seemed to like Edward much better and I could tell that he was grateful for this as well. He hadn't seen that much of my mother's work, only the very early works where she still tried to find her place.

Esme was so nice to open the exhibition for the public with a great speech about my mother's life and work.

A lot of people came to the opening and seemed very interested. Some of them even wanted to buy some of the photos.

My dad and I decided to look through them to decide which ones we wanted to keep and which we wanted to sell.

Later my dad allowed Edward and me to go out and have another dinner date although tomorrow was a school day.

We rather grabbed some take out and went to our favorite place to stargaze and make out.

Our physical relationship progressed very slowly. I was completely inexperienced while Edward had experience from his previous relationships. In six weeks we covered only second base which was slow compared to our classmates for example. It also wasn't for Edward trying to progress, but I often stopped him to go further. He was patient and never tried to put pressure or push me when I said no. It also wasn't because I didn't want him, because I wanted him so badly. He made me feel so good with his kisses and roaming hands. But I felt insecure, because of my inexperience and because I still felt shy around him. I also didn't feel ready to go very far.

Edward was very understanding and didn't let me feel bad about it for even a second. He always said that he just wanted to be with me in any way I felt comfortable.

Today I waited longer before I told him to stop. He was massaging my breasts over my shirt while nipping and kissing my neck.

We both breathed heavy and panted a little before our breathing returned to normal.

The rest of the night we alternated between light and deep kisses before he drove home.

The reception of the exhibition was very good. So even that good that more newspapers wrote about it. The art magazine that published my portrait also published a new article about my mom and the exhibition.

We also sold a lot of photos, some from the exhibition and some that were still in storage. Esme helped us put a folder together with the photos in storage that we were willing to sell and she helped with the press and buyers too.

Very soon we had enough money for me to go to a good college without having to rely on a scholarship.

The exhibition went two months longer than we first planned due to the big interest.

We sold all the pictures from the exhibition that we didn't want to keep and one third of the photos in storage.

Edward and I went back to spending most of the time together and our relationship was stronger than ever. The lack of progress in our physical relationship started to take a toll on us, though. It was as if I had some sort of blockade in my head that made me stop Edward as soon as he started to push my shirt upwards or sneaked his hands under my shirt.

There was another problem that didn't go away completely. My panic attacks, though getting increasingly less, made still an occurrence. I was lucky when Edward was near, because he was able to calm me easily and fast. They came very sudden every time a lot of attention was on me. When I was in the lunch room for example and stumbled and everything that was on my tray went flying everywhere and of course the whole lunch room stared at me. The attacks weren't as strong as the one when Edward put up all the posters of the magazine cover, I didn't slip away, I was still aware of my surroundings, but I had no control on my breathing, my heart rate sped up and I couldn't focus clearly. At the lunch room incident Edward was instantly behind me, whispering in my ear to breathe in and out while having his arms around my torso and breathing with me.

Some people started gossiping and whispering behind my back that I was only trying to get attention and that all of it was an act or how someone like Edward could fall for that act.

He tried his best to protect me from them and to prevent little accidents, so he always carried my lunch tray and walked very closely beside me to catch me if I should stumble. I was beginning to feel like a toddler. I got very frustrated with myself.


	19. Chapter 19:Conquer Challenges

**Hi everyone!**

**I suck majorly, I know! I'm really sorry for the long wait!**

**This is the last regular chapter, I will post an epilogue after that. Hopefully soon, but I definitely won't take as long as I did now.**

**I will also complete my one-shots that I started writing, so if you are interested put me on alert or just look out for it.**

**A very big thank you to my beta and very dear friend Visforvampire. She puts up with my typos and other mistakes^^.**

**Chapter 19: Conquer Challenges**

Time passed quickly and we were in our senior year, when an especially bad panic attack occurred that made me rethink therapy. Life was good for me. I had a great relationship with my dad and he trusted me fully so that he loosened curfews and let me sleep over at the Cullens as often as I liked and he seemed to have trusted Edward, too. I had a great group of friends with whom I spent a lot of time with and had fun. I had a great best friend in Alice with whom I could discuss anything, even my relationship with Edward. And I had the best, most attentive, romantic boyfriend you could think of. My grades were very good despite my fright to speak in class. All in all my life seemed pretty perfect. So I didn't know where the problem laid. I still hadn't overcome my extreme shyness and panic attacks. I would still get very depressed when I thought of my mother and I still couldn't relax when it came to my physical relationship to Edward. All that always stayed in the back of my mind and I started to contemplate to get help, because obviously I couldn't get over all that on my own. I talked often and very openly with my dad, Alice and of course Edward about everything that was bothering me or when I got depressed or panicked and that still didn't seemed to be enough. But therapy also scared me still, I needed the last push to make the step and go to a therapist.

We were about one third into our senior year when we had a substitute teacher in our literature class. By that time all my regular teacher knew about my problems with speaking in front of the class and didn't push me to do it. The substitute teacher didn't know that though and she wasn't a very nice teacher at that. She seemed to have read in the notes of our regular teacher about my top grades in that class, so she wanted to read my homework to the class. It was also just my luck to have the meanest girls in school in that class that encouraged her to push me to read in front of the class well knowing I couldn't handle all the focus on me that well. In addition the homework turned out very personal too.

"Come on Bella, you have to learn to read and speak in front of people. How will you be able to manage your future job if you can't do that? And I guarantee you it won't get any easier from here." She taunted me.

I just stared at her, my heartbeat already quickening.

"Yeah, Bella. We all want to hear your good work, don't act up!" Lauren joined in.

I just shook my head.

This seemed to annoy the substitute teacher Mrs. Hofmann.

"Well if you don't, I'm afraid I will have to give you an F and ruin your perfect end grade."

I was shocked and felt completely cornered. I wasn't sure if she could really do that but I didn't want to risk it. So I got up with my homework in front of me, already feeling dizzy. When I looked around I only saw the mean grins of my classmates, at least most of them grinned in an evil way, some tried to give me encouraging smiles.

I began to read the first words out loud with a shaking voice and stuttering.

"Louder! You have to speak loud and clear!" Mrs. Hofmann interrupted.

My eyes started to tear up and I couldn't control my breathing. I lost all focus on my surroundings and only heard a ringing in my ears. It was as bad as the one Edward caused with the exception that Edward wasn't there to help me. I couldn't feel my body anymore and I guessed I must have collapsed until I completely lost consciousness.

I woke up in the nurse's office. At first I just mainly saw the white walls and ceiling. Next I felt a soft, bigger hand in mine and caresses over my head, hair and face. I slowly came to me and heard Edward's voice.

"Oh Bella, you're awake. I was worried. You lost consciousness in class. Angela sent Ben to my class to get me. They called your dad, he is on his way."

I looked up to his face which bore a concern expression.

I was still a little confused and trying to remember what exactly happened. But it started slowly to come back to me. The substitute teacher, being forced to read my homework to the class and having a particularly bad panic attack and blacking out in the end, which was probably the best for me to calm down my breathing. Now far away from any staring or gaping and the substitute teacher, with Edward here, I felt calm again.

I gave him a small and grateful smile while he still caressed my hair.

"I'm ok now, it's over." I told him.

He gave me a look that said he didn't agree with me, but didn't say anything to that. Instead he asked me what exactly happened and I told him.

He frowned at me and appeared conflicted.

"Bella, I don't think this can continue this way. It isn't good for you to get that bad anxiety attacks. And I can't always be there to help you calm down. They are caused by deeper issues which most likely have to do with your mom's sickness and death. I know you are rather shy by nature, but you had a lot to go through alone in your age. It is hard and confusing enough being a teenager, but having to carry the burden of caring for your mom all alone who had a fatal illness which ended in death, is just too much for a person. You might be mature for your age, but it was just too much for you and it is ok to ask for help to deal with it. I will help you as much as I can, but I'm afraid you really should go to therapy. I didn't want to push to go to a therapist, but I'm worried about you and this incident proved that you need it. Please, listen to me and let my dad look for a therapist or grief counselor for you to get better. "

He looked pleadingly at me to listen to him and agree to go to therapy. He would have begged me on his knees if he had to, that much I could read from his eyes.

He didn't know that I came to the same conclusion on my own, after thinking about it for months. I've had enough to be afraid of panic attacks and not being able to handle being the center of attention. I didn't want that to be in my way anymore. I finally wanted to be strong and just able to deal with everything in a healthy way.

"I agree with you. I already thought about it for some time, but I can't make any excuses anymore and I don't want you to worry about me so much. You don't have to feel the need to be with me all the time just in case I might get an attack. It's not fair." I told him.

"But you have to do it for yourself, not for me. I still want to be with all of the time, not just because I feel like you might need me. It is important for yourself."

"I know and I assure you do it mainly for myself even if it didn't sound like it right now. I want my life back. I want to work through all my issues and learn to deal with everything that life might throw at me." I said earnestly.

"Good. I'm glad." He smiled at me and leaned down to me to give me a small peck on the lips and my cheek. "Then I will talk to my dad about it."

And so we found a therapist for me and I went every week to Mr. Matthews.

At first it was awkward and I couldn't warm up to talk to him openly, but he was very patient and gave me some little homework every week.

In the beginning I also hated going there. I felt worse instead of better, but Edward encouraged me to still go and promised that it would improve. He always drove me and picked me up and gave me the opportunity to talk to him about it if I liked, but never pushed me to tell him about it. It was a silent understanding that he was there if I wanted to talk, but would never pry and always wait for me to find the right moment to tell him, if I wanted to. The longer I went the more I felt comfortable to talk about it. I didn't tell him every detail, sometimes I just summarized what we talked about or what I learned.

Although I first resented Mr. Matthews for always pushing me, I began to understand what and why he was doing it.

He also advised me to write in a journal which was quite cliché but I tested it and it actually felt pretty good to write all my feelings off my chest. He helped me to communicate better with my environment and help me understanding my own feelings. I started to feel better about going and felt better about my decision to go in the first place.

The changes were small, but the longer I went the more it became apparent that it helped. The techniques Mr. Matthews taught me to fight against panic attacks worked better every time I used them.

One of my fears was that people around me would look at me differently if they knew I went to therapy, but the people that mattered understood and I slowly started to understand that the rest didn't matter.

Mostly I started to notice the changes in me when I spoke more often in class. It usually was rather short answers to questions of teachers but they didn't need to push me anymore to give me an answer; I did it on my own accord.

After a few months Mr. Matthews gave me the task to read a whole homework in front of class and that made me really nervous, especially with my last big panic attack in mind. But after thinking about it I knew that I could handle it. I had the calming techniques which already worked for me and I already improved with giving answers in class. I was determined and confident to do it without any incident and in the end I did it. I was so proud even though for most it was nothing. It was a big step and after that I was completely sure I would overcome my fears and my shyness. This was important because shortly after I was informed that I would be the valedictorian at graduation. The school of course assured me that it was an offer and that I wouldn't have to do it if I didn't feel up to it, but after my former success I confidently answered them that I would gladly do it.

That also gave me an end goal to aim for. If I could hold the valedictorian speech in front of all the school and parents without panicking I could be sure that I was healed.

Another effect of therapy was that I was able to give myself completely to Edward and our physical relationship progressed until we did "it". I was able to trust him completely and the blockade in my head was gone. It was nothing cliché, we didn't plan it with candles and rose petals and we didn't do it at prom. It just came naturally and it was romantic just because it was us and we loved each other. The first time wasn't so nice in terms of the act itself for me, which was to be expected, but it was overwhelming to be that near to him. And it got better with time.

It seemed that my graduation year would be one of the best so far. I accomplished a lot and my relationship with Edward was just great. Now naturally we also fought sometimes and with therapy giving me more confidence, I didn't hold back telling my mind anymore which wasn't always good. In the end though we always made up.

We decided that we wanted to go the same college, after overcoming all the obstacles so far we didn't want to be far apart for years and we were confident we would stay together even after High School. We got into a lot of colleges we applied to, we didn't get both into all of them and after thinking about it for a week and talking about it with our parents and friends we decided to go to LA. I would go to UCLA and Edward would go to USC. We both would live in dorms and would still be close enough to each other but in this arrangement we wouldn't depend that much on each other we would be able to lead a little separate lives. We both agreed that that would be best for us. After the first two years we could probably look move together into an apartment if we wanted to. We also wouldn't live across the country and wouldn't be that far from our parents.

Alice and Jasper would go to college in Boston, to Boston College and Emmerson.

Emmett already went to college in Miami the year before as he was a year older than we and Rosalie got accepted to NYU. For them it wasn't ideal, but it was still better than being completely across country.

I was a little sad though that we all would be so far apart. But there were still the holidays which we could and most probably would spend together. I only hoped that we wouldn't lose touch and that we would live close to one another when we all started working.

My therapy progressed nicely and I worked through everything relating to my mother's illness and death. I could let out my anger about being forced from her to care for her alone and not being allowed to call dad and in the end I could forgive her for that.

I also was able to talk to my dad about everything related to my mom and I could help him too with his own grief about her death.

Two months before graduation I stopped going to therapy as Mr. Matthews told me that I wouldn't need him anymore, but I could still call or schedule a session here and there if I needed to, but he felt confident that I would manage fine. I invited him to my graduation to watch my valedictorian speech if had time and wanted to, I wouldn't be able to do it without his help and guidance after all. He promised to come and told me again how proud he was of my accomplishments.

I still continued writing into my journal and I still rarely had small attacks here and there, but I could handle them on my own.

On graduation day I was very nervous and I have to admit that I threw up before, but I still went confidently onto the stage and looked with serious face through the crowd of students, teachers and parents. Some parts of the speech were very personal, but I thought I would be more convincing if I proved with my own experiences what I tried to put across in my speech.

I think I did really well, most people were cheering and I probably came through to some of my classmates, but the most important thing for me was that I held my speech although I was so nervous before and that I had complete control over my body and emotions the whole time.

When I went down the stage, Edward waited there for me with huge grin on his face and quickly enveloped me into a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you, you were so great there!" He pulled back enough to give me a kiss, short and sweet.

I hummed, stayed a little while longer in his arms, but then we both pulled back as we didn't want to get into a PDA-session in front of everyone. We held hands though and went to sit in our seats.

I felt as if I could accomplish anything I wanted. Now life really was very near perfect.

The rest of the ceremony went smoothly and after taking pictures with our parents we went to a graduation party with Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett-who came for the graduation and summer holidays.

Our last summer living in Forks was quiet and Edward and I spent most of the time together. We both had summer jobs, me at the diner and Edward helped in the hospital, but the rest of the time was for each other.

I also tried to spend more time with my dad, as I would be gone after the summer. I would miss him so much, we grew together a lot in the short time I lived with him. He gave me time and space to grow and helped me as well as he possibly could. I knew I could rely on him no matter what. That made it also easier to go away, because I knew I could go back if anything were to happen, no questions asked. Although I missed my mom very much and I couldn't replace her, I also felt very lucky to have my dad.

Both Edward and I drove with our parents to California. For one they helped bring our stuff to our dorms and that way we could give them this parents-child experience.

After a tearful goodbye I got situated and got to know my new roomie Kate Foster. She seemed really nice, more out-going than me. Before going to bed I called Edward and we decided to meet the next day at my campus.

So our college years began.

It wasn't always easy.

We needed to adjust a lot.

We fought a lot.

But we always made up. No one else understood me like he did and no one made me feel like he did. He wasn't perfect, he did a lot of mistakes -especially in the beginning- but he turned out to be the love of my life, the person that helped me overcome my biggest fears. He was a constant in my life and I couldn't imagine a future without him anymore.

After our first year we moved into an apartment together that was situated nearly exactly between both of our colleges. We were finished unpacking our stuff and fell both exhausted on our living room couch. I sat in between his legs, leaning back with my back pressed against his chest I was enveloped in his arms.

"Finally! I started thinking we wouldn't make it today. But being here like this was worth all the work." He sighed and started playing with my head.

"I still can't believe we live together now." I told him.

"It's great, isn't it? Now we can see each other every day." He murmured, kissing my hair.

"Yeah, it's great. I hope we don't fight that much though and stop appreciate each other." I said contemplative.

He tightened his arms around me.

"Oh, I could never stop being grateful to have you. I will never let you go again." He told me earnestly.

That made me feel all warm inside. He could still do that and that after over two years.

"Then I will look forward to our future together." I exclaimed smiling.

**The end.**

**So this is it. I tried to keep it as simple as possible. It is no masterpiece, but I still hope you enjoyed it. Now there is only the epilogue with a little look in the future of these two left. Thank you all for reading, putting me on favorites and alert and reviewing.**

**Especially flame55 who reviewed every chapter.**


	20. Epilogue

**So this is really it. I thought you might like a view into the future of our couple.**

**As for me, I still have two one-shots that I started writing and that I want to upload when they are finished. I haven't really a solid idea for another multi-chapter story, but I am planning on write a few chapters before I start uploading it, so I can update in decent time and not let my readers wait so long anymore.**

**I want to thank especially ****mrs cullen15**** (your last review was so sweet!), ****Shante17****tessaholt****samantamax****Foam Weber****Ratava100d****VainVamp**** and ****flame55****. I really appreciate that you reviewed several times. I know some of you may not even read this story anymore after my huge update fail, but I still wanted to say that I was always happy to read your reviews. Of course I love all my reviews and I thank everybody who took their time to review.**

**Thank you for everybody who read, favorited und put the story on alert.**

**A big big thank you for my sweet beta and friend Visforvampire, I'm glad you put up with my errors and silly mistakes.**

**Epilogue:**

10 years later:

I took a deep breath and opened the door to the lecture auditorium where my students already waited for me. I greeted them and started the lecture. It sometimes still amazed me that was able to speak freely in front of so many people on a daily base. But after my therapy and my valedictorian speech, I worked hard on doing presentations, mostly being the one – even in group projects - to do the speaking. I studied Biology and later got my Ph.D., I was teaching assistant and assistant professor and now I got my own lectures to teach. As a teenager never could have even dreamed of doing this and now I loved it very much. At first I simply wanted to study Biology and later go into research, but after my successful therapy and all the presentations, I realized that I liked it. And so I found myself here, where I wanted to be, I was Dr. Cullen.

Yes, things went well in my private life, too. I was married to the man I loved and have loved in High School. It is true that it was a little cliché to marry my High School sweet heart, but things weren't as simple as they sounded. We were broken up for six months before Edward proposed to me. All the work we put into our studies caught up to us and we had few time for each other. Eventually we took our frustrations out on each other - we both did - so the break up wasn't specifically the fault of one of us. But very shortly after, we both realized how much we missed each other and that we couldn't live without the other. We spent more time together at first as friends only and suddenly he proposed to me and I couldn't say no.

At this point we have been married for two years and although we still have a few small fights here and there, we were very happy.

Edward worked as a professor too. He made his Ph.D. in Physics. We both worked at the University of Washington. After having a great time in California we agreed to move nearer to our families. Seattle was a good choice. We visited at least one a month for a weekend our families in Forks and took turns staying with his family and my dad.

We established a similar arrangement with our friends, who stayed at least in the stayed they studied. We met them at least once a year rotating the meeting place every year. They were well. Alice and Jasper married a year after graduation and have five year old twins. Emmett and Rose actually broke up, married two different people; both divorced and got back together last year. They have a now well working patch-work-family with two kids from Rose, one from Emmett and one on the way that they have together. So far they haven't married, but we all didn't have a doubt that that would happen eventually.

So all in all life was good. To be honest even better because I had a surprise for my husband that would make our lives even better.

When I was done with my lecture I packed my stuff and answered questions from the students who stayed behind to ask them.

I loved that they were so eager to learn and that was another reason why I decided to be a lecturer rather than a teacher. The other plus was that I could also still do some research while giving lectures. Both sides of my job were great.

When I was ready to go, my husband was already by the door waiting for me.

"Well hello there Professor Cullen." He greeted me while he moved to get to me.

"Hello Professor Cullen, ready to go for lunch?" I asked as he bent down to give me my greeting-kiss.

"Let's go. " He said simply and took my bag from me like the gentleman he was.

Our lunches were also one of our established routines. We usually went to lunch together and only rarely needed to stay at campus during lunch. When our schedules were especially busy lunch was the only time we could talk in a relaxed atmosphere. I guessed that was one of our recipes to make our marriage work. We took time to talk with each other on a daily basis no matter what about.

Later at our favorite deli I put a small box with a bow on top on Edward's side of the table when he put our plates and litter away.

"Oh, what's this? My birthday isn't in another three months?" He asked surprised when he sat down and gave me my salad.

"Just open it. It's a little surprise for you. And you deserve a present every day because you are the best husband in the world." I urged him to open the box.

So he opened the box and pulled out the tiny baby shoes that were in there.

"What?...Does that mean? Are you?" He was stunned that much was obvious, but a happy kind of shock he was in and I only could smile my big big smile and nod.

I didn't even see how he got to my side; next thing I knew I was in his arms as he squeezed the life out of me.

"Ugh, Edward. You're cutting my lungs of…" I breathed out.

"Oh, sorry. Are you ok? Should we go to the doctor?" He pulled back, looked me up and down while he still held onto my arms.

"Edward calm down. Everything is fine. "

"Good. I'm just so happy!" He hugged me again, but this time more gently.

"Me too. Now we're gonna be parents." I said excitedly.

"And you're sure?" He pulled back again and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Well, I still should check it with a doctor, but I took four tests and they all were positive; so I'm pretty sure." I assured him.

"God, I love you so much." He exclaimed and gave me a passionate kiss. I have never seen him this excited about anything. I was ecstatic I could make him so happy.

He trailed his hand down to my stomach and leaned down.

"I can't believe our child is in there; tiny like a peanut.

In my book life couldn't get any better.

The following months flew by and were dragging at the same time. Morning sickness, back pain and swollen feet I could have done without, but on the other side I wouldn't trade the moments of seeing our baby the first time in an ultrasound, learning it was a boy and the first kick. And Edward was there with me the whole time, he mostly held my hair when I was throwing up due to the morning sickness, he brought me any food I craved no matter what the time was and he suffered through my mood swings caused by pregnancy hormones. He couldn't have been more understanding or helpful.

After eight months we were rewarded with our baby boy Ethan Benjamin Cullen. We were overflowing with happiness.

And so life went on. Ethan got a little sister and a little brother. We had our house with garden and picket fence. But we also got grief over dying parents, a deathly illness that we fought and defeated. We had our up and downs, but we were happy together and that happiness sometimes simply made me speechless.


End file.
